Monday, June 29, 2009

Weight Loss Primer


A is for Appetite
It’s really the cruelest,
And wants us to live
Our lives to the fullest.

B is for BMI
Body Mass Index, you know.
It’s just one other way
To call you “Fatso.”

C is for Calories
Counting them’s our obsession.
The higher the number,
The deeper our depression.

D is for Diet
Kiss those buffets good-bye.
You know you can’t spell it
Without the word “Die.”

E is for Exercise
Time to get tired and sweaty,
And leave all your limbs
Feeling just like spaghetti.

F is for Fat-Free
To help take off the pounds.
But be careful, it’s not always
As low-cal as it sounds.

G is for Green Monster
The smoothie with spinach.
It’ll help start your day right
And keep ya strong to the finich.

H is for High Blood Pressure
Another obesity side effect.
Get it under control or
It’ll leave your life wrecked.

I is for Ideal Weight
Remember, it’s just a number.
If you never quite get there,
Don’t lose any slumber.

J is for Junk Food
It helps your waistline expand.
What part of the word “Junk”
Do you not understand?

K is for Kick-Off
It’s the most important part
Because you’ll never get going
If you never ever start.

L is for Lifestyle Change
This is more than a phase.
It’s something we should follow
For the rest of our days.

M is for Metabolism
Some are fast, some are listless.
If you quit blaming your body,
You’ll end up getting p*ssed less.

N is for Nutrition
It’s time to face facts
Cuz the smarter we are,
The healthier our snacks.

O is for Obesity
A BMI 30 or higher,
You need to lose weight
(Yeah, I'm preaching to the choir).

P is for Plateau
Sometimes weight loss stalls out.
When the going get tough,
The tough go balls out.

Q is for Quitting
You should choose to refuse,
Cuz winners never quit
And quitters never lose.

R is for Raw
Fruits and veggies by the heap.
Make them part of your diet.
Eat ‘em and reap.

S is for Serving Size
When filling those platters,
Please keep this in mind
Size definitely matters.

T is for Trans Fats
The fats that’re most hated.
I’ll take mine more natural
Or non-hydrogenated.

U is for Uphill
This climb’ll leave you aching.
Take pride in your effort and
The progress you’re making.

V is for Veggies
They’re great to consume.
Beet ever so onion,
There snow peas legume.

W is for Weigh-In
It often will disgust us.
When you step on those scales,
Sometimes there’s no justice.

X is for XXL
Our plus sizes are whopping.
Losing weight opens up
Brand new shops for shopping.

Y is for Yo Yo
Weight is down, weight is higher.
That is really one game
That we need to retire.

Z is for ZZZ’s
Get plenty of snoozing.
It’ll help get your head
In the right place for losing.

20 comments:

  1. Perhaps the best one yet! What part of the word "junk" do you not understand? I want an autographed copy of the book when it comes out!

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  2. Awesomeness.

    'D is for Diet
    Kiss those buffets good-bye.
    You know you can’t spell it
    Without the word “Die.”'

    Perfection! :)

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  3. P should have been for POM- HAHA! :)
    Crossin my fingers (and toes) that my WI tomorrow scores me a mention in the poem! whoo hooo!

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  4. LOVE IT! You are so clever and I am amazed at all the clever posts. :)
    Keeping my fingers crossed that I will be able to lose that half pound for the challenge. Though it's really 4.5 pouns for me to lose at this point. ugh

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  5. Another beauty of a post. Made my day!!

    I'm working on the half pound, but it's a slow go. :)

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  6. How do you come up with this stuff. Me likey. Very entertaining.

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  7. The T is for Trans Fat made me spit water on my computer! Brilliant!

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  8. Just incredible. Loved every entry.

    Always a must read!!! (pardon me for saying that for the 30th time, but really...I love your stuff)

    My best
    Sean

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  9. Your posts Rock my socks.. I adore them!!!

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  10. LOL I love this post! Thanks for starting my day off with a laugh!

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  11. What is your day job? Great different kind of post. cheers

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  12. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  13. I figured it out..."Multiplicity". There is more than one Jack.

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  14. So clever. I love it! Thanks for sharing!

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  15. Heh - how do you come up with this stuff?!

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