Monday, May 31, 2010

No Sh*t Today

Hey, I'm still outta pocket, celebrating my birthday by hanging out with my wife Anita and possibly undoing some of the hard work I've done up until this point. But don't worry; starting tomorrow, I'm going to start undoing that... um... undoing.

If you think there's anything that's going to throw me off track now,
then you don't know... well... you know what.

Sunday, May 30, 2010

W.I.D.T.H. A Vengeance

I'm out of town having birthday fun this weekend, so no weigh-in this Sunday. Instead, I thought I'd treat you to a few more note cards since they continue to clog up my email inbox. I'll quit running these daily pretty soon, but I'll still collect them and post 'em every time I get a dozen or so, so feel free to drop me a note if you'd like. Email me at and be sure to include a blog link if you want it included.


Saturday, May 29, 2010

A Letter to Myself from Myself a Year From Now

Welcome to "Same Old Sh*t" Saturday, where our motto is "Play it again, Sh*t." This one is from my birthday last year and it's eeire just how close to true all these predictions came. I'm out having birthday fun this weekend, so all will be quiet on the commenting/tweeting/email front. And for the record, I'm not getting older... I'm getting fitter.

Dear Jack,

I’m emailing you from one year in the future (go to Outlook under Preferences and turn off “Linear Time” setting… oh, wait… that might be in the next upgrade). As someone who knows you better than most, let me be the first to say, “I never thought you’d be able to do it.”

I mean, really. Fourteen months ago you were a f*cking mess. Feeling sorry for yourself. Constant aches and pains. Eating in the car, at your desk, standing over the sink. Eating, eating, eating.

Then one day you snapped out of it. I can’t even remember exactly what set you off, but you got your act together and I’m sure glad you did. I’m here to report that life is better than ever for your future self. Here’s the lowdown…

The good news: You have really lost a lot of weight.
The bad news: Some of those skinny pants you saved weren’t as fashionable as you thought.

The good news: You feel better than you have for years.
The bad news: You don’t have any excuse not to do all that work around the house anymore.

The good news: You’ve managed to keep the weight off.
The bad news: New Cell Scale technology makes your cell phone yell out your current weight every 20 minutes.

The good news: Paris Hilton got really, really fat.
The bad news: She gets drunk and posts obnoxious comments on your blog all the time.

The good news: You’re going to get a sweet new car this fall.
The bad news: Please wear your seat belt (especially on November 12th, January 24th, February 2nd and April 20th).

The good news: The economy finally got better.
The bad news: Gas is $7 a gallon.

The good news: Jack Sh*t, Gettin’ Fit is still going strong.
The bad news: You ran out of good ideas 11 months ago.

Anyway, happy birthday Year-Ago Jack. Thanks a bunch for getting your sh*t together, buddy.


Jack Sh*t
May 28, 2010

Friday, May 28, 2010

My Birthday Survival Plan

  • Don’t eat my age in waffles for breakfast
  • Call in “old” at work
  • Rue all the mistakes I’ve made in my life
  • Update "to-do" list with new mistakes
  • Celebrate my B25K completion this year (“Birth to 5K”)
  • Only track 1 out of every 10 calories I consume today
  • Sell whatever present my mom gets me on ebay
  • Say my prayers and take my vitamins like professional wrestler Hulk Hogan said I should
  • Work out in my birthday suit
  • Take a big bowl of fat-free ice cream, flush it down the toilet and enjoy a bowl of the good stuff
  • Drag out a pair of fat pants and thank heaven they no longer fit
  • Use my “Get Out of One Workout Free” card
  • “Afternoon delight,” if you know what I mean (yes, I mean a nap)
  • Drink plenty of water… among other beverages
  • Get 100 comments on my birthday post (*hint hint*)
  • Strip karaoke
  • Keep trying to convince myself that age is just a number
  • Eat healthy, eat less, exercise... starting tomorrow
  • Don’t even bother making a wish before blowing out the candles; they’ve all already come true

Thursday, May 27, 2010

W.I.D.T.H. Flying Colors

I can't tell you that I expected this outpouring of wonderful sentiments when I threw this idea out there, but it's really been incredible seeing the wide range of reasons and rationales, and the clever and creative ways people get across their message. Thanks one and all for showing once again that, while we may have different reasons for doing what we're doing, we're all in this together.

Terri @ Diary of a Former Fit Girl

Speaking of extra-awesomeness, go check out the very first giveaway
from my pal over at 263 And Counting. And if you win, I want a cut...

I'm Sorry, Kermit the Frog

Why are there so many
blogs about weight loss
And how to live a future more fit?
Some have a vision,
Some offer great info,
And some are moronic (like Jack Sh*t)
So we set goals and some believe they can’t
Achieve it,
But I know they're wrong wait and see.

Someday we'll find it,
The Fitness Connection:
Healthy diet, exercise and me.

Who said that this journey
Would be quick and easy?
Just look how many failures there are.
You just gotta ignore that.
It’s your time– believe it,
And look what you’ve accomplished so far.

What's so surprising
That keeps us downsizing,
To be what we think we might be?

I think that we’ve found it,
The Fitness Connection:
Healthy diet, exercise and me.

It's time to come out of our shell.
Anything less would be tragic.

Have you been half committed,
And have you been stalled out?
I'm calling you out by name.
If you want the future that you’ve always
Dreamed of,
It’s time that you stepped up your game.
You’ve heard it too many times to ignore it,
There's something that we’re supposed to be.

Now that we’ve found it
The Fitness Connection:
Healthy diet, exercise and me.


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