Thursday, August 29, 2013

What Have We Here? Weight-Loss Songs for the Wee Little Children!

Slow, Slow, Slow Your Bloat
Slow, slow, slow your bloat.

Don’t eat so much ice cream.

Healthy, healthy, healthy, healthy.

Live the life you dream.

Twinkle Twinkle Little Scale
Twinkle, twinkle little scale.

How you make me want to wail.

With your number, oh so high.

Why’d I eat that cherry pie? 

Twinkle, twinkle little scale.

Next week’ll be a different tale!

It's Raining, It's Hailin’
It’s raining, it’s hailin’,

My diet plan is failin’;

Grabbed some peach ice tea,

And watched TV,

And paid for it at my weigh-in.

The Nothin’ Man
Oh, do you know the nothin’ man?

The nothin’ man, the nothin’ man?

He wants you to do nothin’, man,

And he lives inside your brain.

Oh, yes, I know the nothin’ man.

The nothin’ man, the nothin’ man.

I know he wants me to do nothin’, man,

So I kicked him outta my brain.

Solomon Chunky
Solomon Chunky,

Began on Monday,

Chinese on Tuesday,

Buffet on Wednesday,

Happy Hour Thursday,

Pizza on Friday,

Dieted on Saturday,

Gained on Sunday,

Nothing ends
For Solomon Chunky.

Monday, August 26, 2013

Raspberry Smoothie

Why the hell can't you find a Prince video on Youtube? I smell lawyers!

I was eating like hell 
At the Taco Bell,

Enchiladas and a large ice tea.
Shouldn’t eat like that; it was makin’ me fat
'Cause I ate a bit 2 eagerly.

Nutritionally I was eating 

Something close 2 nothing
The same way I did the day before
That's when I saw her,
Ooh, I saw her
She had a drink I’d never seen before…

She drank a

Raspberry smoothie
The kind they make in a smoothie-making store
Raspberry smoothie.
And since it’s low-fat, I can drink a little more.

Raspberry smoothie
I think I love you.

Thursday, August 22, 2013

More Ways to Make More Time for More Exercise

• On January 1st of each year, pay all of your bills for the entire year.

• Instead of wasting time doing laundry, invest in industrial-sized barrel of Fabreeze.

• When working a sudoku puzzle, just put random numbers in random squares.

• Go through car wash at 60 miles per hour.

• One way to get your house cleaned faster is to threaten to fire your housekeeper unless she picks up the pace.

• When dropping your kids off, teach them to roll out of the car so you don’t have to come to a complete stop. They’ll think it’s fun and you’ll pick up a few valuable seconds in your day.

• If you have a flat tire, just keep driving, moron.

• Speed-pray.

• See if you can find a combination manicurist-proctologist.

• Keep a razor in your car so you can shave your legs while stuck in traffic.

• How about this for a bedtime story:  Once upon a time, there was a princess who lived happily ever after. The end.

Monday, August 19, 2013

Cheers to You

Being overweight in the world today
Can really get you down.
Eating to mask all your worries,
It’ll really make you frown.

Wouldn’t you like change your ways?

Sometimes you want to go…
Where everybody knows your weight,

And they all still think you’re great.

You wanna hang with your fitness gang,

And maybe go for a jog.

You wanna be where everybody knows

Your blog.

You wanna go where people know,

That people are all the same.

Leave a comment today
So everyone’ll know your name.

Seriously,  I’m behind on my blog reading (and following), so please leave a comment about yourself and your blog and I’ll do my best to get over there and “cheer” you on.

Monday, August 12, 2013

You Can Call Me Jack

A man steps on the scale, 

He says, “Why am I soft in the middle now?
Why am I soft in the middle?
Losing weight is so incredibly hard! 

I need a body-intervention,
I want a rejuvenation! 

Don’t want to end up a lard-ass, 

Express lane to the graveyard.” 

Grown bigger, grown bigger
Chips in the moonlight. 

Far away, my weight-loss goal.

Mr. Beerbelly, Beerbelly, 

Get these snacks away from me! 

You know, I’m sick being outta control.


f I can get my body fit,
I can get my mojo back! 

You can quit callin’ me Fatty,
And Fatty, when you call me,

You can call me Jack! 

A man jogs down the street, 

He says, "Why am I short of breath now? 

Got a short little five kilometer,
But whoa, my run feels so long! 

Where’s my wife and family?
Oh, they’re way up ahead.
Who’ll give me a ride home
Now that my will to run is… 

Gone ...... gone?
Why must I dilly-dally, 

On this roly-poly, little slow-paced jog. 

All along .... along .... 

There were incidents and accidents,
(Should've hit the restroom first, I suppose) ..... 

But If I get my body fit, 

And I get my mojo back 

Please don’t call me Fatty, 

And Fatty, when you call me, 

You can call me Jack!
Call me Jack ...... 


You can call me Jack ......

Thursday, August 8, 2013

Healthiness Is...

...eating French fries that haven't been French-fried.

...lifting a child without back going a ka-poing

...a worn-out pair of running shoes

...having a "cheat day" and not cheating

...parking in the anti-handicapped space (parking spot located furthest from where you're going)

...eating a salad without thinking you're being punished for something

...not gaining 10 pounds when you go on vacation

...using one of those check-your-blood-pressure machines at the store and not having it start smoking and emitting a wailing siren

...feeling like your get-up-and-go hasn't got-up-and-went

...being able to push your body and not have your body push back your life, loving your life

Monday, August 5, 2013

The Cat in the Fat Comes Back

“I know some good games 

We could play,”
Said the Jack.
“I know some new tricks,” 

Said the Jack in the Fat. 

“A lot of good tricks.

I will show them to you. 

Your weight might go down
If you do as I do.”

But the Flesh said, 
“No! No!
Make that Jack go away!

Tell that Jack in the Fat 

You don’t care what you weigh! 

He should not be here. 

He is not very wise. 

He should not weigh in
On the size of your size!”

“Now! Now! Have no fear. 

Have no fear!” said the Jack. 

“My tricks are not bad,” 

Said the Jack in the Fat. 

“Why, we can have lots of good fun,”
The Jack states, 

“With a game that I call UP UP UP
With some weights!”

“Put those down!” said the Flesh. 

“This is no fun any more! 

Put them down!” said the Flesh.

“I DON’T wanna be sore.”

“Have no fear!” said the Jack. 

“You will be less sore soon. 

You’ll be like a butterfly out the cocoon. 

With muscles on muscles,
You’ll be over the moon.”

“Look at you! Look at you now!” said the Jack. 

“With lean muscle all over your arms, legs and back! 

You can hold up TEN pounds. 

You can hold up ten more!

You can do lots of reps,
And you seldom get sore!

And look! 

You can climb up four flights of stairs,
Which helps when the elevator’s down for repairs. 

But that is not all! 

Oh, no. That is not all…

“Look at you! 

Look at you!

Look at you NOW! 

Sporting a body that makes folks say “Wow!” 

You can lift up more weights,
And run miles at a time.

Chin-ups you do now and hills you can climb. 

You can pick up a child 

And not throw out your back. 

You can exercise freely 

Like your buddy Jack. 

You can hike really far,
You don’t laze on the sofa 

With a pizza and beer 

As you slip in a coma!

You are strong as can be,
This is your life, you know.
It is time to get fit now.
Let’s get up and go!


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