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Would you like to learn how to appreciate the hell out of some art, especially if you find yourself (as I did) gazing at some of the world’s most famous masterpieces?
Fantastic! You’ve come to the right place, my friend. Appreciating the hell out of some art is just a matter of asking yourself a few simple questions about each piece as you look at it…
• Does it express successfully what it’s intending to express?
• Does it amaze me in a different way each time I look at it?
• Does the piece provide a glimpse of the time in which it was created?
• Does its visual impact of mysterious, pure power increase as I look at it?
• Is it unforgettable?
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• How dead is this artist?
• Have I ever heard of him before?
• Are they doing something terrible to Jesus?
• Is there lots of fancy gold in the painting?
• Is the frame ornate as all get-out?
• Is everybody else nodding and admiring it?
• Is some snooty professor-looking dude with horn-rimmed glasses pontificating about it?
• Isn’t he pompous?
• Don’t you hate him?
• Do they have a concession stand here?
• Do you think they sell Raisinets?
• How could I get a job sitting around playing games on my phone while I “guard” art?
• What if I stole a famous masterpiece, but then grew to love it so much that I just wanted to hang it up in my bedroom and admire it all the time?
• What would they do if I took out a Sharpee and started drawing Hitler mustaches on all the angels?
• I wonder what I’m missing on TV?
Remember, when you're appreciating the hell out of some art, it's not the answers that are important... it's the questions!
Now go hit up a museum!