Friday, June 5, 2009

Features of My New Buggy Bod (Off-Brand Body Bugg)

  • Attaches to arm with rubber band instead of adjustable strap
  • State-of-the-art digital sundial
  • When you plug it into your USB port, funny pics of kittens pop up
  • Emits ear-piercing scream whenever you stop walking
  • Provides sunblock protection for area of arm it covers
  • GPS turn-by-turn directions to nearest Krispy Kreme
  • Fold-out bottle opener
  • Tracks calories burned, steps taken and other physiological parameters utilizing patented Guess-timation™ technology
  • Has mp1 player that holds up to three songs.
  • Button that allows you to spray mace on anyone who asks “What’s that stupid thing on your arm?”
  • Built-in snooze alarm
  • Secret Pez® pellet slot


  1. You must make a living writing! You are so clever! BTW, where I can get my own Buggy Bod?!!

  2. I want the MK2 version that has the special incorporated chasing-dog deterrant and the wobbly-butt invisibility shield.

  3. PEZ!!!! Oh my god, I soooo need this!

    ~ Wendy

  4. That is SO funny. :D

    May I make a request? How about a list of Confucious sayings about weight loss? Or weight loss fortune cookie failures?

  5. I have a body bugg, and I must verify that it does provide spf protection on the part of your arm that you wear it on. I have a sexy stripe of white just below where my farmer's tan ends...

    I agree with weight loss fortune cookie fails... that made me laugh to even think about it.

  6. I like the mace idea - so tired of people asking me what it is, then seeing their eyes glaze over when I start to explain. I should come up with something silly like "it's a total body MP3 player" or some such nonsense.

  7. You must have blinked, Kelly:

  8. Wow-sounds like a Microsoft product....

  9. OH, I must have blinked. Those are fantastic. My wish has been granted. :)

    Now on to the fortune cookies.

    Oh and I also can vouch for the SPF protection. I love my white negative tattoo around my arm. I think the next time someone asks me what it is I'll just tell them it's a bomb.

  10. You are flippin' hysterical. I love, "Emits ear-piercing scream whenever you stop walking". How 'bout adding a long straw that taps into a few shots of tequila or a sensor that diffuses pheromones when hot men jog by. The single ladies out there might like that.

  11. Hillarious!!!! I bout fell out of my chair!!!!

  12. Thanks ladies now I have the negative tan to look forward to. Yeah!

    Jack you need to write a book man! You are one of the funniest quick witted people I have ever met!

  13. Nice to hear from your serious side! Now, what the hell is that hi-tech contraption thingy?

    Keep up the Awesomeness!

    x T

  14. Hey, sign me up for the one with the wobbly butt invisibility shield!

  15. A wonderful new electronic ankle bracelet for the arm...I meant that in a good way!



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