Friday, June 19, 2009

Weight Loss Nursery Rhymes

Jack and Jill
Jill and Jack
Went to Donut Shack,
To fetch a dozen crullers.
Chocolate supreme
All loaded with crème,
In all assorted colors.

Jill watched Jack
Have a heart attack,
And went to dial 9-1-1.
But before the call,
She stopped in the hall
To finish her cinnamon bun.

Jack and Jill
Went to the hospital,
Where he had an operation.
After his brush with fate,
Now they’re watching their weight
And eat in moderation.

Georgie Porgie
Georgie Porgie, puddin' and pie,
Eats all kinds of cheaties instead of his Wheaties.
Was anybody shocked when he went to the doc,
And diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes?

Humpty Dumpty
Humpty Dumpty weighed 328.
Humpty Dumpty was way overweight.
All the king's horses and all the king's men
Couldn't pull Humpty away from his plate.

Humpty Dumpty joined Weight Watchers one day.
Humpty Dumpty decided to stay.
Now all the king’s horses and all the king’s men
Couldn’t pull ol’ Humpty Dumpty away.

Humpty Dumpty, sticking to plan,
Has lost 50 pounds since his diet began.
All the king’s horses and all the king’s men
Can’t believe Humpty is quite the same man.

Goosey Goosey Goose
Goosey Goosey Goose, always making some excuse.
“I’m too tired, I’m too sore, I can’t work out anymore.
I’ve got houseguests, I’ve got a job, my kids are underfoot.”
And then doesn’t understand it when all the pounds stay put.

Froggy Went A-Countin’
Froggy went a-countin’
And he did diet (Uh-hmm, Uh-hmm)
Froggy went a-countin’
And he did diet (Uh-hmm, Uh-hmm)
Froggy went a-countin’ and he did diet
Too many points and he wouldn’t try it.
Froggy went a-countin’
And he did diet (Uh-hmm, Uh-hmm)

Peter Peter
Peter Peter Low Carb eater,
Low Carb blogger. Low Carb tweeter.
Peter Peter, what is your problem
That makes you such a Low Carb snob, hmm?

Twinkle Twinkle
Twinkle twinkle, Body Bugg,
Clinging to my arm, so snug.
Like an iPod, only dumber,
Keep me walking all through summer.
Twinkle twinkle, Body Bugg,
(Where’d I put that stupid plug?)

Blog Blog Jack Sh*t
Blog blog Jack Sh*t, have you any posts?
Yes sir, yes sir, I’ve got your daily dose.
One that’s pretty stupid, one that’s not-so-great,
And one to help the people who’re trying to lose some weight.
Blog blog Jack Sh*t, why are your posts so weird?
Cuz I’m feeling giddy now that pounds have disappeared.


  1. Congrats on the disappearing pounds. And keep the poetry coming. It's great!

  2. I had to go put on dry underwear, or I'd have commented sooner. Very funny stuff. After having read your blog for a while now, I'm having to do laundry more often, because at my age, laughing uncontrolably really IS uncontrolable!!

  3. Why don't you have a tv show?

  4. This comment has been removed by the author.

  5. LOVED ALL OF THEM! You are SO creative! :)

  6. what can i say? Creative genius at its best. Love it. Wish I was more creative with my responses!

  7. "Blog Blog Jack Sh*t" is my favorite! I love your creativity!

  8. You are so funny and talented! Jack and Jill is my favorite :)

  9. Beats the shit out of Mother Goose!

  10. Funny funny stuff :D Thanks for the laughs!

  11. Peter Peter pumpkin eater
    Had a wife and couldn't keep her
    He put her in a pumpkin shell
    And there she lost 100lbs (pumpkin is low carb)


  12. Jack Sprat would eat no fat
    His wife would eat no lean

    They eventually divorced because they couldn't co-exist on such differing diet plans.

  13. You never cease to amaze me. Oh, and make me laugh out loud too!

    Wonderful stuff.

    Sean Anderson
    The Daily Diary of A Winning Loser

  14. Little miss muffet sat on a tuffet
    eating her curds and whey.
    After the meal she blogged a great deal
    of nutritional counts for the day.

    Sorry :) I love nursery rhymes. :)

  15. Outstanding Oct... thanks for the contributions. And thanks to all for the kind/kooky comments. They're my crack.

  16. The last one was the best. You still got it. Not sure what it is though! lol

    Thanks for the laugh

  17. Where do all your ideas come from? Honestly, you are very entertaining!

  18. *snort* that made me laugh! So creative. I love how your mind works.

  19. How do copy right laws work? Can someone steal this stuff before the book is published? The book is being published, right?

  20. Loved Humpty and Twinkle! You're sooo damned creative and funny.

  21. Now remember, Jack - can I call you Jack? - you remember us "little" (so to speak) people when you're all famous and Sh*t!

  22. By the way, Jack do you and Pisa have plans for Father's Day? Allow me to be the first to wish you a wonderful Father's Day on Sunday. Good boy, Jack!

  23. Love your blog, I read it out loud to my family daily. The other day I was laughing so hard about one of your prior posts that my husband actually though I might be in the mood wink wink ....Your doing a good work all over the place...
    Breathing in happiness and farting out rainbows here in Colorado.

  24. Love yours the best!! Hillarious!

  25. Laughed until it hurts! Good stuff!



Related Posts with Thumbnails