Monday, June 29, 2009

Weight Loss Primer

A is for Appetite
It’s really the cruelest,
And wants us to live
Our lives to the fullest.

B is for BMI
Body Mass Index, you know.
It’s just one other way
To call you “Fatso.”

C is for Calories
Counting them’s our obsession.
The higher the number,
The deeper our depression.

D is for Diet
Kiss those buffets good-bye.
You know you can’t spell it
Without the word “Die.”

E is for Exercise
Time to get tired and sweaty,
And leave all your limbs
Feeling just like spaghetti.

F is for Fat-Free
To help take off the pounds.
But be careful, it’s not always
As low-cal as it sounds.

G is for Green Monster
The smoothie with spinach.
It’ll help start your day right
And keep ya strong to the finich.

H is for High Blood Pressure
Another obesity side effect.
Get it under control or
It’ll leave your life wrecked.

I is for Ideal Weight
Remember, it’s just a number.
If you never quite get there,
Don’t lose any slumber.

J is for Junk Food
It helps your waistline expand.
What part of the word “Junk”
Do you not understand?

K is for Kick-Off
It’s the most important part
Because you’ll never get going
If you never ever start.

L is for Lifestyle Change
This is more than a phase.
It’s something we should follow
For the rest of our days.

M is for Metabolism
Some are fast, some are listless.
If you quit blaming your body,
You’ll end up getting p*ssed less.

N is for Nutrition
It’s time to face facts
Cuz the smarter we are,
The healthier our snacks.

O is for Obesity
A BMI 30 or higher,
You need to lose weight
(Yeah, I'm preaching to the choir).

P is for Plateau
Sometimes weight loss stalls out.
When the going get tough,
The tough go balls out.

Q is for Quitting
You should choose to refuse,
Cuz winners never quit
And quitters never lose.

R is for Raw
Fruits and veggies by the heap.
Make them part of your diet.
Eat ‘em and reap.

S is for Serving Size
When filling those platters,
Please keep this in mind
Size definitely matters.

T is for Trans Fats
The fats that’re most hated.
I’ll take mine more natural
Or non-hydrogenated.

U is for Uphill
This climb’ll leave you aching.
Take pride in your effort and
The progress you’re making.

V is for Veggies
They’re great to consume.
Beet ever so onion,
There snow peas legume.

W is for Weigh-In
It often will disgust us.
When you step on those scales,
Sometimes there’s no justice.

X is for XXL
Our plus sizes are whopping.
Losing weight opens up
Brand new shops for shopping.

Y is for Yo Yo
Weight is down, weight is higher.
That is really one game
That we need to retire.

Z is for ZZZ’s
Get plenty of snoozing.
It’ll help get your head
In the right place for losing.


  1. Perhaps the best one yet! What part of the word "junk" do you not understand? I want an autographed copy of the book when it comes out!

  2. Awesomeness.

    'D is for Diet
    Kiss those buffets good-bye.
    You know you can’t spell it
    Without the word “Die.”'

    Perfection! :)

  3. P should have been for POM- HAHA! :)
    Crossin my fingers (and toes) that my WI tomorrow scores me a mention in the poem! whoo hooo!

  4. LOVE IT! You are so clever and I am amazed at all the clever posts. :)
    Keeping my fingers crossed that I will be able to lose that half pound for the challenge. Though it's really 4.5 pouns for me to lose at this point. ugh

  5. Another beauty of a post. Made my day!!

    I'm working on the half pound, but it's a slow go. :)

  6. How do you come up with this stuff. Me likey. Very entertaining.

  7. The T is for Trans Fat made me spit water on my computer! Brilliant!

  8. Just incredible. Loved every entry.

    Always a must read!!! (pardon me for saying that for the 30th time, but really...I love your stuff)

    My best

  9. Seriously... everytime.... genius.

  10. Your posts Rock my socks.. I adore them!!!

  11. LOL I love this post! Thanks for starting my day off with a laugh!

  12. What is your day job? Great different kind of post. cheers

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  14. I figured it out..."Multiplicity". There is more than one Jack.

  15. So clever. I love it! Thanks for sharing!

  16. Heh - how do you come up with this stuff?!



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