Tuesday, May 19, 2009

What My Scale Might Say If It Could Talk

  • “Get off! Get off! Get off!”
  • “Maybe you’re just retaining fat.”
  • “They say any loss is a good loss. How’s about -.00001 lbs.?”
  • “Here comes the pain!”
  • “Round and round she goes, where she stops, nobody knows.”
  • “When you lose, you take all the credit; when you gain, ya blame me!”
  • “Looks like you’ve got Dunlap’s Disease. Your belly’s done lapped over your belt.”
  • “Ummmmph!”
  • “On the moon, you’d only weigh 43 pounds.”
  • “Why don’t you try again… maybe it’ll be drastically lower.”
  • “And you thought nobody saw you eat those chips…”
  • “Good news: you’re still beating anorexia!”
  • “Does this number make you look fat?”
  • “Tippin’ is encouraged. Get it, get it? Tippin’ the scales… ah, you don’t know funny.”
  • “Are you a glutton for punishment or just a regular glutton?”
  • “For God’s sake–will you please put on some underwear?”
  • “BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA….”
  • “Let’s say we just call it two hundred and plenty?”
  • “I’ve got an idea: today I’ll stand on you and call you a f*ckin’ b*tch.”
  • “Say, are you losing weight?

22 comments:

  1. Mine might say, o.k your starting to hurt me now :)

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  2. Mine DOES talk to me...it's a Mary Lou's Weigh Platform. She tells me that I'm doing a good job, or to eat more fruit, or go for a walk. In a nice upbeat voice, of course. Some days I just want her to shut the heck up, though!

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  3. I think maybe I'd be a lot more consistent with my loss if they yelled at me because then I'd get embarrassed :o) As it is, if I have a gain it's my dirty little secret and no-one else need know - mwah ha ha ha haaaa.

    Oh right - except I blog and put it up on the internet for all and sundry to see. Idiot.

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  4. Jack -- your toenails look great. You da man!

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  5. You could have a book..."Jack Sh*t's Book of Lists about Getting Fit"
    or "Jack Shit, Getting Fit Lists" hmmm...not working...you are the creative one. Come up with your own title. ;-)

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  6. Mine always tell me "one at a time, please"!

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  7. Yes, Jack you are the lists man lol. But funny as hell *smile*. Wish mine would say "get over it woman, it's just a number" lol.

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  8. please put the other foot down.

    please put the whole foot on the scale

    put the potato chips down.

    this is not a misprint

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  9. “I’ve got an idea: today I’ll stand on you and call you a f*ckin’ b*tch.”

    I think I love you.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Grrrrrrrr... not fair when comments are funnier than the post.

    Whenever I got nothing better to say, I seem to fart out another stupid list. Obviously, I seldom have anything better to say. ;)

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  11. Love it. The little scale for my wii fit says "OH!" when I step on it. b*tch. Hate that freakin scale. At least mine hasn't asked me to upgrade to the truck weighing scales.

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  12. "Maybe you’re just retaining fat.”

    Sheesh, you always make me laugh. Always. How many calories does laughing burn?

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  13. LOL @ KELLY- I hate that little OH from my Wii Fit! lol

    Great post....you've got such an imagination! lol

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  14. Your risk of blowing away is very low.

    Good morning William Perry.

    Who's the heaviest of them all?

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  15. Another great post. Good News, You're still beating anorexia. That made me laugh out loud. Just awesome.

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  16. “For God’s sake–will you please put on some underwear?”

    hahahahaha.

    I almost spit water all over my keyboard. :P

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  17. OMG! I loved this post! I have a scale that is on 24/7 PMS mode...i can't make her happy at all!! Been reading your Blog most of this evening...so glad i found it. Started 2010 with a goal to not only loose the extra 20lbs i gained in 2009, but to also record training for a 1/2 marathon with my hubby and good friend. We all need the exercise and lifestyle change and all 3 of us have experienced many of the topics you've blogged about. Thank you for being so candid and honest about your journey ;)

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  18. “On the moon, you’d only weigh 43 pounds.” Absolutely hilarious! Wouldn't it be great to have a scale that converted your weight to "moon weight"? God, I would so buy that!

    I just discovered your blog and was instantly hooked. I spent a good hour last night, reading past posts and telling my kids to leave me alone, I was having some quality time with my new friend Jack! Lol!

    Seriously, thank you for writing this blog. I have over 100 pounds to lose and just knowing I'm not alone makes all the difference in the world. I looked through all the W.I.D.T.H pictures and tears streamed down my face. I know the pain of being fat and I understood each one of those reasons for wanting to make a change.

    Thanks for the inspiration Jack!

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  19. Another post that made me smile. And to those who have talking scales 'rather you than me'...

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