Thursday, May 7, 2009

Reasons NOT to Lose Weight

  • Shame to waste all my “fat” pants
  • 25-lb. bags of potato chips at Costco make unhealthy lifestyle extremely affordable
  • Time spent weight loss blogging could easily be filled with TV watching
  • Less sweaty gym clothes = less laundry
  • Might miss out on playing Santa Claus at holiday parties
  • Easier to maintain casual friendships with all those fast food drive-thru workers
  • Don’t have to answer that embarrassing “Are you losing weight?” question
  • Good excuse to wear sweatpants in public
  • Don’t have to worry about a lot of leftovers cluttering up fridge
  • Get more for your money at “all-you-can-eat” buffet
  • Answer to all life’s problems? Gravy
  • Have kick-*ss health insurance to deal with any weight-related problems
  • Have gotten good at punching new holes in belt with screwdriver
  • Guy that owns the local Ben & Jerry’s franchise really wants me back

I dunno. I make a pretty compelling argument, but I think I’m gonna stick with the plan.


  1. I see your dilemma, esp. not getting our money's worth at the pig trough, I mean the "all you can eat" buffet. But I think you probably have made the best decision.

  2. That's so funny. Love the one about punching holes in the belt with a screwdriver. It works best with an ice pick. Just so you know. ;-)

    Stay on plan. The benefits of loss out"weigh" the benefits of being fat.
    *cooler clothes
    *can sit at a booth at a restaurant without belly pushing on table
    *only have to purchase 1 airline ticket instead of one for you and one for your ass
    *less health problems
    *less snoring
    *feel better

  3. Haha, I need that GIRTH pennant!

    These all seem like pretty good reasons...I mean, the economy is tough right now and that Ben & Jerry's guy has kids to support!

  4. God I hate doing laundry. I think I'm gonna go have some cheap potato chips, which are totally certain to make me feel all better.

  5. you can still wear sweat pants in public.... at the gym!



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