Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Things I Might Have Twatted If I Twittered

  • “Hey, I just saw a squirrel.”
  • “Carbs, schmarbs… pass me them waffles!”
  • “I’m really not feeling very exercisy today.”
  • “Wow… saw cloud that looks like mashed potatoes.”
  • “How many calories could a spoonful of marshmallow crème possibly have?”
  • “I’m doing fine without coffee. I really…zzz..zzzzz.zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.”
  • “FYI: the tuna smoothie experiment was a complete failure.”
  • “D*mmit…turns out restaurant doesn’t have a “delicious, no calories” section on menu
  • “Not even sure why I went in a store called ‘Nothin’ but Taffy.’”
  • “I could eat a biscuit the size of a hubcap.”
  • “There’s a cloud that looks like big bowl of ice cream.”
  • “Good for me. Didn’t take the elevator (took escalator insead).”
  • “Am on way to the gym and am going to… ahhhhhhh, look out. Nice driving, f*cktard!”
  • “Stopped by Starbucks and requested no sugar, no fat, no whip. Lady charged me $4 and handed me empty cup.”
  • “This twitter feed makes my blog look intelligent.”
  • “That cloud looks just like cotton candy.”
  • “I’m on track with my calories today as long as all I have for dinner is celery.”
  • “It’s possible that I have too much time on my hands.”
  • “Just call me Jack Tw*t.”


  1. yeah I dont understand the whole twitter thing myself. Who on earth would be interested in reading how many trips I made to the bathroom or if I had to run to the store to get a can of olives that I forgot so I can make dinner. lol

  2. I don't twitter. lol

    I'm LOL thought: Just get your head out of the clouds. lol

  3. Thanks for making my chuckle on a really crappy day!

  4. I love Twitter!

    Love the sense of humor, as usual. I think you would make a fine Tweet-er!

  5. When you lose 90 lbs, how do you pick which dog?

  6. I find I have to hold my tongue enough among non-diet-obsessed folk, I would definitely struggle with Twitter too!

  7. If I had the money, I'd pay you to twitter. Please consider it as a public service.

    “Not even sure why I went in a store called ‘Nothin’ but Taffy.’” <--- funny

  8. You would be great at Twitter! Celery for dinner? Sure, that would go over well in my house:) Love the squirrel one too!

  9. How do I pick which dog, Dina? The same way they pick the pope: spin the bottle.

  10. Love it! Too funny especially, “How many calories could a spoonful of marshmallow crème possibly have?” lol, that should be my motto in life.

  11. Those are great! Mine today would have been "saw a guy wearing gloves and brushing his teeth in a car behind me." Thanks for a great laugh!

  12. I don't know how to twitter either and don't want to learn.

  13. I don't get twitter either. Who cares what I'm doing every minute of the day. Trust me, laundry is NOT that exciting!

  14. I quit coffee, too, just to see if it helped. It did, darn it. zzzzzzzzzzzz



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