Monday, May 18, 2009

Signs It's Going to Be a Bad Weight-Loss Day

  • Woke up with a hunk of fudge in your mouth.
  • Gym closed for “swine flu” precautions.
  • Friends invite you to “Fondue Throwdown.”
  • You hear voices in the kitchen; turns out to be plate of talking brownies.
  • Starbucks barista: “Wait, was that supposed to be non-fat, no-whip?”
  • Ice cream truck has flat tire in front of your house.
  • Cute neighbor selling Girl Scout cookies door to door.
  • You’ve maxed out your points for today by 6:30 p.m. yesterday.
  • Pedometer says you’ve walked minus 1 mile so far.
  • Your hunger pains have hunger pains.
  • Freezer breaks down day after you bought all those popscicles.
  • Guy at concession stand at movies could have sworn you said “Mo’ butter.”
  • Weight Watcher instructor gasps when you walk through door.
  • A secret admirer keeps leaving you glazed donuts and slices of crispy bacon.
  • Boss invites you to lunch at Cheesecake Factory.
  • Turns out recipe for “fat-free lemon bars” had two sticks of butter.
  • Could swear you heard scale laugh as you came near it.
Happy f*ckin' Monday.


  1. Mo' butter :-) I'm laughing, and hoping none of these things really happened!

  2. I watched some show yesterday that actually had bacon on a maple glazed donut lol.

    Hope it isn't a bad day for ya. Hang in there.

  3. OMG, I can't decide which is my favorite. The girl scout thing actually happened to me. I even had a post about how I mean to Girl Scouts and don't buy their stuff.

    Those are funny, my friend. All are very good signs that it is not going to be a good weight loss day. :)

  4. List was inspired by fact that I bought daughter a box of those big cookies from Costco for a party she was attending. Of course, she forgot the cookies, so they spent the entire weekend on my kitchen table.

    I didn't eat any, but I did assign different voices and unique personalities to each individual cookie. Forced her to take them to school with her this morning because they were all talking to me non-stop.

  5. Fondue Throwdown sounds slightly erotic.

  6. Yum I could go for a yummy glazed donut- bacon sandwich right about now! PMS will do that to a girl! lol


  7. Starbucks barista: “Wait, was that supposed to be non-fat, no-whip?”

    This has happened to me more than once!

  8. "Pedometer says you’ve walked minus 1 mile so far."

    This is my fav.

  9. So which was it that happened to you, Jack??? Something must have inspired the list! If it's any help, my scales cackle at me every morning - it's their way of messing with my head. There's also a tin of extremely nice cookies on my coffee table that are practically screaming at me. To be fair, they were hidden away somewhere in my room, but I've inexplicably moved them into plain sight. I think I must be a sadist! Still can't quite bring myself to eat one though :o(

  10. The Starbucks "ooops" is exactly the reason i now make awesome nonfat lattes at home ;) I've had them tell me it was non-fat when i clearly saw them pour "whole"!!!!



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