LEAST SH*TTY POSTS

Reversing It

I will always be fat
And I refuse to believe that
I can lose this weight
I do
I realize that isn’t the way most people think but
“Eating to live instead of living to eat”
That’s just not working out, and I truly believe
Eating what I want will make me happier in the end
It’s just a big fat lie, thinking
Being fit is the most important thing in my life
Now I understand that
Making myself happy with food
Is more important than
Making myself healthy with food
And this much is true:
People are succeeding at losing weight every day
But I know in my heart this will not be the case for me
This could wind up killing me
Doctors tell me
I will shorten my life and steal time away from my family
Right now it doesn’t seem possible that
I can change my ways and be fit for the rest of my life
This is what I believe:
This journey is just too tough for me
I don’t want to even consider the fact that
I can control the causes of my shortcomings and my failings
It’s just a fact of life that
People like me are weak-willed and lazy
And it’s ridiculous to believe that
I will lose weight and be healthy

That’s how I used to think; then I chose to reverse it (read from the bottom up).

Sea of Possibilities

So there you are, in your little boat, bobbing along in the middle of a vast, seemingly endless ocean.

Some days the wind catches your sails and scoots you along, making your journey easy and effortless. It doesn’t even seem like work as you breezily skip across the water, enjoying the salt air and sunshine.

Most days, however, your progress doesn’t come that easy. More likely, it depends on you sticking your oars in the water and rowing for all you are worth.

And some days the waves will push you away from where you want to go. That doesn’t seem quite fair, I know, but the ocean makes its own rules.

And every day, you’ll have to decide…

Should I turn back?

Am I content going nowhere?

Will I give in?

Right now, it may seem that your goal is forever-and-a-day away. You’re lost and alone and the challenge ahead of you seems so large and intimidating.

But remember this: you had the courage and commitment to strike out to sea. You crossed huge hurdles and passed through severe storms.

You’ve made it this far.

Spotting dry land may take months, may take years, but if the course you’ve plotted is true, then one day –– and maybe one day soon –– you’ll make it to where you’re headed and be strengthened by the experience all the more.

Your hopes, your dreams, your goals… they’re out there, within grasp if you power through and persevere. Each day that you keep pushing forward, each day that you stay pointed in the right direction... well, it's one day closer to your goal.

Bon voyage.

“A ship in port is safe, but that's 

not what ships are built for.”

–Grace Hopper

 

The Raven-ous

Once upon a morning fleeting, I was pondering what I was eating,
Logging in my early meal’s caloric score
I was finally able to finagle, how many carbs were in that bagel,
When suddenly there came a rapping, rapping on my kitchen door.
“'Tis my wife,” I softly muttered. “Returning from the grocery store.
Only this, and nothing more.”

I put down my bread (unbuttered), “Honey, is that you?” I uttered,
“Do you need some help with the groceries that you purchased at the store?”
Then a awful chill shot through me, when it suddenly came to me
That this rapping wasn’t from my spouse returning from the store.
In the window was the blackest, fattest bird I’ve seen before,
And he chirped out: “Eat some more.”

I gazed down at my morning spread, which had not left me well-fed.
“Sir,” said I, “or Madam, truly your forgiveness I implore;
But the fact is I’m on a diet, (and it appears that you should try it),
And so faintly you came tapping, tapping at my kitchen door.
Are you some mysterious beast that came from mythological lore?”
Quoth the raven: “Eat some more.”

So I flung open the pantry wide, to find the delicious food inside,
I grabbed cookies, cakes and crackers, then I scoured the shelves for more
Pop-Tarts, pretzels filled my arms: half a box of Lucky Charms,
I laid it all out on the table, rich and tasty snacks galore.
And perched at the window, just beside the kitchen door,
Laughed the raven: “Eat some more.”

Then this ebony bird beguiling (I could swear that he was smiling),
As he stared upon the table laden down with foodstuffs by the score
How did my morning meal turn into something so surreal?
Ghastly grim and ancient raven wandering from the nightly shore -
Tell me why you want me eating, why do you put my will to war?
Quoth the raven, “Eat some more.”

Well, that devil, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting
Sitting patiently and waiting right beside my kitchen door;
And he wants to see me cheating, only happy when I’m eating
And he’ll always be beside me no matter how much I ignore.
But my heart and soul are stronger than they’ve ever been before
And I shall be tempted - Nevermore!

apologies to Edgar Allen Poe

Something a Little Different