There’s No W.I.D.T.H.ering On This Vine

I’ll be honest: as much as I really like my bloggity-blog’s W.I.D.T.H. feature, I figured that it might just have run its course.

If you’re new to these parts, W.I.D.T.H. stands for “Why I Do This Here” and it’s been this site’s most enduring feature. Folks send in photos that express the reason (or reasons) that they’re on this weight loss and/or healthy living roller coaster.

Anyway, I got invited to do some guest posting on Anytime Health’s site and was asked specifically to do a W.I.D.T.H. post.

I did it (check it out here), and suddenly my email inbox was filled with new pix, new ideas, new reasons for getting healthy.

What’s your motivation for doing this? Your family? Your future? Share it with me and the rest of the world (or at least that teensy-tiny part of the world that stops by this blog every so often). Be sure and include a blog link if you’d like a cheap way to get a little traffic to your site. Send it to jacksh.tgettinfit@gmail.com and let’s keep this W.I.D.T.H. train running a little longer. 

 Britt - "Why I workout.. For a climb like this!
Two and a half hours of stairs to see Machu Picchu in Peru!" 

 Curtis @ Race Fifty States

Emily- "This sweet face motivates me to get fit! 

She is my fav workout buddy!  We started running together!"

Greta @ Frumpy to Fabulous

 Jennifer - "My kids are my main reason, but this picture keeps me going. I struggle with my weight everyday. Its always Up and down, but I don't ever want to be in a double pants size ever again." 

 Laura @ Diary of a Fat Girl

 Laurie

 Shiloh

Tiff

More Paula Deen Sightings

Last week, professional butter-wrangler Paula Deen announced that she’s been suffering from type 2 diabetes for the past three years. 

She acknowledged that a person has “to make changes in your life” but apparently, Deen isn't quite ready for a full-scale nutritional overhaul.

TMZ posted a photo of Deen cramming down a cheeseburger and fries this week while on a Caribbean cruise. 

My prediction for future Deen sightings…

• Caught eating fried shrimp right out of an industrial-sized fry daddy in back of Red Lobster kitchen

• Stopped by airport security trying to smuggle gallon jug of boiled custard onto flight

• Discovered hot-boxing a Philly cheesesteak during commercial break of Today Show appearance

• Photographed by grocery store security camera drinking entire bottle of Thousand Island dressing

• Shows up dressed in Girl Scout uniform to pick up 200 boxes of Thin Mints

• Wins “who-can-eat-most-sticks-of-butter-in-10-minutes” bet against competitive eating champion Takeru Kobayashi

• College kid at Taco Bell takes cellphone movie of Paula’s 2 a.m. taco frenzy

• Reportedly slaps a waitress who brings her a side of fresh fruit instead of the bowl of mayonnaise she asked for

• Panicked 9-1-1 call ends up with authorities finding Deen’s unsconscious body in a hot tub filled with rotel dip

Stress Busters!

• When your boss is talking to you, imagine that it’s the teacher from those Charlie Brown cartoons: “Waaah waaaah wahhhh, wahhhh wahhhh wahhhhh.”

• When you’re stuck in gridlocked traffic, use that time to practice yelling obscenities at other motorists.

• Fishing is a great way to reduce stress, unless you’re a fish.

• Do something nice for someone, and by “someone” I mean me and by “something nice” I mean pay my daughter’s college tuition.

• Close your eyes, taking deep calming breaths and… WILL YOU QUIT HONKING AT ME… I’M TRYING TO REDUCE MY STRESS OVER HERE!!!!

• Remember that “stressed” spelled backwards is “desserts”… cheesecake to the rescue!

• Instead of worrying about all your problems, why don’t you try to make them all magically go away. I mean, have you tried making them all magically go away? Have you? HAVE YOU?

• Mondays are generally a high-stress day so consider just staying home in bed that day.

• Before going to bed, drink a cup of warm whiskey.

• Sex is a great stress reducer, but be careful that you don’t make a baby, which a great stress increaser.

I Think I Can

There was once a not-so-tiny train that thought he weighed too much.

“11,000 tons?” he remarked in disgust at his previous weigh-in. “I’ve got to get back on track.”

So the next day, he chugged 1,000 miles without stopping.

“I think I can, I think I can, I think I can.”

But later that week, the scale still said 11,000 tons.

“I don’t get it,” whined the train. “I’ve been working my caboose off with no results.”

The next week, he chugged 2,500 miles, including up a very steep mountain.

“I think I can, I think I can, I think I can.”

Weigh-in: 11,000 tons.

“Is there nothing I can do to engineer a loss?” he asked desolately.

“Hello,” said a stranger who was wandering along the train tracks. “My name is Boxcar Jacky and I think I can help.”

“You think you can?” asked the train.

“I think I can,” repeated Boxcar Jacky. “Exercise alone isn’t always enough to lighten your load. Consider consuming fewer calories as well.”

“I’m a train, dumbass,” exclaimed the train.

“Oh yeah,” remarked Boxcar Jacky. “Well, how’s about we uncouple a few of your cars.”

They did, and the train came in at a svelte 10,500 tons at his next weigh-in.

“Lose weight?” smiled the train. “I think I can, I think I can, I think I can.”

“Great,” smiled Boxcar Jacky. “Now can I catch a ride down the line?”

“Are you kidding me?” laughed the train, taking off down the track. “I just lost 500 tons; you think I want to gain it right back?”

When Hairy Met Salad

(Jack and Sally at a diner)

Sally: So you’re having a salad?

Jack: Sure, I love salad. Love it! I’m on a diet, y’know.

Sally: What kind of salad is that?

Jack: It’s the Bistro Caesar salad with glazed pecans.

Sally: That’s a bunch of croutons.

Jack: What can I say? I’m a cretin that loves croutons.

Sally: And what kind of dressing is that?
 
Jack: I couldn’t decide between French or Ranch, so I got both.

Sally: You know, I get kind of ticked off at people who eat big crazy salads and think they’re eating healthy. Did you know that T.G.I. Friday’s has a salad with 1,800 calories and Applebee’s has one with 93 grams of fat.

Jack: Why are you getting so upset?  I’m eating a salad.

Sally: You are a human affront to all healthy people, and I am a healthy person.

Jack: Hey, I had them leave off the candy corn.

Sally: I just don’t know why you can’t eat a normal healthy salad.

Jack: Maybe because I like my salad better.

Sally: How do you know?

Jack: What do you mean how do I know?  I know.

Sally: Because they’re better?

Jack: Yes, because they’re better.

Sally: And how do you know that it’s really better?

Jack: What are you saying, that your healthy salad is as tasty as my jacked-up one?

Sally: It’s possible.

Jack: Get outta here!

Sally: Why?  I just want you to eat a real salad if you’re going to eat a salad.

Jack: Well, they aren’t as good to me.

Sally: How do you know?

Jack: Because I know.

Sally: Oh, right, that’s right, I forgot, you’re an idiot.

Jack: What’s that supposed to mean?

Sally: Nothing. It’s just that I think if you tried them, you’d like regular, healthy salads.

Jack: You don't think that I could tell the difference?

Sally: No.

Jack: Get outta here.

Sally: Ooo...Oh...Ooo...

Jack: Are you okay?

Sally: Oh...Oh god...Ooo Oh God...Oh...Oh...Oh...Oh God...Oh this salad is so delicious
Oh!  Oh...Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes...Oh...Oh...Yes Yes Yes....Oh...Yes Yes Yes
Yes Yes Yes...Oh...Oh... Oh... Oh God Oh... Oh...

Jack: Ummmm…. I'll have what she's having.

I Am An Italian Cruise Ship Captain

Like Francesco Schettino, I was put in charge of a magnificent vessel and preceeded to run it into the ground.

The Italian cruise ship captain made more than a few mistakes in the disaster aboard the luxurious Costa Concordia, and I’ve made more than my share with attaining (and maintaining) a healthy weight for my body.

The ship was valued at nearly a half-billion dollars, not including the value of all the personal effects of the guests and the vault of cash in the ship’s casino. The value of my healthy future? Limitless.

I Tripped. The captain has reportedly said the reason he was in a lifeboat while thousands of panic-stricken passengers and crew were trying to evacuate was because he “tripped” and fell into the rescue craft. That’s kinda how I feel sometimes, like I’m doing what I think are all the right things but aren’t really all the right things at all when you step back and take a critical look at them.

Get Back in the Ship, Dammit! It has come to symbolize the entire disaster – the furious command barked by a Coast Guard official to the captain to get back on the ship and take command of the mass evacuation.

“Get back on board, for ----’s sake,” screamed the official– a phrase that has now gone viral among Italians on Facebook, Twitter and other social networking sites. They’re even selling t-shirts.

It’s also what I’ve been telling myself lately: get back on board, for ----’s sake!

It’s time to get serious about this, once and for all.

I am the master of my destiny, the captain of my soul.

And I’m going down with the ship.

Mistakes Where Made

Weekly weigh-in: 251.4


Loss: +1.2

Total loss: -40.1


Emotion: Unbowed

Now let us speak no more of this miserable business…