Monday, November 24, 2014

Say “Yes” to Less-Stress Success

• You can turn a tennis ball into a stress ball by... well... just by squeezing it, I guess. Great job!

• Screaming at your boss and walking out of the office with your pants around your ankles will make you feel better for 30 seconds or so.

• Breathing exercises are a great way to reduce stress. Try this: breath out, then breath out again, then breath out again, one more time, out, out, out. Now when you wake up from having passed out, I’ll bet you feel much better.

• Some “experts” tout the benefits of ammoniatherapy in stress reduction, but smelling a rag dipped in ammonia just gives me a headache.

• Try a cup of chamomile tea while listening to classical music while getting a massage while having sex. Talk about relaxing!

• Giant pile of laundry got you feeling down? Do you own a can of lighter fluid and a box of matches?


• Sometimes all it takes to calm yourself down is taking a long walk down a quiet Mexican beach.

Thursday, November 20, 2014

Some Really Unhealthy Thanksgiving Food Ideas

• Turkey stuffed with Chocolate Pudding

• Marshmallow Casserole topped with Candied Yams

• Cheese Au Gratin

• Mashed Vanilla Frosting with Gravy

• Fried Cranberry Sauce

• Candy Cornbread Dressing

• Hambrosia

• Macaroni-and-Cheesecake

• Grease Bean Casserole

• Pecumpkin Pie (Pecan Pie topped with Pumpkin Pie)


Need more unhealthy Thanksgiving ideas? Click here.









Wednesday, November 19, 2014

Weigh-In Wednesday: That’s the Way the Fat-Free Cookie Crumbles

Your goals are right there.

Every day.

Every single day.

And every day you’re either one day closer.

Or one day farther away.

Or one day exactly the same, I guess.

I’m tired of being farther away.

I’m tired of being the same.

It’s time to get going.

Every day.


THE WEEKLY PHYSIQUELY

Weight when I first started blogging: 291.5 lbs.
Last weigh-in: 263.8
Current weight: 263.2
Loss: 0.6
Total loss since re-start: 6.8 lbs.
Goal for coming week: Eat more less, do more more.



Thursday, November 13, 2014

Signs It's Gonna Be One of THOSE Days

• Glove compartment inexplicably filled with freshly prepared bacon



• Nurse who administers flu shot gives you candy apple for being so brave


• You go to answer you cellphone, only it turns out to be a Hershey bar


• Sample lady at grocery store holds you down and squirts entire can of Cheese Whiz down your throat


• The blog post you spent 45 minutes writing turns out to just be the words “ICE CREAM” repeated 700 times


• When you pointed to an item on the menu, the waitress thought you ordered the entire menu


• For some strange reason, your manicurist is having you soak your fingers in barbecue sauce

 

• Shipment from Donut-of-the-Month Club arrives

 

• You pour yourself a steaming cup of coffee, but then realize that
 someone filled the carafe with rotel dip

 

• Waitress forgets to bring your hot fudge on the side when she drops 
off your sundae


• Multi-vitamins you’ve been taking turn out to be Sugar Babies

 

• Have to call off your workout because somebody's on your lucky treadmill

 

• Neighbor brings by a bunch of freshly picked cotton candy

 

• Forgot it was weigh-in day and wore your chain-mail socks


• 100-calorie bagel you had for breakfast turns out to be 1,000-calorie one instead


• You’re at work, and the conveyor belt that delivers the chocolate candy that you’re supposed to wrap speeds up like crazy…


Monday, November 10, 2014

The F.I.T. Song


(speaking part)

Lungebob: It's not about losing, it's about getting fit!

Jackton: What's that?

Lungebob:  Fit is when you...fit is...it’s like...it's kinda...sorta like a...
What is fit?? HERE...Let me spell it for you!

Lungebob: 

F is for Friends gettin’ healthy together.
I is for You and I.
T is for Training to make your body better.

Gym Creatures: 

You can do it (or at least you can try)!

Jackton: 

F is for Fries that fill up your belly.
I is for ICE CREAM… SANDWICHES.
T is for television when you're-

Lungebob:
 

Jackton! Those things aren’t what fit is all about!
Now, do it like this…
F is for Friends who get healthy to-

Jackton: 

Never! That's completely idiotic!

Lungebob: 

Here, Let me help you...
F is for friends who get fit together.
I is for You and I, TRY IT!

Jackton: 

T is for Training to make your body better.

Gym Creatures: 

You can do it (or at least you can try)!

Jackton: 

Wait...I don't understand ...I feel all tingly inside...
Should we stop?

Lungebob: 

No! That's how you're supposed to feel!

Jackton: 

Well I like it! Lets do it again!

Lungebob:

Okay!

Lungebob & Jack:

F is for Free Weights workin’ your muscles.
I is for Intensity.
T is for Toe touches, triceps, and tangerines.
Say goodbye to obesity!

(Laughing part)

Gym Creatures: 

You can do it (or at least you can try)!

Who works out in a fitness center under the sea? This guy!


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