Monday, October 20, 2014

Cooking Tips for Healthy Cooking

• Tired of chopping onions making you cry? Try this: imagine your first pet and the way it looked at you as it lay dying in your arms. Ha! Now those hateful onions won’t get the satisfaction of making you cry. YOU’RE ALREADY CRYING!

• When sautéing, use a tablespoon of canola oil instead of a tableful of canola oil.

• When baking cookies, substitute carob chips for chocolate chips unless you care that you’ll make everyone hate you.

• If you don’t have a crockpot, it’s not a good idea to just pile a bunch of ingredients on top of a space heater and let it run on “High” all day.

• Add walnuts to cereal, muffins or salads. Plus, try walnut oil in salad dressings, too. Oh, by the way… I probably should mention fact that I’m a paid member of the International Walnut Advisory Council.

• To make pizza healthier, eat something else.

• Have you tried Poached Perch with Pickled Peaches? I have no idea if it’s any good or not, but that’s a helluva name, isn’t it?

• Instead of extra-virgin olive oil, cook with extra-abstinate olive oil.









Friday, October 17, 2014

Fitness Mottos That Probably Could Be Improved

• Fall Down 7 Times, Get Up 7 Times (Any More Getting Up Would Be More Than Absolutely Necessary)

• I’ll Rest When I’m Dead or Saturday, Whichever Comes First

• No Pain, No Pain

• Think Training’s Hard? Well, You’re Right!

• If You Think You Can, You Can.  If You Think You Can’t, You Can’t. If You Think You Can-Opener, You Can-Opener!

• Nothing Tastes As Good As Being Fit Feels, With the Possible Exception of Cheesecake

• I May Not Be the Strongest. I May Not Be the Fastest. I May Not Be the Smartest. Ummmm, I May Have Forgotten the Point I Was Trying to Make…

• Sweat Is Simply Moisture Exuded Through the Pores of the Skin, Typically in Profuse Quantities as a Reaction to Heat, Physical Exertion, Fever or Fear. 


• Just Do Sh*t


Thursday, October 16, 2014

Weigh-In Whatsday: A Date with Density

Yes, I know it’s Thursday, and this is supposed to be "Weigh-In Wednesday".

Maybe I don’t know how to use a calendar…

But I can damn-well use a scale!

Down another pound, baby.

THE WEEKLY PHYSIQUELY

Weight when I first started blogging: 291.5 lbs.
Last weigh-in: 265.0
Current weight: 263.9
Loss: 1.1
Total loss since re-start: 6.1 lbs.
Goal for coming week: Get crackin'... you're already behind a day!



Tuesday, October 14, 2014

Taste of Nature Bars - A "Free-for-Me" Review

Anita: Jack, you got another freebie box.

Jack: Oooooooooooooo… freebies.

Anita: Are you going to actually write a review for your blog this time?

Jack: I always write reviews when companies send me products!

Anita: As a matter of fact, there are two unopened packages under the dining room table from three months ago.

Jack: I sometimes write reviews when companies send me products!

Anita: Well, what’s in there?

Jack: Something called Taste of Nature bars.

Anita: You’re not gonna do another song review, are you? You ruined that Chitty, Chitty Bang Bang ditty for me.

Jack: * snort * You said “ditty.”

Anita: Oh, well… these actually look pretty good. Nothing artificial, no fillers and chemicals with names as hard to pronounce as they are to digest. Just do me one favor, and don’t give them a million stars like you do everything else you review.

Jack: Oh, I got it. I’ll do the entire review as a series of nut nut jokes.

Anita: Nut nut?

Jack: Who’s there?

Anita: * sigh * Why don’t you just tell your readers… what few of them remain… that Taste of Nature bars are made of 100% certified organic ingredients and make for a wholesome, nutritious snack.

Jack: Mmmmmm. These really aren’t bad at all. In fact, I GIVE THEM ONE MILLION STARS.

Anita: Nut nut.

Jack: Who’s there?

Anita: Europe.

Jack: Europe who?

Anita: No, Jack…  you’re a poo.




Taste of Nature bars are 100% certified organic, non-GMO project certified and gluten free. Taste of Nature did not pay me for this review, and – come to think of it – WHY DIDN’T TASTE OF NATURE PAY ME FOR THIS REVIEW???????

Monday, October 13, 2014

Begin Again

There was an old man named Jackie Sh*ttigan,
He had whiskers on his chinnigan,
He slimmed up, then got fat again,
Poor old Jackie Sh*ttigan,
Begin again.

There was an old man named Jackie Sh*ttigan,
Was doing great, but then he quit again.,
He really wishes that he could get fit again.
Poor old Jackie Sh*ttigan,
Begin again.

There was an old man named Jackie Sh*ttigan,
He grew fat and then grew thin again,
Every day he must begin again,
Wise old Jackie Sh*ttigan,
Begin again.



Friday, October 10, 2014

Fitsy Business



Miles: Sometimes you gotta say “What the fit” – make yourself move. Jack. 

Jack: “That’s easy for you to say; you’ve got... what... 4% body fat. Me? I don’t want to work out every day.

Miles: “Jack, you wanna know something?”

Jack: “Not espec...”

Miles: “Every now and then, you gotta say ‘What the fit’.”
  
Jack:  ...

Miles: “‘What the fit’ brings fitness. Fitness makes for healthiness, healthiness brings you happiness. So your wife and kids are going out of town?”

Jack: “Tomorrow.”

Miles: “You got the place all to yourself.”


Jack: “Yeah...”

Miles: “Normally, you’d order an extra-large deep-dish pizza and watch three seasons of some 90’s crime show on Netflix. What I’m telling you is this: Eat right... exercise… just say ‘What the fit.’”

Miles: “If you can’t say it, you can’t do it.”



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