Tuesday, May 19, 2009

What My Scale Might Say If It Could Talk

  • “Get off! Get off! Get off!”
  • “Maybe you’re just retaining fat.”
  • “They say any loss is a good loss. How’s about -.00001 lbs.?”
  • “Here comes the pain!”
  • “Round and round she goes, where she stops, nobody knows.”
  • “When you lose, you take all the credit; when you gain, ya blame me!”
  • “Looks like you’ve got Dunlap’s Disease. Your belly’s done lapped over your belt.”
  • “Ummmmph!”
  • “On the moon, you’d only weigh 43 pounds.”
  • “Why don’t you try again… maybe it’ll be drastically lower.”
  • “And you thought nobody saw you eat those chips…”
  • “Good news: you’re still beating anorexia!”
  • “Does this number make you look fat?”
  • “Tippin’ is encouraged. Get it, get it? Tippin’ the scales… ah, you don’t know funny.”
  • “Are you a glutton for punishment or just a regular glutton?”
  • “For God’s sake–will you please put on some underwear?”
  • “Let’s say we just call it two hundred and plenty?”
  • “I’ve got an idea: today I’ll stand on you and call you a f*ckin’ b*tch.”
  • “Say, are you losing weight?


  1. Mine might say, o.k your starting to hurt me now :)

    1. Two summers ago, I worked with a great gal from Hollywood, Rachel Nichols.
      Rachel did some TT workouts while filming a movie up here in Toronto.

      That's about it for me in terms of training Hollywood actors or
      actresses in person, but recently I was asked, "Imagine you're
      working with a major film star who has eight weeks to lose 30
      pounds of fat and build some muscle in preparation for the lead
      role in the latest Hollywood blockbuster. What do you do with them?"

      Here's my answer...

      I would have control over every single thing that they eat. That's
      the biggest ticket to success here. No booze, no excess sugar, and
      just giving them enough reward to stick with the program.

      If this "star" is a typical overweight, sedentary individual, we'll have
      no problem getting rid of 20 pounds of fat through nutrition.

      As for exercise, we need to be consistent, and stick with our intensity
      principles. We would do 3 hard workouts per week using strength
      training followed by interval training with the program being centered
      around basic movement patterns done with free weights.

      Everything is done in supersets in the workout to get more done in
      less time. For example, we might do a squat supersetted with a
      pressing exercise. I also like to pair free weight exercises and
      bodyweight exercises in supersets, for example, a dumbbell split
      squat paired with a decline pushup.

      We'll do 3 superset pairs, each for 1-3 sets, and stick to 8
      repetitions per set. Then we'll finish the workout with 6 hard
      intervals of 30-60 seconds (with 60-120 seconds rest between each).
      This way, we are in and out of the gym in 45 minutes.

      On "off days", we'd still get at least 30 minutes, if not 60
      minutes, of low-intensity exercise. But it wouldn't just be slow
      cardio. Instead, we'd focus on low-intensity bodyweight training.
      For example, if the actor can do a maximum of 25 bodyweight squats,
      15 pushups, and 5 chinups, we would use easier versions of those
      exercises in circuits.

      Here's a sample 6 exercise bodyweight circuit that we'd do at least
      3 times, doing 10 reps per exercise.

      Wall Squat
      Kneeling Pushup
      Beginner Inverted Bodyweight Row
      Stability Ball Leg Curl
      Mountain Climber

      After that, we might cross train with a variety of cardio exercises
      to avoid overuse injuries that occur when you repeatedly do the
      same activity and nothing else.

      So that's pretty much it. If he (or she) sticks to their nutrition,
      we're as good as gold and the actor will be ready just in time.

      Click here to start losing fat with Turbulence Training: ===> Drop 30 Pounds in 8 Weeks? <=====

      Screw New Years, get started now,

      Craig Ballantyne, CTT
      Certified Turbulence Trainer
      Author, Turbulence Training

      PS - Turbulence Training Beats Cardio for Fat Burning Effectiveness.

      "Craig's workouts were fun and challenging - I didn't dread going to the
      gym and I wasn't overly sore after our sessions. Much like my trainer in
      LA, Craig's workouts were always different: the exercises, the supersets,
      the weights...the combination of elements always varied and, therefore,
      I never got bored or felt like I was in a workout rut. And my co-stars
      couldn't believe how great my arms looked, thanks to Craig helping me
      do my first chin-up. Thanks Craig!"
      Rachel Nichols, actress

      Click here to get Turbulence Training: ===> Fast fat loss workouts... <=====

      "I have been in love with Turbulence Training ever since I started.
      I am 6'3", 28/M and my starting weight/body fat% was 208 pounds and
      18.4% body fat. After 22 weeks of TT, I am now down to 190 lbs and
      10.8% body fat."
      Nick Walters, New York, NY

  2. Mine DOES talk to me...it's a Mary Lou's Weigh Platform. She tells me that I'm doing a good job, or to eat more fruit, or go for a walk. In a nice upbeat voice, of course. Some days I just want her to shut the heck up, though!

  3. I think maybe I'd be a lot more consistent with my loss if they yelled at me because then I'd get embarrassed :o) As it is, if I have a gain it's my dirty little secret and no-one else need know - mwah ha ha ha haaaa.

    Oh right - except I blog and put it up on the internet for all and sundry to see. Idiot.

  4. Jack -- your toenails look great. You da man!

  5. You could have a book..."Jack Sh*t's Book of Lists about Getting Fit"
    or "Jack Shit, Getting Fit Lists" hmmm...not working...you are the creative one. Come up with your own title. ;-)

  6. Mine always tell me "one at a time, please"!

  7. Yes, Jack you are the lists man lol. But funny as hell *smile*. Wish mine would say "get over it woman, it's just a number" lol.

  8. please put the other foot down.

    please put the whole foot on the scale

    put the potato chips down.

    this is not a misprint

  9. “I’ve got an idea: today I’ll stand on you and call you a f*ckin’ b*tch.”

    I think I love you.

  10. Grrrrrrrr... not fair when comments are funnier than the post.

    Whenever I got nothing better to say, I seem to fart out another stupid list. Obviously, I seldom have anything better to say. ;)

  11. Love it. The little scale for my wii fit says "OH!" when I step on it. b*tch. Hate that freakin scale. At least mine hasn't asked me to upgrade to the truck weighing scales.

  12. "Maybe you’re just retaining fat.”

    Sheesh, you always make me laugh. Always. How many calories does laughing burn?

  13. LOL @ KELLY- I hate that little OH from my Wii Fit! lol

    Great post....you've got such an imagination! lol

  14. Your risk of blowing away is very low.

    Good morning William Perry.

    Who's the heaviest of them all?

  15. Another great post. Good News, You're still beating anorexia. That made me laugh out loud. Just awesome.

  16. “For God’s sake–will you please put on some underwear?”


    I almost spit water all over my keyboard. :P

  17. OMG! I loved this post! I have a scale that is on 24/7 PMS mode...i can't make her happy at all!! Been reading your Blog most of this evening...so glad i found it. Started 2010 with a goal to not only loose the extra 20lbs i gained in 2009, but to also record training for a 1/2 marathon with my hubby and good friend. We all need the exercise and lifestyle change and all 3 of us have experienced many of the topics you've blogged about. Thank you for being so candid and honest about your journey ;)

  18. “On the moon, you’d only weigh 43 pounds.” Absolutely hilarious! Wouldn't it be great to have a scale that converted your weight to "moon weight"? God, I would so buy that!

    I just discovered your blog and was instantly hooked. I spent a good hour last night, reading past posts and telling my kids to leave me alone, I was having some quality time with my new friend Jack! Lol!

    Seriously, thank you for writing this blog. I have over 100 pounds to lose and just knowing I'm not alone makes all the difference in the world. I looked through all the W.I.D.T.H pictures and tears streamed down my face. I know the pain of being fat and I understood each one of those reasons for wanting to make a change.

    Thanks for the inspiration Jack!

  19. Another post that made me smile. And to those who have talking scales 'rather you than me'...

  20. I really like what you guys tend to be up too. This
    sort of clever work and coverage! Keep up the amazing works
    guys I've included you guys to blogroll.

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