Tuesday, May 19, 2009

What My Scale Might Say If It Could Talk

  • “Get off! Get off! Get off!”
  • “Maybe you’re just retaining fat.”
  • “They say any loss is a good loss. How’s about -.00001 lbs.?”
  • “Here comes the pain!”
  • “Round and round she goes, where she stops, nobody knows.”
  • “When you lose, you take all the credit; when you gain, ya blame me!”
  • “Looks like you’ve got Dunlap’s Disease. Your belly’s done lapped over your belt.”
  • “Ummmmph!”
  • “On the moon, you’d only weigh 43 pounds.”
  • “Why don’t you try again… maybe it’ll be drastically lower.”
  • “And you thought nobody saw you eat those chips…”
  • “Good news: you’re still beating anorexia!”
  • “Does this number make you look fat?”
  • “Tippin’ is encouraged. Get it, get it? Tippin’ the scales… ah, you don’t know funny.”
  • “Are you a glutton for punishment or just a regular glutton?”
  • “For God’s sake–will you please put on some underwear?”
  • “Let’s say we just call it two hundred and plenty?”
  • “I’ve got an idea: today I’ll stand on you and call you a f*ckin’ b*tch.”
  • “Say, are you losing weight?


  1. Mine might say, o.k your starting to hurt me now :)

  2. Mine DOES talk to me...it's a Mary Lou's Weigh Platform. She tells me that I'm doing a good job, or to eat more fruit, or go for a walk. In a nice upbeat voice, of course. Some days I just want her to shut the heck up, though!

  3. I think maybe I'd be a lot more consistent with my loss if they yelled at me because then I'd get embarrassed :o) As it is, if I have a gain it's my dirty little secret and no-one else need know - mwah ha ha ha haaaa.

    Oh right - except I blog and put it up on the internet for all and sundry to see. Idiot.

  4. Jack -- your toenails look great. You da man!

  5. You could have a book..."Jack Sh*t's Book of Lists about Getting Fit"
    or "Jack Shit, Getting Fit Lists" hmmm...not working...you are the creative one. Come up with your own title. ;-)

  6. Mine always tell me "one at a time, please"!

  7. Yes, Jack you are the lists man lol. But funny as hell *smile*. Wish mine would say "get over it woman, it's just a number" lol.

  8. please put the other foot down.

    please put the whole foot on the scale

    put the potato chips down.

    this is not a misprint

  9. “I’ve got an idea: today I’ll stand on you and call you a f*ckin’ b*tch.”

    I think I love you.

  10. Grrrrrrrr... not fair when comments are funnier than the post.

    Whenever I got nothing better to say, I seem to fart out another stupid list. Obviously, I seldom have anything better to say. ;)

  11. Love it. The little scale for my wii fit says "OH!" when I step on it. b*tch. Hate that freakin scale. At least mine hasn't asked me to upgrade to the truck weighing scales.

  12. "Maybe you’re just retaining fat.”

    Sheesh, you always make me laugh. Always. How many calories does laughing burn?

  13. LOL @ KELLY- I hate that little OH from my Wii Fit! lol

    Great post....you've got such an imagination! lol

  14. Your risk of blowing away is very low.

    Good morning William Perry.

    Who's the heaviest of them all?

  15. Another great post. Good News, You're still beating anorexia. That made me laugh out loud. Just awesome.

  16. “For God’s sake–will you please put on some underwear?”


    I almost spit water all over my keyboard. :P

  17. OMG! I loved this post! I have a scale that is on 24/7 PMS mode...i can't make her happy at all!! Been reading your Blog most of this evening...so glad i found it. Started 2010 with a goal to not only loose the extra 20lbs i gained in 2009, but to also record training for a 1/2 marathon with my hubby and good friend. We all need the exercise and lifestyle change and all 3 of us have experienced many of the topics you've blogged about. Thank you for being so candid and honest about your journey ;)

  18. “On the moon, you’d only weigh 43 pounds.” Absolutely hilarious! Wouldn't it be great to have a scale that converted your weight to "moon weight"? God, I would so buy that!

    I just discovered your blog and was instantly hooked. I spent a good hour last night, reading past posts and telling my kids to leave me alone, I was having some quality time with my new friend Jack! Lol!

    Seriously, thank you for writing this blog. I have over 100 pounds to lose and just knowing I'm not alone makes all the difference in the world. I looked through all the W.I.D.T.H pictures and tears streamed down my face. I know the pain of being fat and I understood each one of those reasons for wanting to make a change.

    Thanks for the inspiration Jack!

  19. Another post that made me smile. And to those who have talking scales 'rather you than me'...

  20. I really like what you guys tend to be up too. This
    sort of clever work and coverage! Keep up the amazing works
    guys I've included you guys to blogroll.

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