Thursday, September 29, 2011

More Tips for Healthy Grocery Shopping

• Build strong arm muscles by carrying grocery cart around the store.

• The only way to tell if a cantaloupe is ripe is to thump the produce guy and say “Hey, is this cantaloupe ripe, Produce Guy?”

• Aisle sprints. GO!

• Stretch your arm muscles by reaching for several cans of pork-n-beans on the very top shelf for that nice little old lady, even if nice little old lady insists that she doesn’t want ‘em.

• Tape coupons to bricks to give yourself more of a workout.

• Some stores give out free samples of exotic cheeses. These samples are completely devoid of calories and fat, or so I’ve led myself to believe for some dumbass reason.

• Lead the guys in the lobster tank to a rousing Zumba session!

• Don’t buy products with high-fructose corn syrup and – for God’s sake – don’t even think about buying products with low-fructose corn syrup!

• Buy whole wheat bread, whole wheat pasta and… yeah, yeah… go ahead and buy whole wheat everything! Yes, that includes a whole-wheat copy of Cosmo!


  1. Another funny installment to a list of many....keep em coming!

  2. Aisle Sprints!!! I'm so doing that with the Teens on the next grocery store trip.

  3. I want to go grocery shopping with you! Sounds like you have a lot more fun than I do =)

  4. I tried this, but have now been banned from both grocery stores in town. What do I do now?

  5. LMAO, my next grocery shopping trip shall be filled with coupon bricks and exotic cheese.

  6. hahaa funny post. Just wanna say we enjoy your site as we were once very, very large as well. We've slimmed down a little but are still big dudess. check out our site tho, its funny stuff you'll def laugh at! This post is "Why Eating Healthy is Overrated"



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