Monday, July 2, 2012

Rise and Re-Shine: More Healthy Morning Strategies

• Fried eggs are healthier if you don't fry them.

• To get more sleep, try going to bed the night before.

• Organization is the key to a stress-free morning, so go alphabetize your spice rack RIGHT THIS VERY SECOND.

• Main benefit to early morning workout is that it's fairly easy to convince yourself you're just having a bad nightmare.

• You can make your own goose down pillow by filling a pillowcase with goose down, dumbass.

• Read a motivational quotation every morning (here, I'll give you one for today: "Every minute brings you that much closer to death"... well, hopefully you can find a better one than that on your own).

• Take a baby aspirin each morning to significantly reduce your risk of a heart attack. I'll tell you what, go ahead and take a teenage aspirin, an adult aspirin and a little old lady aspirin, too. You just can't be too careful with all that heart attack business.

• There's no better way to rid yourself of morning breath than a couple of squirts of Fabreze Hawaiian Aloha fabric refresher.

• Instead of a depressing newspaper, let's start the morning by reading one of our favorite blogs *hint hint*.

Call me Puddin Tame, hopped on the scale and weighed just the same.


  1. number two.
    number two.

    1. Right.... I can't overestimate the importance of "number two" in the morning.

  2. Who is Jack shit . Is this a redneak site. Quote is . I am bilingual I speak red neak and English. Well I try? Well I can not spell it shit I am leaving!

    1. People with no sense of humor are fantastically amusing! Great post, as usual!

  3. teenage aspirin? call me when you've developed a teenage spray repellant.

  4. Just found your blog via LOVE it!! Thanks for the laugh and best of luck on your weightloss endeavors!

  5. "Main benefit to early morning workout is that it's fairly easy to convince yourself you're just having a bad nightmare."

    Hah! I'll remember this when I wake up at 4:30 tomorrow to head to spinning for 5:15...

  6. nice posting.. thanks for sharing.

  7. I'm ahead of you: I ALREADY have my spice rack alphabetized!



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