Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Haribo Gummi Bear Review and Giveaway

So this nice person representing Haribo contacts me and offers to send me some free gummi bears to sample and blog about, including a bunch of coupons to pass on to a few lucky readers. Goodie goodie gumdrop!

"What up, my gummi from anotha mummy?"

"Just chillaxing and gettin' ready for our big appearance on a world-famous health-and-fitness blog."

"Really? I thought we were to set to go on that Jack Sh*t site."

 "Whatever! Anyway, we're thinking about trying out our new Care Bear routine. Remember that old show?"

"Gummi Bear Countdown, 4, 3, 2, 1
Who's that comin' from over in that bag?
Makin' snacktime fun instead of a drag
Just when you think that hunger's gonna pounce.
Only eight calories apiece, according to reliable counts.
Do the Gummi Bear Countdown
We'll send some free ones, I'm happy to announce..."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. What's going on here?"

"Oh, look who it is. The guys that THINK they're candy but aren't..."

"Shut up, gumass. This is a weight loss and healthy living site. What are you doing HERE?"

"Look, we're a reasonably healthy snack food. As our PR person would tell you, even the best fitness regimen should allow for small rewards. However, it’s important to make sure your sweets are 'sweat-approved' so you aren’t stunting your progress."

"You can have 11 Haribo Gold-Bears, the original tasty, fruity, chewy gummi bears, for only 75 calories, giving you enough sweet to satisfy plus energy to burn! In moderation, they can be a nice treat in an overall healthy diet."

"Hey, that does sound healthy!"

"Let's just take a look-see at your ingredients list..."

"Hey, this is OUR blog post! Jack got us for FREE!"

"So you're only 8 calories apiece, huh? How many calories for just half?"


"Ayyyyyyy! Run away!!!!!!"

"Ummmmm... this isn't how this was supposed to go..."

I guess you can eat some gummi bears if you want to...
I mean... nobody's stopping you...
But I just don't know how I feel about giving out a bunch of coupons for free ones...

Anyway... thanks, Haribo...

..but no thanks.

Ooooooooo... I never made coupon smoothie before. How many calories in that?

Since I promised a giveaway, I'll send one lucky commenter a free bottle of Lil' Critters Gummy Vites. There are some rules, but you're going to have to guess what they are...

Disclaimer: Haribo did not pay me for this review.

I lost almost a gummi bear's worth!


  1. I got the same email and had a similar reaction -- "In what world would I give some *artificial* candy shit away on my health & wellness blog?"

    I'm glad you did the post the way you did. You're my hero!

  2. Jack, you win Wednesday. Hilarious post!

  3. Clever, my man, clever! Those little bears are cute, but inside they are punk ass sugar traps!

  4. I did not get that email. I did however get one to review Hungerstrike. It strikes hunger.

  5. OMG - soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooofunny! You should have your own show! :-)

  6. Hilarious! Loved it. Did you make something with your paper pulp? You could sculpt a gummi bear and send it back to Haribo :)

  7. I want you to know that in some alternate universe Gummi Bears are health food.

  8. Jack…your creativity, humor and real reaction makes me laugh and see thru the Sh*t! Have a wonderful week and enjoy your gummi-vites (I have a friend who swears by them)

  9. I have to commend you for not bowing to corporate bullsh*t. Thank you.

    1. I so agree. Sometimes I think you blog writers are just prostitutes! I saw that fit blogging was sponsored by the beef council! They are the worst! Pure evil on so many levels. I mean really, who thought of that sell out??/ Way to go Jack for having balls. I loved it!

  10. Gummy from another mummy! OMG!!! Bwahahahahahaha!!!!

  11. And here I was all excited about Gummy Bears. (You're right...not healthy...grrrrr)

  12. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAA...FANTASTIC job. I just turned them down.

  13. BAHAHAHAHAHA! Now THAT is how it's done. Silly me, I just deleted the email.

  14. LMAO!

    Way to stick it to the sugar peddlers! Just for that, I am going to go scarf down some healthy, delicious watermelon to protest their nasty sugar bomb.

  15. LOL I didn't know gummi bears could be so expressive. :-)

    Those bears reminded me of the days when I used to work in a big corp's storeroom and they had boatlods of dried-up gummi bears. I love eating them (and I was plump too).

  16. OMG LOL literally
    that was hysterical on so many levels!

  17. Great post. A friend has brought these over a couple of times and they are horrible! Hard and rubbery. I have no objection to spending some calorie allowance on treats, but I make sure they are nice treats, worth the cost.

  18. Colorful cute high fructose corn syrup insulin spike? NO THANKS! WTG J!

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  20. That was hilarious, Jack! Thank you for my daily laugh, courtesy of your blog! Helps me take myself less seriously and, thus, my weight management too! By the way, ever put a gummi bear in a glass of water overnight? Swells to enormous proportions. Kinda gross, but interesting.

  21. Just cried laughing reading this, my co-workers think I'm crazier than usual now! Thanks!! Great post :o)

  22. So. Super. Awesome. My wife always nags me for making my food talk to each other, but this takes the cake! I love the coupon smoothie!

  23. Oh nooooeees!

    Poor Haribo =( I think you can eat candy in moderations and still become fit - I mean, it's just more calories to be counted into your diet :) !

  24. I love this!! "gumass" love love it! Too freaking funny you are. Thanks for putting a smile on my face.

  25. I love, love Haribo Gummy Bears, so I'll admit I was a little choked up to see the coupon smoothie. But you've got integrity (more than I have). And you're funny. :) Thank you for this vitamin-fueled giveaway.

  26. Hilarious! I also appreciate the nutritional comparison you did with the gummis and the fruit (which are better tasting and better for you!). :)

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