Things That'll Get You Kicked Out of Whole Foods

• Putting 25 pounds of pistachios through the coffee grinder

• Continually trying to do that trick that cartoon monkeys do where you squirt a banana out of its skin and up into the air, then catch it in your mouth and eat it in a single gulp

• Getting black lentils from the bulk bin but writing down the code for brown lentils on the tag

• Squirting the tester patchouli lotion down your pants

• Jugging exotic cheeses

• Loudly asking produce guy difference between "organic" and "whoreganic" vegetables

• Attempting to pay for your groceries with coupons for free hugs

• Insisting that your groceries be sacked in bag you made yourself from collection of stripper thongs

• Demanding that you need to be led around store by your seeing-eye wolverine

• Standing in two grocery carts, one foot in each, and trying to skate around store

• Screaming at store manager that you demand to get a 40% blogger discount

THE DAILY SCALEY

Hmmmm... you better have a good reason this, fella!