Initiations for my Weight Loss Gang

• At least one drive-through shooting (that's where you drive by a drive through and shoot on past)

• 

Slap lady at the grocery store who's handing out Cheese Whiz samples

• 

Get tattoo that reads “Kalorie Killa”



• Split the veggie fajitas when we go to a Mexican restaurant



• In case of emergency, always carry a 9 mm beef jerky strip



• Go to an all-you-can-eat buffet and eat one cherry tomato



• Hang out at the corner drinking from 40-ounce water bottles



• Wear matching sweatbands at spin class



• Hook everybody up with guy that sells dime bag of multivitamins



• Pour out one wheatgrass shot for our unhealthy homies



• Greet everyone at yoga class with “Namaste, bitches.”

THE DAILY SCALEY

As Neil Armstrong said when he first set foot on the moon, "Man, I am super-light today!"