I'm Sorry, Bob Dylan

And I'm sorry, Nancy Griffith, that I couldn't find a Bob Dylan video.

Oh I’m failin’ away, I’m sorry to say.
I gazed in the mirror this morning,
Saw that my pants ripped when I bent over today.
I should take that as a warning.

No, there’s nothin’ good about the way my ass looks.
There’s nothin’ good about where this is headin’.
It’s time to gear up and make a stand
To stop this mess from spreadin’

Oh, the junk in my trunk is too large, I suppose,
About as big as an arena.
It’s time to stop the madness and turn it around,
And try to make my butt more lean-a.

Oh, but if I had that new iPhone 4,
That one that’s causin’ all the commotion.
I'd turn it back in to have one sweet ass,
For that's all I'm wishin' to be ownin'.

Oh, I’ve been too big for a long, long time,
An enormous rear end I’m amassin’.
There must be something I can do to lose a little weight
And to find some slacks to fit my big ass in.

Oh, how did I ever let my behind get so large
As big as Mount Kilimanjaro?
Perhaps it’s because I never did something today
That I could put off ‘til tomorrow.

I got all better one lonesome day,
When I got straight in my noggin.
I’m gonna get this gluteus maximus back into shape
Read about it as I'm bloggin’.

So, if you, my friend, have lived like I did,
I'm certain your ass is a growin’.
But I’m sure you can turn it around like me,
Now that you know just what you're knowin’.

So take heed, take heed of just what you consume.
Get into the gym now and hustle.
And soon, we’ll all have what we’ve always longed to have,
Leanish butts of leanish muscle.