I Just Have Three Questions For You...

Do you like wee little children?

Do you like songs? 

Do you like me luring you to this site and then sending you off to see a guest post I wrote for my buddy DubyaWife?

Oh well, two out of three ain't bad..

Yes, Even More Weight Loss Songs for the Wee Little Children

Buff and Fit Gals
Buff and fit gals, did you work out tonight? 

Work out tonight, work out tonight. 

Buff and fit gals, did you work out tonight?
Or watch TV by the light of the moon?

Blog the Man Down
Oh, blog the man down, pallies, blog the man down.
Weigh aye… blog the man down.
Oh, writin’ his journey to right what he weigh.
Give him some time he will blog the man down!

The Pants Go Inching Down
The pants go inching down one size, hurrah, hurrah
!
The pants go inching down one size, hurrah, hurrah!
The pants go inching down one size,
I’m glad I gave up those French fries.

I love how it feels when the pants go inching down.

Oh, He Was a Jolly Fat Fellow
Oh, he was a jolly fat fellow,
He was a jolly fat fellow,

He was a jolly fat fellow, 

Which nob’dy could deny.
Which nob’dy could deny.
I doubt anyone would try.
Now he is an awfully fit fellow,

He is an awfully fit fellow,

He is an awfully fit fellow…
I’d much rather be like this guy!

THE DAILY SCALEY

Ease on down, ease on down the scale...

Weight Loss Songs for The Wee Little Children

I'm a Little Crackpot
I'm a not-so-little crackpot
Tall and stout
.
"Jack" is my handle
.
I liked to pig out.

Then I got all steamed up.
Hear me shout
...
“Healthy person locked inside
...
Please come out!”

Skip to My Looney

Poo, Poo, Snack Jackie Poo
Poo, Poo, Snack Jackie Poo
Poo, Poo, Snack Jackie Poo
Snack Jackie Poo, I'm starvin'!


Quit eatin’ Butterfingers,

Shoo, Jack, shoo!
Quit eatin’ Butterfingers.

Shoo, Jack, shoo!
Quit eatin’ Butterfingers.

Milky Ways, too!
Jack Jackie Poo, I'm watchin'.


Poo, Poo, Sad Jackie Poo

Poo, Poo, Sad Jackie Poo

Poo, Poo, Sad Jackie Poo

Jack Jackie Poo, quit sobbin'!


Lost my mojo, what'll I do?
Lost my mojo, what'll I do?
Lost my mojo, you did too?

Jack Jackie Poo, I'm fallin'!

Poo, Poo, Jog Jackie Poo

Poo, Poo, Jog Jackie Poo

Poo, Poo, Jog Jackie Poo

Jack Jackie Poo, we're chargin'!

I’m gonna do this, you are, too.

I’m gonna do this, you are, too.

I’m gonna do this, you are, too.
Jack Jackie Poo, my darlin'!

Old Jack Sh*tter

Old Jack Sh*tter was a fat ol’ man
.
He ate hash browns from the frying pan.
He wore blue jeans that were way too tight
,
And he never could stick to his diet.

Life’s not good for old Jack Sh*tter
.
He just ate an apple fritter.

Fritter’s gone, makes him go nuts
.
He just left to get more donuts.

Old Jack Sh*tter went to town
.
Stopped at every buffet around.
Ate like it was some kind of sickness
.
Put three restaurants out of business.

Get out the way for ol’ Jack Sh*tter
.
Obesity has made him bitter.
Bitter now, but better he’ll be
,
When he quits being so B-I-G.

Jack finally started to fly straight.
Begun doing something ‘bout his weight
.
Got a fire–not food–in his belly
.
Excercising and eating healthy.

Get out the way for new Jack Sh*tter.
Providing health tips there on Twitter.
Twitter, sure, and he’s got a blog, too
.
He sure hopes you'll get more fit, too.

Even More Weight Loss Songs for Kids

Yankee Doodle Fatty

Jackie Doodie went to town,
Sad about his bigness.
Decided to visit a buffet,
And put it out of business.
 


Jackie Doodie, keep it up.
Jackie Doodie, fatty.
Keep on chowing down like that,
And life will end quite badly.

Jackie Doodie went on a diet,
Cut back on snacks and candy.
Lost a bunch of weight, by God,
And now he’s feelin’ dandy.

Jackie Doodie, keep it up.
Jack Doodie, healthy.
Keep on eating like you should
And your future’ll be more carefree.

Jackie Doodie went to the gym,
And ran upon the treadmill,
That’ll do more for your bod
That being overfed will.

Jackie Doodie, keep it up.
Jack Doodie, sweaty.
Running isn’t quite so tough
Without that big ol’ belly.

It's A Not-So-Small World

It’s a world of fashion, a world of play.
It’s a world of fun, it’s a world not-so-gray.

There’s so much we can do,
When we’re not the size of two.

We’re getting smaller, after all

.

We’re getting smaller, after all.
We’re getting smaller, after all.
We’re getting smaller after.
It’s a tall, tall task.

There is just one life and one golden chance.
To get ourselves more fit and wear skinnier pants.
It’s time for us to decide
We don’t wanna be so wide.
In this small, small world.

Frère Jack Sh*t

Are you snacking, are you snacking?

Blogger Jack, Blogger Jack?
Weigh-in day is coming,
Weigh-in day is coming.
Damn damn damn, damn damn damn.

Jack Sh*t Jukebox 2

Welcome to "Same Old Sh*t" Saturday, where I bring back some archived posts and call them "golden oldies". As I noted the first time I collected a bunch of my reworked songs, there's probably a good drinking game or karaoke throwdown that can be made out of all this...

Why can't we be thin?
Why can't we be thin?
Why can't we be thin?
Why can't we be thin?

I’ve been round for a long, long time.
Eating too much too often was my crime.
Read the rest here.

Oh, I've got friends with low weigh-ins
Bringing their numbers down,
And trying to chase those pounds away.
And we’ll all be okay.
I'm not big like when I was buffeting.
Think I'll go do some basketball playing.
Oh, I've got friends with low weigh-ins.
Read the rest here.

She’s into margaritas, black beans and burritos.
If she eats much more salsa, she won’t fit into her clothes.
She’s into combinations, nuevo dishes to delight.
She’s got a Mex addiction; she could eat it every night.
She'll make you order cheese dip (an extra large one should suffice),
She'll make you feed her crazy indulgence; it’s her most awful vice.
Corona with a big lime slice. Chow down!
Read the rest here.

I weighed this afternoon.
The number didn’t start with two.
One thing I've left to do,
Weigh-in on my
Weigh-in to you.
Read the rest here.

You’ve got a big butt and I cannot lie,
You prolly should go on a diet.
Cause if you wanna get an itty bitty waist.
Stop stuffin’ stuff in your face.
You get hungry, want food in ya tummy,
But you notice that yo body looks crummy.
You standing at that mirror swearing.
Don’t fit in them jeans you’re wearing.
Oh baby, just admit
You wanna get fit.
Read the rest here.

Right now she’s probably slow cooking another crockpot casserole,
And she's got it real salty.
Right now, she's probably drinking her some fruity little drink cause her brain’s thinkin’ faulty.
Right now, she’s probably pulling up to the drive-thru, asking for an upsized combo...
Cuz she don't know...
Read the rest here.

A long, long time ago,
I can still remember
How my obesity made me cry.
And I knew if I had my chance,
That I could fit into my pants.
And maybe I’d be a happy weight-loss guy.
But February gave me cravings,
So much I chewed on the pet’s wood shavings.
Bad news on the damn scale,
I couldn't take that ham smell.
I didn’t know how I’d survive,
But I knew I needed extra drive.
I knew my health I must revive,
The day I came alive
Read the rest here.

So I screw my will up
It’s time to get strong
The hunger pains go away
Can I do this thing? Oh yeah'
Will I exercise? Oh 'Yeah'
I got my hands up
I’m looking for a loss
I’m heading to Healthy Town
Yeah
It's a party in the ol' WW.
Yeah
It's a party in the ol' WW.
Read the rest here.

This is the blog about our weight.
This is the story of our fate.
This is the first day of a journey,
Lord, I hope it's not too late.
This is the trek that’s never done.
This is a hot dog without the bun.
This is the person standing on the scale,
Praying to lose a ton.
Pictures before, pictures right now.
Put up on the blog for the world to say “wow.”
Read the rest here.

Whatever you do, just keep till the morning
Haven’t you had enough to eat now, Jack?
Midnight snack.
Remember your supper was real healthy stuff.
Haven't you had enough?
And I think you can make it,
Seven more hours, if you try.
Don’t do it like all the old times.
Read the rest here.

Hey, hey, hey…
I follow Katie J, she blogs over at Katie J is On Her Way.
There’s LAF at Walk in Loveliness and Enz at Downward Trenz… they blow my mind.
Their weight-loss treks, the way they’re gettin’ rid of their turkey necks, you see.
I know just what they swallow, they’re the ones I choose to follow, who’re some of my friends.
Hey scale sisters, you know Mr. Sh*tter–he keeps prayin’, for your weigh-in, the way it goes ain’t fair, you know!
Hey scale sisters, I don't want to miss a single day you weigh... okay?
Read the rest here.

They see me bloggin’.
Commentin’.
People they clickin’ to catch me writin’ diet-y.
Wanna catch me writin’ diet-y.
Wanna catch me writin’ diet-y.
Wanna catch me writin’ diet-y.
Wanna catch me writin’ diet-y.
I’m eatin’ so good.
I'm losin’.
Losin’ so much, it’s got me writin’ diet-y.
Look at me–I’m writin’ diet-y.
Look at me–I’m writin’ diet-y.
Read the rest here.

Jack Sh*t Jukebox

Little something different for "Same Old Sh*t" Saturday. I thought I'd collect all the song parodies I'd done into one spot in case you're a glutton for punishment (as well as a regular glutton). As soon as I learn to sing and play a musical instrument, I'm sure a CD will be in the works. In the meantime, there's probably some kind of "Name That Tune" drinking game that can be played with this...

Dieter-Man, Dieter-Man
Eats whatever’s on his dieter plan.
Prepares a meal, real low-cal.
He is really losing it, pal.
Cook Out!
Here comes the Dieter-Man.
Read the rest.

There’s nothing you can write that hasn’t been written.
There’s nothing you can eat that hasn’t been eaten.
Nothing new to say but you can learn how to post and play.
It's easy.
Read the rest.

Goodbye Normal Jeans,
Though I hardly knew you at all,
You had the grace to hold your fit
Even when you got too small.
Read the rest.

Sometimes it's hard to be at weigh-in.
Giving all you can to lose some weight.
You'll have bad times,
And you’ll have worse times,
Eatin’ things you know you shouldn’t have ate.
Read the rest.

I smell that bread a bakin’.
It’s cooling on the rack.
And I ain’t had carbohydrates since... oh, six months back.
I'm stuck on this low-carb diet, and time keeps draggin' by.
And I’d sell my soul on eBay… for a slice of apple pie.
Read the rest.

Here’s a little blog I penned,
You might want to read it well, my friend.
Don’t worry, eat healthy.
Read the rest.

Hit the weights, Jack, and don't you talk back–
do more, do more, do more, do more.
Hit the weights, Jack, and don't you talk back– do more.
Read the rest.

Less I weigh.
Now health troubles seem so far away.
I like exercise more than I do the buffet.
The better I do, the less I weigh.
Read the rest.

I was daydreamin' when I wrote this.
Forgive me if I blunder, man.
But when I woke up this mornin'
Coulda sworn I was in Onederland.
Read the rest.

My waist was too fat,
No one could save me but me.
Strange that I let myself go on an overeating spree.
I never dreamed that I'd weigh as much as I do,
And I never dreamed that I'd gain a pound or two.
Read the rest.

I feel swelled! Not so great!
Gonna start putting less on my plate!
Starting here, starting now,
Honey, everything's coming up losses!
Read the rest.

To all the fatties in the place with double-chins on their face,
Allow me to bust up this quiet with a little riot ‘bout my diet.
Who rocks grooves and makes moves ‘bout weight-loss issues?
The back of the club, sippin Fuze, I’m back here hollerin’.
The back of the blog, makin posts, my crew's all followin’.
Mad question askin’, advice passin’, big-ass sassin’.
But I just can't quit
Because no matter what I’m sayin’, Jackie gots another weigh-in
Read the rest.

It's a nice day to start again.
It's a nice day for a “wow” weigh-in.
It's a nice day to lose again.
Read the rest.

Hi kids! Do you like parodies?
Wanna see me take weight loss and Eminem and marry these?
Wanna copy me and do exactly like I did?
Get rid of yo fatted-up ass? Stick with me, kid.
Read the rest.

We'll be bloggin’.
While we're losing.
We'll be bloggin’.
I gain a pound.
I get it down again.
I’m never gonna let it get back up.
Read the rest.

If you wanna be more fit
Live life all the way and don't wanna waste it.
Watchin’ what you eat
Can be so very sweet, you gotta taste it (mm- hm)
Read the rest.

I was piddling in the kitchen early one morn,
When from my blender, a new concoction was born.
I mixed spinach and fruit, from my supplies,
And suddenly to my surprise…
I made a smoothie.
I made a Green Monster smoothie.
Read the rest.

With so much drama in the b-l-o-g,

It's kinda hard bein’ Jack S-h-*-t.
But I, somehow, some way

Keep comin’ up with funky diet tips like every single day.
May I kick a little something for the ol’ fat Ts,
And, make a few jokes as I breeze through.
Two in the mornin’ and my blog’s unwritten
'Cause my three kids ain’t home,
Me and Anita in the living room gettin’ it on.
Don’t gotta be at work ‘til eight in the mornin’.
Read the rest.

Hey what did you do,
Ordering burger and fries?
Getting some fast food,
Enjoying some fried pies.
Laughing and a eating, hey, hey
Stuffing and a chompin’.
In a misty lunchtime fog with
Your gut hangin’ down on you,
My big-assed friend,
You my big-assed friend.
Read the rest.

Nibblin’ on fried pies.
Watchin’ old CSI’s.
Eating some nachos covered with oil.
Bad diet, yeah sure.
Just checked my blood pressure.
Looks like my arteries are beginnin’ to boil.
Read the rest.

Everybody was gung-ho dieting.
Those cats are doing some lightening.
In fact it’s just a little bit frightening,
How much their tummies are tightening.
Read the rest.

When I got on the scale,
I was petrified.
Kept thinking I would go through my life
Being extra wide.
After spending so many nights
Eating so incredibly wrong,
I grew strong.
I knew I wasn’t too far gone.
Read the rest.

I’m at the grocery store; my brain says, “Put it back.”
No bags of corn chips, yes, I want to put them back.
I walk down the aisles dressed in my slimmer clothes.
I smile contently cuz I know how this thing goes.
Read the rest.

Who’s the tall snarky d*ck
That's a weight loss machine with all the tricks?
(Sh*t!)
You’re damn fat.
Read the rest.

Jackie the Sh*t-man
Would eat whatever he could grab,
Had a big rear end and a double chin
And two sides made out of flab.
Read the rest.

x