Friday, October 16, 2009

I’m Sorry, Eminem

video

Hi! My name is.. (what?) My name is.. (who?)
My name is.. [chicachica] Slim Sh*tty.
Hi! My name is.. (huh?) My name is.. (what?)
My name is.. [chicachica] Slim Sh*tty.

Ahem.. excuse me!
Can you please put down that bagel for one second?

Hi kids! Do you like parodies?
Wanna see me take weight loss and Eminem and marry these?
Wanna copy me and do exactly like I did?
Get rid of yo fatted-up ass? Stick with me, kid.
You can drop this weight, get your life and head straight,
But you gotta figure out how to spice up this fat life you hate.
And Dr. Geoff said, “Slim Sh*tty you just aced it.”
Uh-uhhh! “You made it happen, man. You didn’t waste it!”

Well, since this spring, I've felt like I'm someone else.
No longer my original self, the big-ass with the too-small belt.
Finally got pissed off enough to work my man-tits off.
Put on my swim clothes and stroked it like Hasselhoff.
I eat a half-pound of wheat grass and work my ass.
Do I really want this? Hey, does the Pope pass gas?

C'mere, chub! (Sh*tty, wait a minute, that's mean, dawg!)
I don't give a f*ck, God wants me to get this weight off!

Hi! My name is.. (what?) My name is.. (who?)
My name is.. [chicachica] Slim Sh*tty
Hi! My name is.. (huh?) My name is.. (what?)
My name is.. [chicachica] Slim Sh*tty
Hi! My name is.. (what?) My name is.. (who?)
My name is.. [chicachica] Slim Sh*tty
Hi! My name is.. (huh?) My name is.. (what?)
My name is.. [chicachica] Slim Sh*tty

You tell me I’m done, but you just don’t understand.
Me? I’m planning my Spring Break trip to Onederland.
Yeah, I still wanna lose the most, sir. Clothes get a lil looser
Before I get off this weight-loss roller coaster (Wheeeeeeeee!)
Walk into Eddie Bauer, try on pants for half an hour,
Show my wife Anita all my new clothes and wow her.
It’s unbelievable, virtually inconceivable.
If I can do this, I tell ya, anything’s achievable.
Ninety-nine percent of my life I was too wide, too.
But now nobody wants good health more than I do.

Now my goal’s to be a fit and famous blogger.
Maybe even run a 5K one day…yeah, I’ll be a jogger.
And this blog’ll blow up and attract even more followers,
And we’ll try to turn around a few more donut swallowers.
So I’ll keep bringin’ it, keep trying to raise the roof, ya’ll
You do your part and support your favorite fitness goofball.

Hi! My name is.. (what?) My name is.. (who?)
My name is.. [chicachica] Slim Sh*tty
Hi! My name is.. (huh?) My name is.. (what?)
My name is.. [chicachica] Slim Sh*tty.
Hi! My name is.. (what?) My name is.. (who?)
My name is.. [chicachica] Slim Sh*tty.
Hi! My name is.. (huh?) My name is.. (what?)
My name is.. [chicachica] Slim Sh*tty.

Stop the tape! Fat kid needs the snacks locked away!
Dr. Geoff, don't just email me, COOPERATE!
Not ready to start yet, is it too scary to diet?
Haven’t got much to say, but I’m too noisy to stay quiet.
Give folks advice? Hell, yeah–I’ll try it.
Feel like you're flounderin’, seem like you’re strayin’?
No clue at all on your next weigh-in?
It’s time to get serious, if you know what I’m sayin’
I’m screamin’ at you like Glenn Beck at Obama.
You don’t like me yellin’ but somebody’s gotta stop the drama.
I may use laughter, too, but I’m gonna stay after you.
We’re gonna get you fit. And if you think I’m gonna quit,
YOU DON’T KNOW JACK SH*T!
I lay awake and write blog posts in my head,
Hoping you get something outta the words I’ve said.
I'm steaming mad (Arrrggghhh!)
And by the way, when you see my dad, Horace?
Tell him I’m the one that backed into his Ford Taurus.

Hi! My name is.. (what?) My name is.. (who?)
My name is.. [chicachica] Slim Sh*tty
Hi! My name is.. (huh?) My name is.. (what?)
My name is.. [chicachica] Slim Sh*tty.
Hi! My name is.. (what?) My name is.. (who?)
My name is.. [chicachica] Slim Sh*tty.

x

35 comments:

  1. You seriously AMAZE me! Thank you for taking time to post things like this :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. And the hits just keep on comin'! Love it!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Yo dawg, it is just hard to know what to say. Except that sh*t is funny...Know wha I say-in?

    ReplyDelete
  4. I like a little Eminem but I think your version is better!

    ReplyDelete
  5. OMG! What a way to start the day, thanks Jack!

    ReplyDelete
  6. I will not stop laughing all day, because I will be remembering the line "stroke it like Hasselhoff"

    ReplyDelete
  7. SO GOOD JACK!!!! You are too clever! Thanks for posting this it made me laugh!

    ReplyDelete
  8. You are my favorite fitness goofball!!! I hope you save the world.

    Go Jack, Go Jack, Go Jack!!!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Dangit, I just spit some Diet Coke into my keyboard.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Don't apologize to Eminem - this was great!

    ReplyDelete
  11. i think this is my new favorite

    ReplyDelete
  12. Pass the M and Ms! Not.

    Love it.

    ReplyDelete
  13. You crack me up!

    Brilliant - keep up the good work!

    x

    ReplyDelete
  14. Your best so far! Fantastic work :-D

    ReplyDelete
  15. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! "I'm screamin' at you like Glenn Beck at Obama." *snicker*

    BEST. LINE. EVAR!!!

    Thanks for your comment yesterday. Yes, I think you're right that losing weight and getting healthy helps you to deal with stuff better.

    ReplyDelete
  16. I think you might be contacted by your car ins. co. after that one. At least Horace now knows who banged his car up!

    :) Way to rock the mic Jack!

    ReplyDelete
  17. DUDE! You are seriously SO talented! And Em is my dawwwwwwwwg, you feel me? Thanks for this. It totally rocks, er, I mean raps!

    ReplyDelete
  18. I don't give a f*ck, God wants me to get this weight off!

    Amen.

    Biting Eminem for this post probably isn't that bad, afterall, he put out that huge song "Lose Yourself", and I'm trying to lose about %70 of myself. So, you know, I think he's down for the cause.

    Anyway, you killed it as always.

    You're a versatile cat Jack.

    ReplyDelete
  19. "Stroke it like Hasselhoff." You've got mad lyrical skills.

    ReplyDelete
  20. "And by the way, when you see my dad, Horace?
    Tell him I’m the one that backed into his Ford Taurus."

    Inspiring and confessional at the same time. So, I guess some men CAN do more than one thing at a time!

    ReplyDelete
  21. I can't stop smiling, great as always Jack! You can always make my day.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Eminem is one of my FAVE things to listen to on a run. Now, I'm just going to hear those lyrics instead. THANKS A LOT!!! (hehe)

    ReplyDelete
  23. Crap, I don't know where to start!!! FUNNY! Loved this: Finally got pissed off enough to work my man-tits off. Put on my swim clothes and stroked it like Hasselhoff.

    I always wonder why the guys have to take their shirts off for the weigh in on Biggest Loser & those poor women don't get real & supportive workout bras! As for Hasselhoff, crazy is all I can think of right now!

    Thx for the laugh! AND, didn't you realize that you are already a fit & famous blogger!

    ReplyDelete
  24. It's even better now knowing that all this creativity comes from a guy who looks like a prof.

    Barb

    ReplyDelete
  25. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Hey slim sh*tty....I<3 glenn so loved that line...
    However, I am pretty sure the em isn't old, fat or dead, you may end up having a rap war....slim sh*tty vs. slim shady, it's on dawg. lol.

    ReplyDelete
  27. Ha ha ha! I am follower number 500! I like being special... grin!

    ReplyDelete
  28. LOVE IT!!! I want to have you sing it so we can upload it to our ipods! :)

    ReplyDelete

LinkWithin

Related Posts with Thumbnails