Wednesday, October 7, 2009

An Over-the-Top Challenge

Chris at A Deliberate Life recently singled me out for an “Over the Top” award with the specific challenge that I had to find a way to make the one-word answers to this somewhat pedestrian questionnaire halfway interesting (actually, a few others tagged me with this one as well, but Chris had to go and make a big to-do about it with the big challenge and all). After struggling with it for almost a minute, I decided to handle this the same way my credit card company would: say anything I want and add a sh*tload of asterisks and disclaimers.*

1. Where is your cell phone? off*
2. Your hair? haircut*
3. Your mother? birthday*
4. Your father? four*
5. Your favorite food? sushi*
6. Your dream last night? mazes*
7. Your favorite drink? Macchiato*
8. Your dream/goal? no*
9. What room are you in? spicy*
10. Your hobby? writing*
11. Your fear? kids*
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? fit*
13. Where were you last night? basketball*
14. Something that you aren't? flexible*
15. Muffins? dentist*
16. Wish list item? robots*
17. Where did you grow up? Memphis*
18. Last thing you did? multitasked*
19. What are you wearing? jeans*
20. Your TV? three*
21.Your pets? numerous*
22. Friends? competitive*
23. Your life? busy*
24. Your mood? pretty*
25. Missing someone? robust*
26. Vehicle? Batmobile*
27. Something you’re not wearing? Sinatra*
28. Your favorite store? Costco*
29. Your favorite color? black*
30. When was the last time you laughed? this*
31. Last time you cried? movie*
32. Your best friend? Anita*
33. One place that I go to over and over? gym*
34. One person who emails me regularly? Geoff*
35. Favorite place to eat? home*

1. *Where is your cell phone? It’s probably in my car, turned off. I’m not a big cell phone guy. I looked all over for one that only make outgoing calls–wouldn’t even accept incoming calls. I probably wouldn’t even have one if it wasn’t the tether I use to keep track of my kids. And I’m still not sure I believe my 17-year-old’s explanation that “sexting” stands for “study texting” and that she has to do it for school.
2. *Your hair? Luckily, I think I got my grandfather’s hair. He got a haircut every two weeks until he died (after which, he went down to once a month). I got mine cut last weekend, and the stylist always stops in the middle and kinda makes a face. “Don’t try to make any sense out of it,” I tell her. “Just go for low maintenance and try to make me not look like a psycho hillbilly.”
3. *Your mother? Shirley still gives me a lot of grief because I forgot her birthday a couple of years ago. I didn’t forget to call her. I just forgot that it was her birthday when I called her. She was waiting for the birthday greeting and I was complaining about the kids or work or something. Finally, she realized that I had no idea what day it was. My advice to you? Don’t ever do that.
4. *Your father? Horace doesn’t care if I forget his birthday or not, but I never do because it’s four days after Shirley’s.
5. *Your favorite food? I love Indian and Thai food (not mixed together, stupid), but based on how much of it I eat, I’d probably have to say that sushi tops the ranking right now. There’s nothing quite like riding the Wasabi Express… Woooo wooooooo!
6. *Your dream last night? I seem to dream a lot about mazes, big buildings were I get turned around and can’t find my way. Can’t imagine what that might possibly mean…
7. *Your favorite drink? Before I ditched my coffee habit, my favorite drink was a Starbuck’s Caramel Macchiato, which was basically a cup of coffee with a Milky Way bar melted inside and whipped cream on top. I know, it’s hard to imagine that I was ever obese.
8. *Your dream/goal? I’m pretty adamant that I have no set goal in mind on the weight-loss front. I honestly believe I’ll know it when I see it. But I will say that I’m lighter today than I’ve been in probably 25 years… and I’m still having consistently good losses.
9. *What room are you in? My daughter Pisa and her friend had set up a tent in the backyard and had adorned it with all kinds of decorations. When I poked my head in to look, Pisa said “Welcome to our Spicy Crib.” When we converted an old guest room into a media center with big-screen TV and big comfy chairs, we dubbed it The Spicy Crib and even put a plaque on the door proclaiming it as such. It’s where I do some of my best work.
10. *Your hobby? I have always enjoyed writing, in all kinds of platforms and all kinds of different styles. I like writing dialogue, I like rhyming, I like experimenting with language. I just generally like playing with words. The positive feedback I get on this blog only makes me want to push the boundaries even farther. If I’ve never thanked you for that… well, thank you for that.
11. *Your fear? I think I have every parent’s overriding fear: that something is going to happen to their kids. I once read that they don’t let the Coca-cola executives who know the secret Coke recipe to ride on an airplane together, I don’t particularly like all my daughters riding together in cars (unless I’m driving). Is that morbid?
12. *Where do you want to be in 6 years? I don’t particularly care where I am, but I do hope that I’m still fit and healthy, still happy and productive. That’s all any of us can ask for, isn’t it?
13. *Where were you last night? I was playing basketball, which still has my family on pins and needles because I was lying on the bathroom floor writhing in pain with a pinched nerve in my back a couple of weeks ago.
14. *Something that you aren't? Even when I’ve been at my fittest, I have never been very flexible. During my assessment with the personal trainer, she wrote 2 times 4 under “Flexibility.” I asked what that meant and she replied “It means you’re about as flexible as a two-by-four.”
15. *Muffins? I think my dentist pulled my sweet tooth when I was younger, because I’ve always had a take-‘em-or-leave-‘em attitude toward cakes, ice cream and candy. At my fattest, I ate them, but not as much as the salty crap-foods.
16. *Wish list item? I spent ten years of my life scouring the earth for an original set of Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots. I thought my life would be complete if I ever found them. Then Ebay came along, and I discovered that I could fill my house with Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots if I wanted to. Sometimes the chase is more fun that the aquisition, I think.
17. *Where did you grow up? I was born in Memphis, but when I was young we moved to Memphis. I went to high school in Memphis, but wound up in college in Memphis. I married and raised my family in Memphis, but now we’re in Memphis.
18. *Last thing you did? I multitasked. I’m used to having multiple balls up in the air at one time. I’m uncomfortable unless my world is spinning, apparently.
19. *What are you wearing? I love wearing jeans, and am happy that I can wear ‘em most every day. I have started wearing more fashionable trousers since I’ve dropped the weight. Last time I was this size, I apparently got a little pants-happy for a spell.
20. *Your TV? I finally splurged last year and bought a big-screen TV. It’s great, even though it takes three remotes and an advanced electronics degree to watch a DVD.
21. *Your pets? Since we moved into our current home, my family has had numerous pets, including horses, chickens, dogs, gerbils, cats, a parrot, hamsters, mice, snakes, fishies and a rabbit named Elvis Parsley.
22. *Friends? All my friends that I’ve played basketball with all my life are breaking down physically and are all transitioning to golf. I like golf okay, but only on weekdays during work hours. And I hate playing with them because they’re all so competitive and going “You gotta play the ball where it lies” and “Five feet outside the hole is not a gimme.”
23. *Your life? Hectic as all get out. Things are extremely busy for me, but it’s a whole lotta fun.
24. *Your mood? Feeling pretty bombastic, especially since I have so much more energy after dropping this weight.
25. *Missing someone? I’m missing my old friend Robust E. Conomy. He blew outta town a couple of years ago and I haven’t seen him around these parts in quite some time.
26. *Vehicle? I like my cars like I like my James Bond movies, heavy on the gadgets. If I could get attractive leasing options, I’d drive the Batmobile.
27. *Something you’re not wearing? I’m not wearing a hat, but I sure like the idea of wearing a hat. I see Frank Sinatra wearing a chapeau and it looks so damn cool, but whenever I try one on it just doesn’t work. It looks like I’m trying to hide a big bald spot like every other guy wearing a hat. Either that or a hipster geek (probably with a bald spot).
28. *Your favorite store? I want to say Whole Foods because I really like that place, but I find myself at Costco about once a week, dropping about half a paycheck. I think it’s because they’re always adding new stuff that I tell myself that I can’t live without, such as heated foot massagers or a half gallon of Mediterranean sea salt.
29. *Your favorite color? Black, so black that it couldn't be any blacker even if you spilled ink all over it.
30. *When was the last time you laughed? I laugh at myself all the time. Actually the only thing that makes me laugh more than myself is this (I know, I know... don't give me grief–it just makes me laugh, okay?).
31. *Last time you cried? I took Pisa to see the movie Marley & Me and we both cried like little girls (at least she had the excuse of being a little girl… I had to pretend that my appendix had just burst).
32. *Your best friend? My wife Anita, the only person I know who’s funnier than me. I mean, the only person I know who thinks they’re funnier than me.
33. *One place that I go to over and over? I go to the gym around the corner just about every day. I’ve really got this workout thing down to a great routine now.
34. *One person who emails me regularly? Dr. Geoff, from the Wellsphere Healthblogger Network, loves him some Jack Sh*t, let me tell you. He hits me up regularly, trying to get me to give him my hard-earned work for nothing. He’s a pretty shrewd negotiator; since we began talking, he’s upped his offer from nothing to nada, then from nada to doodley-squat. I’m wavering… I’m wavering.
35. *Favorite place to eat? I had a few restaurants that used to be my favs, but now I truly appreciate eating at home. I get what I want, how much I need and I seldom if ever feel like bloated crap the next morning.

*Note to credit card companies. Just kidding, my friends. Please don’t slash my credit rating.


  1. Oops, I didn't know about the one-answer rule!

    So, when is it you relocate to Memphis then?

  2. Hey! I get emails from that Dr. too. I thought it was just me he liked.

  3. I love this. I got one of these, too, but haven't done it yet because I struggle with the one word thing. You beat me to the asterisk.

  4. Ok, you certainly put me to shame. I can't figure out the cut and paste stuff, so I didn't really answer any of the questions. I also didn't get the one word answer thingy. Now, I'm not even going to try to answer the questions, cuz you've ruined it for me. :(
    That, and I don't wanna.

  5. LOL Elvis Parsley. Appropriate for Memphis for sure. Tennessee is great. I would live there. As far as Robust E. Conomy, He can move in with me as far as I'm long as he comes back.

  6. This comment has been removed by the author.

  7. I enjoyed reading about you. I have to say a few ladies on the youtube video were funny till they all started looking like me. I'm an excellent faller I must admit lol.

  8. Very good jack, however we at the league of extraordinarily plump women find the lack of pig latin disturbing. While you have made the world safe for freedom,democracy, and the American way. I'm afraid we have had to eat the kitten*...

    *(After Mr. Robust E. Conomy left town, life has been a struggle....don't judge)


  9. The one word says a lot but the asterisk says even more! LOVED this! I may have to try this. I am scared! I will say that I am with you with the gym!

  10. Clever as usual - way to get around the one word rule.

  11. My husband has a hat desire, too, but he cannot pull it off. ;)

    Ahh, Dr. Geoff, you told me I was special & now I see you were wooing everyone in the blog-o-sphere.

    Enjoyed your answers, thanks for sharing!

  12. Hey, you're a fellow Tennesseean! I *thought* your accent sounded like home in the interview with Shean. :)

    I love Elvis Parsley. We had rabbits growing up; our last one was Rabbit Redford. :)

  13. What, you've only got three remotes for your tv????

  14. I couldnt stick to the one answer rule! But I love how you did and then offered up an explanation for each! I have been reading your blog forever and didnt realize you were a fellow Tennesseean! I knew there was a reason I liked you! lol Im on the other side of the state in Pigeon Forge/Gatlinburg!

  15. This is hilarious. "Sexting" lol. The old ladies falling video is good. You might enjoy this one, slightly different DH just sent it...

  16. Loved the disclaimers...I watched the YouTube video and my big belly shook like a bowl full o' jelly while I laughed until I cried. :)

  17. Only three remotes to watch a DVD? Will you please turn on your cell phone so my husband can call you? We need help w/the remote situation.

  18. Mmm, caramel macchiatos are wonderful. This was the most interesting Over-the-Top award post to read yet. :D Good job.

  19. I too cried over the video. I saved it for my son to see since there is nothing he likes better than seeing people fall.

    Great list and very clever way of getting around the one word answers...

  20. I'm so happy to know that you truly are a Southerner. . .

    And I love what you say about your wife & girls. . .you've got heart JS.

  21. In in the words of another credit card company this post is PRICELESS!!

  22. I'm not surprised to see your own spin on this. :)

  23. This was a seriously entertaining post..loved it..



Related Posts with Thumbnails