Saturday, October 3, 2009

I’m Sorry, Ethyl Merman

Audio only

I feel swelled! Not so great!
Gonna start putting less on my plate!
Starting here, starting now,
Honey, everything's coming up losses!

Clear the decks! Clear the pass!
Gonna take a few pounds off my ass.
Blow a kiss. Skip a meal.
Honey, everything's coming up losses!

Let’s start grinning. Stand up and cheer!
Scale is spinning! This is just the beginning!
Get on up! Ride the bike!
Learn to find healthy foods that you like!
You'll be swell. You'll be great.
I can tell. You’ll lose weight.
Yes, every goal you’ve set is coming true!
Honey, everything's coming up losses for me and for you!

You can do it, all you need is a hand.
We can do it, Jackie is gonna see to it!
Wake on up! Workout clothes!
We got nothing to hit but new lows!
I can tell, wait and see.
Here’s my blog! Follow me!
And nothing's gonna stop us 'til we're through!
Honey, everything's coming up losses and diet pills!
Everything's coming up sunshine and smaller clothes!
Everything's gonna be lite drinks and low cal snacks!
Everything's coming up losses for me and for you!



  1. Thank you for the morning laugh! That was great!

  2. Great song! I'll be singing it all day :)

  3. You had me at "I feel swelled!"

  4. Great way to start a Saturday morning, thanks for the laugh!

  5. Now there's a successful remake of an old classic!

  6. .

    Starting here, Starting now...I'm eating the whole cow!

    Foolsfitness wonder's that when he becomes a Superhero if you could write his theme song... maybe B-52's? Oh, can you pass this along to the right folk too?


    Dear Sirs,

    Enclosed you will find my Dime and my box top from Captian Eli's Soda Pop.

    Can you please send me my membership card, decoder badge, and The League of Extraordinary Fat Men Ring?

    My Superhero power is "Shade". My rather large girth casts a huge shadow over my enemies... and they will fear the darkness.

    Thank you,


    P.S. I tried getting an Adam West Old Batman outfit at the Superhero shop.... It may take a few more weeks before I can fit into the "plus size" one. Until then can I just fight in my pajamas?



  7. Always a great way to start, continue or finish my day. You are too great, too creative! Can I have some of what is going on in that mind of yours!!!

  8. Ha ha! That made me feel happy. Thanks! Good way to start off a Saturday!

  9. FUCKING BRILLIANT Jack! Loved it. I played the song and then read along in real time, smiling from ear to ear, I even clapped my hands like a giddy schoolgirl. You are a clever, clever boy Jackie. Keep it coming.

  10. I've seen your reactions here and there on mutual blogs we follow and decided to take a look at yours and this was the first I've read: love it!

    I think I might visit you more often.

  11. I must say that this is in my top 3 favorite remakes you have done to date Jack! I love the way you think man!!!

    P.S. Thanks for all your comments Jack. You are a great support to me and many others and it is wonderful to be along for the ride with you!

    Note to Fran: Do not read Jack's post when you are drinking any beverages unless you want to spew it at your monitor :-)

  12. I've said it before and I'll say it again:

    I love you, Jack Sh*t!!!

    Thee Ol' Significant Other actually got a little jealous, I think, of my blog crush.

    He can deal :)

  13. That was a snappy little number!

  14. Thanks for the laugh. This was my first "taste" of your blog, though I see that it's legendary, and on countless blogrolls! I'm glad to have finally gotten here to your blog. Congratulations on your 70+ pound weight loss to date, and I 'spect more's 'a comin'! And now I'm gonna have the Beverly Hillbillies theme in my head all day after reading your profile! Thanks a lot! I'd be honored if you'd stop by my is all happy pix and stuff, but I've been doing some moaning and groaning about bingeing and whining!

  15. Ahahahahahahaha!!! Thank you so much! :)

  16. ah, got my theme song for today!

  17. lol snappy indeed.
    this brought a massive smile to my already smiley face. thanks jack.

  18. I liked it...will stay with me today

  19. Seriously, you need to put all these on a CD. :)

    - Lisa

  20. Would you please release a song book with all your rewrites? I want to sing and learn them ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!1

  21. ethyl merman....are we sure we aren't dating ourselves Jack...and by we I mean you. I thought of this while I was driving the other day screaming along to rebel yell by David bowie....that perhaps I should be grooving to some lady gaga and buying hair dye to cover some of the grey. Maybe I will go out and buy a glenn miller cd and tell people that i "look good for my age". lmao.

  22. I know this is years late, but I have just gotta say, I marvel at your ability to be able to hear a song and re-do it to fit a weightloss theme. Bravo!



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