Tuesday, October 6, 2009

I’m Sorry, Biggie Smalls

video

To all the fatties in the place with double-chins on their face,
Allow me to bust up this quiet with a little riot ‘bout my diet.
Who rocks grooves and makes moves ‘bout weight-loss issues?
The back of the club, sippin Fuze, I’m back here hollerin’.
The back of the blog, makin posts, my crew's all followin’.
Mad question askin’, advice passin’, big-ass sassin’.
But I just can't quit
Because no matter what I’m sayin’, Jackie gots another weigh-in
That’s right, post it on the sidebar–why not?
Put it up there even if I didn’t lose squat.
Now check it, I got more hair than Anti-Jared and as for posts,
Believe me, Sweetie, I write these posts double-speedy.
No need to be greedy, I got no friends at Google AdSense.
But got lots of pals that’re writers, true f*ckin’ dieters.
Jump in a browser and say wowser
Tell your friends to visit Jackie, for a little weird and wacky.

I love it when you call me Big Blogga.
Leave a comment under there, if youse a weight-loss playa.
I love it when you call me Big Blogga.
To the fatties writin’ posties from the East to West coasties.
I love it when you call me Big Blogga.
If you got a donut up in your waist, please don't visit this space.
Cause I see some visitors tonight who shouldn’t be stuffin’ they faces,
May-bee.

Straight up homie, really I'm askin’.
Most of these bloggers think they be amusin’ while they be losin’.
Who they foolin’ with that vow, "I’m really gonna lose it now"?
Soon as they make that pledge, I just know they’re on the edge.
I ask what your weight goals are, "Who you kidding"?
Things to make you think, acts to help you shrink.
We gon' be here for a while, ain’t no reason we can’t smile.
So tell you what I’m gonna do
We can rendezvou after I review a blog or two.
Visit blogs of peeps that I believe in, like Lil’ Stephen.
Read a bit, comment some sh*t, word veri then hit “submit.”
Lunchtime on the way to the deli to fill my belly.
A veggie wrap, fuji apple and extra large diet Snapple.
Masticate for a few, cause in a few, I gon' do
What I got to do: exercise, ain’t that right, Boo? (truuuueee)
Forget the deli, I just go to the gym
and get metaphysical on the elliptical while my PT’s all critical.

I love it when you call me Big Blogga.
Leave a comment under there, if youse a weight-loss playa.
I love it when you call me Big Blogga.
To the fatties writin’ posties from the East to West coasties.
I love it when you call me Big Blogga.
If you got a donut up in your waist, please don't visit this space.
Cause I see some visitors tonight who shouldn’t be stuffin’ they faces,
May-bee.

How ya livin Jackie Sh*tz? In a weight-loss blitz
Writin poemies fo my homies, and it feels stupendous.
Tremendous dream, f*ck the donuts and ice cream (whaat)
Still hitting the weights with exercise extreme.
Smoothie a day, fulla fruit an' Protein Whey.
Recipes and smaller clothes, all a weight-loss blogga knows.
Easy to measure, whatever.
I’ve found buried treasure, the scale providin’ pleasure.
Yeah, living better now, smaller sweater now.
Regular BM's–I'm the man, girlfriend.
Honey check it, (check it)
Tell your friends, to get with my friends
And we can be friends.
Sh*t, we can do this every day.
Aight? Is that aight with you?
Yeah... keep bloggin’.

I love it when you call me Big Blogga.
Leave a comment under there, if youse a weight-loss playa.
I love it when you call me Big Blogga.
To the fatties writin’ posties from the East to West coasties.
I love it when you call me Big Blogga.
If you got a donut up in your waist, please don't visit this space.
Cause I see some visitors tonight who shouldn’t be stuffin’ they faces,
May-bee.


Note: The video above was the cleaned-up version. Here's the uncensored one...


video

39 comments:

  1. WTF man... What did you take today?

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  2. LOVE IT!!!!

    seriously jack, you've got skillz.... =)

    you know, weight loss skillz, PI skillz, rapping skillz...

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  3. Wow...who knew you had such a large musical repertoire? :)

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  4. I think you be a rappa jackie sh*tz lol. I keep wondering what you'd be like at a party lol.

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  5. You da man fo shizzle Jackizzle.

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  6. Nice to know about the regular BMs. ;)

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  7. This was hands down my favorite song. Loved it! :)

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  8. I'm bopping to your lyrics.

    And, well, in repsonse to the comment you left on my post... Well, doesn't everybody experiment in college? Hahahaha!!

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  9. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  10. You said "masticate." *heh heh*

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  11. OMG -- Why don't we get a bunch of us who can sing and play instruments to make a CD of your music? Then we can all listen while exercising.

    Only thing is, we'd have to wear DEPENDS while walking/running as we'd be pissing our pants laughing.

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  12. Hilarious... By far this just made my day.

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  13. I think more amazing than your writing is how you have implemented Sh*t into characters and words.

    Quite Sh*tacular!

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  14. In true David Allan Coe style (and Jack, don't even pretend you don't know who that is, even if you've turned gansta), I feel compelled to tell you that this might be the perfect Hip Hop and Rap song, but then again it CAN'T be the perfect Hip Hop and Rap song because it didn't say anything about Mama, or Drugs, or Hoes, or Prison, or Getting Drunk.

    :P

    Doesn't mean it isn't brilliant, though. :)

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  15. fo sh*zzle ma m*zzle....whad up.
    Thas sum hot sh*t fo sho.
    I'm down wit dat.
    peace out.

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  16. LOL!!!!!!!!!!

    I'm putting my hands in the air, like I'm a true player!

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  17. LOL! This has got to be my favorite parody that you've done yet. Very impressive.

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  18. That was dope!

    Betta watch yo back, Jack. You could get sprayed with an AK any day.

    Holy shit, I could totally be your sidekick rapper.

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  19. You really do have a talent for this you Big Blogga you!

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  20. Removing the donut from up in my waist now...

    Love it, fave song yet!

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  21. You HAD to have burned a lot of calories in brain power coming up with this - it was fabulous!

    (Jogging Auburn's comment was a hoot)

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  22. Twist the name "Biggie Smalls" a bit and you get me : "Biggie-Want-to-be-Smalls."

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  23. Masticate. lol That's going to beat in my head all day now.

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  24. Dannnnng..

    I totally rapped this out, and it works. Even for a white boy like me.

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  25. Ok I lied. I said Folsom Prison Blues by Johnny Cash was my fave...scratch that. This is it!! But after reading Auburn's comment, you totally have to do the one by David Allen Coe!!! I know you're from the South, so don't even act like you don't know who he is. :)

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  26. I luvz me sum Biggie. Thx for throwin' it down gangsta' stylz.

    That hurt MY eyes. Great rhymes and I really do loves me some Biggie.

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  27. Oh MY lord that was hilarious. U got mad $killz yo!

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  28. Excellent as usual.
    Stop by my blog - I have an "Over the Top" blog award for you. Well deserved!

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  29. I LOVE BIGGIE.

    have forever.

    (and Big Pun. That's a sad story huh? I was living in NC near Duke Diet when he came there)

    my Toddlers first song was Big Poppa (her singing I mean...)

    Im a role model for nothing.

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  30. Wow! You are awesome skills. Love the rhymes.

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  31. Jump in your browser and say wowser, made me lose my mind. So funny, and so clever. One of my favorite Biggie Smallz songs. So I was singin' right along, you nailed it!

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  32. HaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHa!

    Big Blogga You'z the sh*zn*t.

    -jafg

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