I’m Sorry, Biggie Smalls

To all the fatties in the place with double-chins on their face,
Allow me to bust up this quiet with a little riot ‘bout my diet.
Who rocks grooves and makes moves ‘bout weight-loss issues?
The back of the club, sippin Fuze, I’m back here hollerin’.
The back of the blog, makin posts, my crew's all followin’.
Mad question askin’, advice passin’, big-ass sassin’.
But I just can't quit
Because no matter what I’m sayin’, Jackie gots another weigh-in
That’s right, post it on the sidebar–why not?
Put it up there even if I didn’t lose squat.
Now check it, I got more hair than Anti-Jared and as for posts,
Believe me, Sweetie, I write these posts double-speedy.
No need to be greedy, I got no friends at Google AdSense.
But got lots of pals that’re writers, true f*ckin’ dieters.
Jump in a browser and say wowser
Tell your friends to visit Jackie, for a little weird and wacky.

I love it when you call me Big Blogga.
Leave a comment under there, if youse a weight-loss playa.
I love it when you call me Big Blogga.
To the fatties writin’ posties from the East to West coasties.
I love it when you call me Big Blogga.
If you got a donut up in your waist, please don't visit this space.
Cause I see some visitors tonight who shouldn’t be stuffin’ they faces,
May-bee.

Straight up homie, really I'm askin’.
Most of these bloggers think they be amusin’ while they be losin’.
Who they foolin’ with that vow, "I’m really gonna lose it now"?
Soon as they make that pledge, I just know they’re on the edge.
I ask what your weight goals are, "Who you kidding"?
Things to make you think, acts to help you shrink.
We gon' be here for a while, ain’t no reason we can’t smile.
So tell you what I’m gonna do
We can rendezvou after I review a blog or two.
Visit blogs of peeps that I believe in, like Lil’ Stephen.
Read a bit, comment some sh*t, word veri then hit “submit.”
Lunchtime on the way to the deli to fill my belly.
A veggie wrap, fuji apple and extra large diet Snapple.
Masticate for a few, cause in a few, I gon' do
What I got to do: exercise, ain’t that right, Boo? (truuuueee)
Forget the deli, I just go to the gym
and get metaphysical on the elliptical while my PT’s all critical.

I love it when you call me Big Blogga.
Leave a comment under there, if youse a weight-loss playa.
I love it when you call me Big Blogga.
To the fatties writin’ posties from the East to West coasties.
I love it when you call me Big Blogga.
If you got a donut up in your waist, please don't visit this space.
Cause I see some visitors tonight who shouldn’t be stuffin’ they faces,
May-bee.

How ya livin Jackie Sh*tz? In a weight-loss blitz
Writin poemies fo my homies, and it feels stupendous.
Tremendous dream, f*ck the donuts and ice cream (whaat)
Still hitting the weights with exercise extreme.
Smoothie a day, fulla fruit an' Protein Whey.
Recipes and smaller clothes, all a weight-loss blogga knows.
Easy to measure, whatever.
I’ve found buried treasure, the scale providin’ pleasure.
Yeah, living better now, smaller sweater now.
Regular BM's–I'm the man, girlfriend.
Honey check it, (check it)
Tell your friends, to get with my friends
And we can be friends.
Sh*t, we can do this every day.
Aight? Is that aight with you?
Yeah... keep bloggin’.

I love it when you call me Big Blogga.
Leave a comment under there, if youse a weight-loss playa.
I love it when you call me Big Blogga.
To the fatties writin’ posties from the East to West coasties.
I love it when you call me Big Blogga.
If you got a donut up in your waist, please don't visit this space.
Cause I see some visitors tonight who shouldn’t be stuffin’ they faces,
May-bee.


Note: The video above was the cleaned-up version. Here's the uncensored one...