Friday, October 30, 2009

I’m Sorry, Snoop Dogg

video


With so much drama in the b-l-o-g,
It's kinda hard bein’ Jack S-h-*-t.
But I, somehow, some way
Keep comin’ up with funky diet tips like every single day.
May I kick a little something for the ol’ fat Ts,
And, make a few jokes as I breeze through.
Two in the mornin’ and my blog’s unwritten
'Cause my three kids ain’t home,
Me and Anita in the living room gettin’ it on.
Don’t gotta be at work ‘til eight in the mornin’.
So what am I gonna do, sheeeit
I got a notebook full of ideas and a poem or two.
So fire up the laptop and close the doors.
Gotta get myself back to them weight-loss wars, yeah!
So I open a document and blow a kiss
And hope I get a good blog post outta this.

Rollin ‘round the net, makin’ wordplay, tappin’ my creative juices.
Losin’ weight [with my mind on my bloggin’ and my bloggin’ on my mind]
Rollin ‘round the net, makin’ wordplay, tappin’ my creative juices.
Losin’ weight [with my mind on my bloggin’ and my bloggin’ on my mind]

Now, I got me some Bigelow green tea,
And put on my “Best of ABBA” CD.
Get out that laptop, sit in my favorite chair.
Gonna start soon as I finish a game of solitaire.
Every subject I ponder just hits a dead end.
I’m suffering from a lil’ writer’s block, girlfriend.
Keep bangin’ my head, now I’m getting’ pissed.
Can’t even fart out another silly list.
Yeah, this cold snap is making me feel extra meek,
Looks like I’m gonna mess up my six-month streak.
But you think I’m gonna gain weight? Bitch please!
Gimme a cheese sammich, hold the bread and hold the cheese.
I’m more committed to my journey than Thelma and Louise.
Sh*t, I’m just…

Rollin ‘round the net, makin’ wordplay, tappin’ my creative juices.
Losin’ weight [with my mind on my bloggin’ and my bloggin’ on my mind]
Rollin ‘round the net, makin’ wordplay, tappin’ my creative juices.
Losin’ weight [with my mind on my bloggin’ and my bloggin’ on my mind]

Later on that day
My homey Dr. Geoff comes over and we watch “Top Chef”
By ourselves, drink some produce juice that makes me choke
Sh*t, this ain’t no joke.
Tried another swallow but I finally had to quit.
Carrot juice cocktail made me throw up just a bit.
But there ain’t no stoppin, I gotta get bloggin’.
Throw Geoff out cuz it’s time to get rockin’.
I’m at my desk, just bouncin’ along merrily.
Knock out a super-quick Snoop Dogg parody.
Got it done, girl, that’s just how it goes.
Hittin’ those lows, and going shopping for new clothes.
And I’ll be…

Rollin ‘round the net, makin wordplay, tappin my creative juices.
Losin’ weight [with my mind on my bloggin’ and my bloggin’ on my mind]
Rollin ‘round the net, makin wordplay, tappin my creative juices.
Losin’ weight [with my mind on my bloggin’ and my bloggin’ on my mind]

x

18 comments:

  1. HAHA! I love it. You are so creative! This would have taken me a year.

    In case it makes a difference, I absolutely rapped this outloud.

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  2. Excellent. Do you take requests? Because I'm sure in your big, creative head there's something great to be made of The Beatles' classic "Hey, Jude"..."Hey, food", maybe?!

    I know you've got it in you. lol

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  3. Wonderful one!! Like nic said, I never could do what you do. Never!!

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  4. Snoop is all up in this mutha!

    Good jobizzle fo shizzle!

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  5. I got here to early today now I'll have to come back later to read all the comments, they are almost as good as what you blog lol. Good one as always Jack!

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  6. Just stellar. Gonna put on some Snoop, sink down in my chair low, and hope the rest of the day goes quickly! :) Happy halloween!

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  7. "The Best of ABBA"? Really, Jack?
    Loved the shout-out to Dr Geoff!

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  8. Very cool! Love the Bigelow shout out... it really IS great green tea!

    Hey, how about some of the GREATS showing up on your blog?? Maybe a song from Bob Dylan, Woody Guthrie, or Neil Young. Or maybe a Shit-ized version of Alice's Restaurant. Of course most of your readers are too young to know who any of these people are... :)

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  9. Hey, the kids jumping on the couch reminded me of our house...minus the bottle in the bag.

    Let's see...liked the refrain "with my mind on my blogging and my bloggin on my mind". That made me smile.

    And, they must not have bratwurst in Tennesse. That's a shame.

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  10. Fo' shizzle...you always get me with the gangsta' rap.

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  11. Ha! You should mail that to Snoop, and get his opinion. Perhaps you guys can collaborate on a project down the line...

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  12. I totally love Snoop Dogg. So naturally this made me smile.

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  13. You are too much! How do you do it!!!!

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  14. Ok, this was my FAVORITE by far. LOL!!!

    - Lisa
    http://inweighovermyhead.blogspot.com/

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  15. I think this one is in the lead for my all time favorite! :)

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  16. Best line: "I'm more committed to my journey than Thelma and Louise." :P

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