Saturday, October 24, 2009

The Cat in the Fat

Note: After six months of producing original content for this blog each and every day, I’ve finally decided to knock off one day a week. Chris at A Deliberate Life suggested that I re-run some of my favorite posts, so I decided to make Saturdays a “Same Old Sh*t” day. This well-received piece was one of my first forays into the little-mined field of weight-loss parody poetry.

The Cat in the Fat

The sun did not shine,
Hadn’t shined in a bit,
For the fellow the blogging world
Knows as Jack Sh*t.

He sat there so sadly.
He sat there unhappily.
And he said, “How I wish
I didn’t eat quite so crappily.”

Too big to go out
And too fat to play ball.
So he sat at his desk
And did nothing at all.

And all he could do was to
And it left him feeling
Like a big lump of sh*t.

And then
Something went bump!
How that bump made him jump!

He looked!
Then he saw it pop onto his screen.
A web site
On weight loss and low-fat cuisine.
And it said to Jack,
"C’mon, let’s break this routine.”

"I know you are chubby.
And there’s work to be done
But you can drop poundage
And still have some fun."

"Have no fear!" said the site.
"I will not let you fail.
I will give you new confidence
When you stand on that scale."

"In order to lose weight,
There’s two things you must do.
And I call these two things
Thing One and Thing Two."

"Thing One is 'eat less.'
Stuff less food in your mouth.
Cuz what goes in up North
Often winds up down South."

"'Exercise more' is Thing Two
And please don’t forget.
You won’t dump the plump
Without sweating some sweat."

"Follow Thing 1 and Thing 2
And you won’t stay a fat hog.
Why, if you wanted to you could
Write your own blog."

"Chronicle your journey
As you step away from the abyss
Fill it with wisdom
(And a few stupid lists)."

So I vowed to eat right,
I started to move.
And soon I was in my own
Little weight-losing groove.

And my blog’s doing great.
I may never get rich,
But it seems to have found
Its own special niche.

So this cat’s on his way,
He just won’t ever quit.
You can follow his story
(Jack Sh*t, Gettin’ Fit).

I hope you enjoyed this,
All silly and Seuss-y.
But I may need a lawyer,
When somebody sues me.



  1. I think I've read this before. HA!

  2. Thanks for reposting, looks like I may have missed this one, I know GASP!

  3. Yep, hadn't read this one. :)

  4. Same old Sh*t Day! Right on!

    I love this so much!

    Now give it up: Was there really a specific web site that inspired you? Names, please.

  5. Just tell me you are not going to start taking days off from focusing on your physical well being!

    Hey, come to think of it... was that you in front of me at the all you can eat chinese food buffet this morning?!

    I think it might be a good thing to bring back a few old posts with good points that people might have missed (or need to be reminded about!)

    I thought about this a bit with old books... There are the classics that most people say they have read, Which may be fibbin'.

    Even Past those what good books have we missed from the past that were not classics or even best sellers... all to jump on the zombie bandwagon following Oprah to raid the local bookstore to get?

    In the information overload world no one could even consider reading everything that has been written up to this point, never mind the stuff coming out daily.

    Oh, is that a new book I see on omega-97 fish oils I see as I write this? Sorry I got to go.

    At Foolsfitness we think if you believe in reincarnation your doing it all wrong... maybe even for the 12th rerun?- Alan

  6. i hadn't seen this one. Thanks Jack. I love Suess.

    Hope the sun's shining in your part of the world today.


  7. LOVED this & a first time for me! I am like you, re-evaluating how many posts a week I want to do... right now, I post funnies OR articles of interest on the weekends. It is time consuming to do a blog even the easy weekend stuff! Good for you! You deserve the time off & we will survive! :-)

  8. Very cute and clever.

  9. Oh, I'm happy you re-posted this 'cause I had not read it. I love Dr. Suess, and I don't think he would be upset with you at all.

  10. I never had the pleasure this was posted first time around.

    Jack I am in awe of you!!! Not only as a shining example of a sense of humor but one of motivation and determination...

    and just a smidge of crazy always helps *winks*

  11. I love Dr. Seuss, and I'm a fairly new follower, so I hadn't seen this. Super de duper!

  12. I read this to the family today and my 12 yr old thought it was the coolest thing *smile*. He told me to tell you he really liked it. Of course all 12 yr olds love hearing someone say shit as many times as possible lol. I do remember this one well and it's still as great as it was the last time.

  13. Jack I think that is a perfect idea (Same ole) and I love the way you can actually schedule the post so you don't even have to think about it. You could feasibly schedule there for 6 months out! LOL!

  14. P.S. I meant schedule them not schedule there.

  15. OK Maybe it's me... and I know this is likely in appropreate to ask, but it crossed my mind and has been haunting me since for hours...


    Now Foolsfitness will sit in a corner and think about what he has done.- Alan

  16. I like it! It must have been posted the first time before I discovered your blog.

  17. As a trained paralegal, I can almost garantee that somebody somewhere in oily legal land would sue if they could find the right chump (er client)to abuse (er represent).
    good on you for reposting...I hadn't read that one. Very cute and Dr. suess is a favorite here.

  18. read it. loved it. read it again. loved it again. one of my favorites!!

  19. Love it! For those of us that haven't read your entire archives yet, this is awesome. And love the title for the day too! :)



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