Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Like Big Butts? Not Me...

Oh, my, god. girl, look at her butt.
It is so big. *scoff* She has more crack
than the neighborhood drug dealer.
But, you know who understands about all that?
There’s this guy that knows his stuff
Sir Sh*ts-A-Lot wants to get folks thinner 'kay?
I mean, his blog is just so strange
I can't believe it's so ridiculous, it's like,
out there, I mean - really. Look!
It’s just so ... Jack!

Blogger seems to be having video issues today,
so click
here if you wanna sing along...

You’ve got a big butt and I cannot lie,
You prolly should go on a diet.
Cause if you wanna get an itty bitty waist.
Stop stuffin’ stuff in your face.
You get hungry, want food in ya tummy,
But you notice that yo body looks crummy.
You standing at that mirror swearing.
Don’t fit in them jeans you’re wearing.
Oh baby, just admit
You wanna get fit.
My homeboys tried to warn me
That this song might come off corny.
Ooh, Plump-o'-stiltskin
Say you wanna get rid of that double-chin?
Well, listen, listen..
It’s time to find out what you been missin’.
Let’s get you dietin’.
Get them fat cells riotin’.
Time to get wet, sweat,
Say whoa, exercise some mo.
Get you losin’ that flesh tuxedo.
I'm tired of all of them excuses.
Time to put a move on them cabooses.
Take the average fattie and ask ‘em that,
“Why you gotta pack so much of that fat?”
So, fatso! (Yeah!) fatso! (Yeah!)
Gonna make you lose it! That so? (Hell yeah!)
I tell ya to move it! (move it!) Move it! (move it!)
Move that healthy butt!
Baby got Jack!

Baby got Jack!

Yo butt may be round and large,
Just means it’s time to take charge.
Time to help yo-self, create a mass reduction.
Bring out the weapons of ass destruction.
I wanna get you a personal trainer,
Break it down so it couldn’t be plainer.
I ain't talkin' bout buns of steel,
But “buns of play-doh” just ain’t a good deal.
Don’t wanna be thick and juicy, do we?
So make a plan and do what you planned.
Sir Sh*t’s-a-Lot will give you a hand.
Help you on your way to the promised land.
Maybe try out that 30-day Shred,
With Jillian’s harsh face talkin’ to yo head.
(Why won’t that ho-bag just drop dead?)

Time to build up that mojo.
Get that weight down to a new low, yo.
Turning back now is a real no-no.
But I gotta be straight when I say you can’t wait,
To have this poundage gone.
‘Til you got it goin’ on.
‘Til you’re feeling fit and strong!

Some folks can’t stop eating and cheating.
Me? I'd rather move it and prove it.
In the gym being strong like I belong,
And I'm down to get my workout on.
So, ladies! (Yeah!) Ladies! (Yeah)
Tired of living in your personal Hades? (Yeah!)
Then turn it around! Gut it out!
And give this fit white boy a shout.
Baby got Jack!

Baby got Jack!
Yeah, baby ... when it comes to flab, Jackie ain’t takin’ nothin’ off nobody.
250 lbs? Ha ha, only if you’re 7'3".

So let’s exercise you and me, maybe play Wii Fit on the Wii.
Get our bodies in motion. Get busy and cause a commotion.
Cuz breaking a sweat
Is our best bet yet.
Go do some side bends or sit-ups,
It’s time to lose that butt.
Some people wanna be nice and gentle,
Don’t wanna be too detrimental.
They’ll tell you that you’re doin’ great,
Even when you gain some weight.
When you’re pilin’ crap on your plate.
They won’t tell you that you're fat,
Well I ain't down with that!
'Cause your waist is too big and your life’s a mess,
And I’m not gonna be happy ‘til you weigh a little less.
‘Til you’re a little more comfortable in your skin.
You go, Miss Thin!
Give me a workout, dinner of baked trout.
Want some dessert but gonna do without.
If you’re gettin’ a lil’ frustrated by all dis,
Stop by my blog for another stupid list,
Or a goofy lil’ story with a lot of jokes wit ‘em.
It’s your time, so let’s go get ‘em!
So ladies, if the butt’s too grande,
Then let’s not wait to get started on Monday.
Dial 1-900-SH*TSALOT,
And let’s give this thing our best shot!
Baby got Jack!

Let’s get little in the middle and get our healthy body back!


  1. Sir Mix A Lot Jack!
    Look at that blog -OMG!
    Adds new meaning to HIP-HOP!
    I listed your name on my blog for another award for your BonFire!
    ...just speading the lurve!

  2. Baby Got Jack.

    It is now official. I adore you. And am also a little afraid of you. But mostly? Adore.

  3. Love it, love it, love it!

  4. OMG there are no words....Except this:

    "weapons of ass destruction"

    Holy Hell! LOL

  5. Baby Got Jack! Im going to be singing that all day! Good grief! lol
    Great post, my fav "song" by far! And it just gave me a great idea for a new ringtone for my

  6. I am sat here LMFAO! Genius Jack, I love it!


  7. OMG fucking hilarious!!! When I was younger, much younger ... my friends and I use to sing this song all the time ... brings back some memories! You're version is much better :)

  8. "Sir Sh*ts a lot"
    Now that is just wrong.

  9. OMG-- I love it. But seriously folks, I recently read an article stating that big butts are healthier for us than a big gut. So if you have junk in the truck, check this out.......

  10. Jack, that is so well done, I'm adding you to my blog list on the front page of Secret Story Time right now. You should have been on there already, sorry it took so long!

    Sincerely, Secretia

  11. OK, this is my VERY FAVORITE rewrite. Love it, love it, love it! (And saving it to a word doc.)

  12. My favorite parody by a mile. I swear, if you could record these---they would sell!!

    I'd put this one on my iPod

  13. you've simply outdone yourself


  14. I had to mute a conference call I was on (and only 1/4 listening to) to laugh at this one.

    Truly a masterpiece!

  15. move it and prove it

    yep yep :)

  16. Hill air e ass!

    Ms. Thin I will be
    With Sir sh*ts alot
    And my Wii!

    LOVE IT!

    Can I get this for my IPOD!

  17. Wow my friend... I just have to bow my head in shame so I don't laugh myself to death.

  18. Too funny!!! It's no wonder why I keep coming back for more!


  19. Buns of play doh! I was so hungry yesterday I almost ate one that my kid made me.

  20. No kidding Jack...this song is on my ipod playlist for working out! LMAO now I have to change the words!

  21. Haha you weren't kidding when you Tweeted about a strange post (even for you) today....but I love it!

  22. You're weird in such an amazing loveyalikeabrotha kind of way.

    Rock on, Jack.

  23. HAHA! Love it Jack- but then again I think I say that to all your posts! :)

  24. BTW On twitter they have the shorty awards. I nominated Jack for a shorty award in humor. GO VOTE!

  25. What's funny is that even when I was 125 pounds and 5'7" I had a big round booty. It's just me. I'll always have a big butt but it will be muscular and not Jello soon. :)

    BTW, you'd be proud of me: I'm totally sticking to working hard and the scale is dropping almost daily. I'm looking forward to my next weigh in!

  26. Word

    Does using the word, "word" in that context date me? I think it does. Yo, I don't care dog.

  27. I heart this.


    Baby with Back

  28. I guess the most frustrating part is that you did not apologize to Sir Mix-A-Lot, who has written such wonderful songs as "Beepers" and "My Hooptie".

    Sir Mix-A-Lot is one of the most passionate rappers out there. From a humble upbringing in Seattle, he has mastered and cliimbed the rap charts with his first hit "My Posse's on Broadway".

    He is my favorite! Maybe you are as well?

  29. "She's got more crack than the neighborhood drug dealer!"



  30. Rhyming "grande" with "Monday"... you got mad rapper skillz, Jack Sh*t!

    And the "flesh tuxedo" line made me spit my coffee. You owe me a new keyboard. Again.

  31. "Bring out the weapons of ass destruction."

    LOL I love it!

  32. Just should seriously have your own TV show...or radio show or are the best!

  33. I really didn't intend to read the whole thing, but it kept me entertained. You witty sh*t!

  34. By the way, I'm LMAO at calling Jillian a ho-bag.

  35. Ok...I think I told you a while back that Folsom Prison Blues was my favorite. That has now changed. This one kicks ass. Love it....too awesome. :)

  36. OMG Jack, you HAVE to make an album! Get that guy who sings "Pants on the Ground" to cover this one.

  37. I'm holding up my lighter, Sir Sh*tsalot. :D Encore!

  38. I love it!!!! and if this song is stuck in my head all night we might have issues!!!lol

  39. Fricken Hilarious...Plump-o'-stiltskin indeed!!!!

  40. Haha!I love it!:)

    Thanks for adding me, btw, on twitter and blogroll. :)

  41. I was totally wondering when you'd get to this one, it just seemed to fit so well! :)

    And..."Stop stuffin' stuff in your face" for some reason made me snort.

  42. You are amazing!

    This is one of my favorite songs ('cause this baby got back) and I loved your version, too! SO funny.

  43. well, we finally found the weapons of *ss destruction. They are on Jacks blog,
    prepare to be invaded, occupied and then poorly handled.

  44. Kickin' it ole skool...nice Jack!

  45. Hi Jack. This is phenomenal!

    Bearfriend xx

  46. Imma have to memorize this song. Hilarious! It's a nice twist to the original.

  47. Oh dear! lol
    I'm one of those "chubby chasers" I've always liked bigger guys, even when i was a skinnyish teen. I don't know why either.

  48. I really can't get past the "Sir Sh*ts a Lot" part. Taking weight loss advice from someone with diarrhea ... really?


  49. "weapons of ass destruction"

    Made me giggle uncontrollably.
    Love it.



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