Tuesday, September 1, 2009

I'm Sorry, Johnny Cash


I smell that bread a bakin’.
It’s cooling on the rack.
And I ain’t had carbohydrates since... oh, six months back.
I'm stuck on this low-carb diet, and time keeps draggin' by.
And I’d sell my soul on eBay… for a slice of apple pie.

When I was getting started, my doctor told me, son.
If you eat a hot dog, don't ever eat the bun.
It’ll take some Michelob Ultra, just to wash it down.
When I see others eating, I hang my head and frown.

I bet there's thin folks eating in a fancy restaurant.
They're probably ordering French fries and eatin’ all they want.
Well I know I had this coming; I know I can't eat free.
But these people carbo-loadin’,
Well, that's what tortures me.

Well, if they freed me from this diet,
And I could eat whatever I covet,
I’d order a whole pizza, man. I’m sure I’d really love it.
But I’m sticking to this low-carb diet, that's where I’m gonna stay.
Til’ one day in the future... I weigh what I wanna weigh.


For Oct and my other low-carb eatin’ pals.


38 comments:

  1. :D You've found your calling.

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  2. Hilarious as always! Hope you're having a good day!!

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  3. Clever re-make. I'm so glad I can eat bread.

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  4. You are funnier than anyone I know, and I don't even know you!!

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  5. Ha! A Classic in the making! I loved this one so much that I "awarded" you on my blog today. Don't get excited...it's L-l-l-lame.

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  6. I thought it was great that the photo you chose for Johnny Cash says in the corner that he is in prision ... like the prision of low-carb diets.

    Your wit is staggering, my friend. :)

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  7. lol.....lol.........LOL> hilarious. (and true!)

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  8. My total favorite, both because I love johnnycash, and because I would sell my soul for a sub sandwich on the thickest, whitest, carbiest bread you could ever imagine.

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  9. Brilliant! Your song parodies really crack me up more than they should.

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  10. As always...Wonderful. You're better (almost) than Wierd Al Yankovic at song parodies. Think you can market that skill?

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  11. Every time I read (or sing) a song that you re-write the words to I also hear the singers voice in my head singing along- HYSTERICAL! lol

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  12. I love it. I agree you have found your calling.

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  13. HAHAHA.. where do you get this ideas? Smart!

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  14. Fantastic as always! I love reading your stuff.

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  15. Love it! Oh and BTW I made you proud yesterday, I added shredded cheese to my dinner and it was a big hit! As always thanks for the advice :-)

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  16. I did so well on low carbs- sadly my gallstones didn't agree. I think it is a great diet though as long as you don't lose the weight too fast.

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  17. Thanks for joining up to follow my blog! It means a lot that people are interested in watching my progress on this journey and I am finding that it is a great motivator. Funny post, by the way!

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  18. someday you're going to do Queen or ELO. I know it. I feel it in my bones!!!!!!

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  19. The Man in Black...

    Good stuff Jack

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  20. I could kiss you right now, Jack! That was MUCHLY needed!!!

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  21. Gave me a chuckle. Clever stuff as usual.

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  22. OK, but just don't come cryin' to us when your memory goes! ;-)

    And yeah, you totally needed to apologize to Johnny for that. lol

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  23. Oh my dear, I do so love Johnny Cash. You really are super talented. I know most of his songs down pat, and your choice of words fit perfectly. A+.

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  24. I believe that Johnny Cash is somewhere right now eating a slice of meat lovers pizza in your honor.

    (or he might be rolling in his grave...)

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  25. Nice shout out for the low carb folks!

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  26. Johnny is still great. I hear ya on the pie ...

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  27. There is only one person that is funnier than you.

    And that person my friend is Dr. Geoff, my father!!!

    Well done!

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  28. OMG I haven't heard this song in YEARS!! I was singing along just to see if you got the words in time to the music....you-are-AWESOME. :)

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  29. Oooh I like!

    Today I walked past about three hot dog vendors on the street. It's really just cruel to anyone trying to be healthy :D

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  30. I love johnny cash. You seem to be on the grand ole opry tour as of late. folsom prison....low carb missin'.....good one.

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  31. oh, um wait...johnny cash was kicked out of the grand ole opry for kicking in the stage lights...my bad....lmao.

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  32. BRAVO!!!!!!!!!!
    Song's totally stuck in my head right now :)

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