Thursday, September 17, 2009

Ways to Jumpstart Your Mojo

  • Money is a huge motivator; give yourself $10,000 for every 10 pounds you lose. You’ll be surprised at how effective this can be.
  • Tracking all your food is good, but maybe you could track other stuff too, including phone calls made, questions asked, unusual birds seen, annoying songs listened to on the radio, license plates from states beginning with the letter “I” spotted, lies told and breathes taken.
  • Try an exercise you don’t normally do, such as water polo, line dancing or regular polo.
  • Wear clothes that are too tight, and… uhhh…this collar… so confining…RIIIIIIIIIPPPPPP…aaaaahhhhhhhhhhh, so much better…
  • Use creative writing to help you reach your goals. Journal from the point of view of yourself after you’ve already lost the weight. After that, journal from the point of view of an old creaky barn in the middle of a harsh New England winter.
  • Have your name officially changed to “Spanky McBlubberbottom” until you reach your goal weight.
  • Looking for a workout partner? Try a classified ad such as “Looking for partner for some good sweaty fun. Male or female, makes no difference to me. I’m just ready to cut loose and really give my all. We can do it at your place or mine, but let’s get going. I’m ready for anything!”
  • Put Mr. Yuk stickers on all the snack foods in your pantry.
  • Buy a treadmill for your house, because no one’s ever bought a treadmill for the house and wound up not using it.
  • Give yourself a gold star for every five pounds you lose; the price of gold is skyrocketing these days, so you’re getting fit and making a solid investment at the same time.
  • Tell your family you’re trying to lose weight. Tell your co-workers. Tell your neighbors. Tell the people that work in your office building. Tell the folks you pass on the street. Tell strangers that call your house accidently. Tell us all!
  • Each morning, write your current weight on your forehead with a Sharpee.

48 comments:

  1. You know... that Mr. Yuk sticker idea ain't so half-baked!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Just the inspiration I was looking for. Where's that Sharpie?

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hey Jack...IM TRYING TO LOSE WEIGHT! :)

    I have my # on the fridge in SHARPIE! :)

    Great ideas!

    ReplyDelete
  4. thanks for stopping by today! I really need a lil boost!

    how hilarious...especially the classified ad...oh my god!

    oh and the last one!? Why do that when the bf already knows if I had a good or bad day depending on my mood when I come out of the bathroom!

    ReplyDelete
  5. So now I have to get stock in the Sharpee company. We'll all be rushing out to buy an extra.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Damn...I thought this was going to involve electric shock therapy based on the picture.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Like the Mr. YuK stickers! Where can I buy those ? :)

    ReplyDelete
  8. Love this "Each morning, write your current weight on your forehead with a Sharpee" but I'm afraid I might scare off all my co-workers. Thanks for the laugh!

    ReplyDelete
  9. I don't know if my fiance will appreciate me taking out that personal add... lol

    ReplyDelete
  10. I had another great laugh. Thank you~!

    ReplyDelete
  11. I wonder if they'll set aside some of that stimulus money and give us that $10,000 per ten pounds lost. You are right...pretty darn motivating. Let's start lobbying for that.

    ReplyDelete
  12. “Looking for partner for some good sweaty fun. Male or female, makes no difference to me. I’m just ready to cut loose and really give my all. We can do it at your place or mine, but let’s get going. I’m ready for anything!”

    I figured this was a good place to start.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Off to write my classifieds ad now, it takes more effort to get the heart rate up these days!

    ReplyDelete
  14. These were really good ones Jack, loved the Mr. Yuk and telling everyone. I think the money one is good too, maybe giving yourself a tummy tuck and new boobs should be on the list, though I guess you being a guy you wouldn't really want new boobs lol.

    ReplyDelete
  15. OMG, are you married? Have a brother maybe? I think I'm in love ;)

    ReplyDelete
  16. I read these to my mother. She said, "Oh dear. If Spanky McBlubberbottom were my name, I'd strive to lose every pound." She, by-the-way, has lost over 60 lbs so I guess she can keep her name. FYI: Linedancing IS a common aerobic exercise in Tennessee. Sadly, it's done with a beer in hand.

    ReplyDelete
  17. I think the last one would prove most motivational for me.

    ReplyDelete
  18. I think you have one of the funniest, insightful, motivating blogs I have ever read. And I am going to do each and everyone of those things you just mentioned....call me Spanky!

    Btw thanks for stopping by my blog. and I copied your weight watcher conversation stoppers to send to my dad he thought they were hilarious as well.

    katie

    ReplyDelete
  19. I just giggle-snorted my coffee... what an awesome entry!

    But I especially like this, "Buy a treadmill for your house, because no one’s ever bought a treadmill for the house and wound up not using it."

    I hear ya, but you never define that it's often used to hang clothes on! :)

    ReplyDelete
  20. very few things in life make me laugh out loud any more. another post from jack did the impossible! lol (really)

    tight collar? i knew you were a sick puppy. lol

    ReplyDelete
  21. The treadmill. Thanks for reminding me, Jack.

    ReplyDelete
  22. So, when writing one's weight on one's forehead with a sharpie, is it proper to write it backwards so that it appears correct in the mirror or write it forwards so others can easily read it but it's backwards when you look in the mirror. Please advise...

    Would hate to display poor taste/manners by acting outside proper etiquette! ;-)

    ReplyDelete
  23. So if you write your weight on your forehead with a Sharpie, should you write it backwards so when you are looking in the mirror you can read it or forwards so everyone can read it? Upside down maybe? What color? Fat tipped or fine tipped? C'mon JS, I need specifics.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Oh man. Denise beat me to it. *shakes fist*

    ReplyDelete
  25. Dear JSGF-

    I'm looking for partner for some good sweaty fun. Male or female, makes no difference to me. I’m just ready to cut loose and really give my all. We can do it at your place or mine, but let’s get going. I’m ready for anything!

    -jafg

    ReplyDelete
  26. HA! I like that too tight clothing one! Man, that always stops me in my tracks to this day!! The sharpie on the forehead is pretty good too but I have enough probs with age related face issues already! :-)

    How about putting your worst pic on the fridge to stop you in your tracks!!!

    ReplyDelete
  27. Did anyone ever tell you that are one funny guy? I like the treadmill one - I think we bought about 5 or 6 pieces of equipment that we sold for a fraction of their cost.

    ReplyDelete
  28. oh my GAWD, my side hurts from laughing!

    ReplyDelete
  29. Ha! I'll go for the 10 grand one, please.

    ReplyDelete
  30. What??? Why are you aiming so low. I personally go with $20K for each 10 pounds!

    ReplyDelete
  31. I'll write my weight on my forehead and tell everyone it's my IQ!

    ReplyDelete
  32. I don't think you could be any funnier if you tried! You're brilliant.

    Thanks so much for the great laugh. Feel free to give me $10000 for every pound YOU lose. :)

    ReplyDelete
  33. I forgot about Mr. Yuk! I hope you get some swag from Sharpie for this one.

    ReplyDelete
  34. I'm trippin' out that two people had the same idea within 2 minutes of each other. Great post!

    ReplyDelete
  35. You know, I tried getting my boyfriend to give me $10,000 for every 10 pounds lost when I was losing weight, but he didn't go for it.

    ReplyDelete
  36. I haven't written anything from the perspective of a barn before. I'm going to give that a go.

    ReplyDelete
  37. Lol... love it! Especially the sharpie suggestion!

    Hey Jack, I remember you saying you were gonna help me in the 365-mile Challenge by tackling 364 miles of it. Well it starts tomorrow so hope you get moving!

    Jus kidding.. but it really does start tomorrow if you wanted to help me out!

    ReplyDelete
  38. I love the one about the classified ad!! :>

    ReplyDelete
  39. That's MS Spanky McBlubberbottom to you!

    Loved it!

    ReplyDelete
  40. Love this post...

    BTW: I've started a new blog strictly for my online peeps. Please don't mention it on my regular blog, but I'd love to have you over there following me!

    http://gettingandstayinghealthy.wordpress.com/

    ReplyDelete
  41. There is now water running down the screen of my laptop because I was taking a huge gulp when I read your last entry...laughed out loud, and spewed H2O everywhere...as always, thanks Jack. :)

    ReplyDelete
  42. If I had the 10 grand I have me one of those marine corps drill seargant trainer..."off your ass Fat Daddy! It's time to lose that lard you lazy slug!"

    ReplyDelete
  43. I have done all those..to include telling the strangers who call accidentally....nothing like pressure. Now, the sharpee thing I haven't done, but may in the future if I feel my grip on this thing slipping. Good to do list.

    ReplyDelete
  44. seriously though, you make this crap a lot less tedious...thank you.

    ReplyDelete
  45. Oh, gawd! Not the sharpie!

    Aren't sharpies forever?

    ReplyDelete

LinkWithin

Related Posts with Thumbnails