Saturday, September 19, 2009

Gag Me With a Fork

Consider it a public service: I’ve been starting to jot down bizarre little meal plans, not to necessarily prepare for me and my family, but to serve as an appetite killer when I’m feeling hungry and out of sorts. I haven’t worked out the actual recipes as of yet, but reading over this list might choke out any feelings of chowing down you might have for the next hour or so.
  • Anchovy Boloney Macaroni with Garlic Pickle Brac-a-Brickle
  • Pickled Prickly Pear Pork Puffs with Pumpkin Pepperoni Popovers
  • Canadian Bacon & Cucumber Chimichanga with Chokeberry-Chipotle Chutney
  • Raspberry, Radish & Refried Bean Rhapsody with Whipped Wasabi
  • Sassafras Salisbury Steak Soufflé with Sweet & Sour Skunk Cabbage
  • Chickenhawk & Chickweed Chard Chowder with Cheesy Chia Pet Chitterlings
  • Savory Sardine Steaks with Sucrets-and-Sauerkraut Succotash
  • Worcestershire Water Buffalo with Watercress & Watermelon White Sauce
  • Oxidized Ocelot Omelet with Hummingbird Hominy Hashbrowns
  • Al Dente Avocado Anaconda on Arborio Rice with Artichoke-Apricot-Acorn Ambrosia
  • Julienned Jalapeno & Jell-O Jambalaya with Jerk-Flavored Jicama Juice
  • Pig’s Feet Pate on Pumpernickel with Pigeon-Parsley Pasta Salad
  • Gooseberry & Government Cheese Goulash with Gibbon Gibet Gravy
  • Marzipan Muskrat Minestrone with Malted Milk Mussels & Marinated Miniature Marshmallows on Melba Toast
  • Carob-Covered Caribou Cutlets with Cajun Cranberry-Corn Crumpets
  • Roasted Raccoon Ravioli with Rutabaga, Roquefort & Rhubarb Rice
  • Dijon Dachshund with Duck Sauce, Dandelions and Dippin' Dots
  • Blanched Beetle Borscht with Bittersweet Balsamic Barley Biscuits
  • Freeze-Dried Flamingo Flambé with a side of French-Fried Fiddle Faddle
  • Venison, Veal & Vienna Sausage Vermicelli with Vanilla-Coated Veggies
  • Kiwi Kumquat Knockwurst on Krusty Kelp Knishes
  • Curried Caramelized Corn Dogs with Coconut Codfish Coleslaw
  • Toasted Teriyaki Tripe and Tofu with Turnip-Tomatillo Tortellini
  • Fresh Fish Flapjacks with Salty Saffron-Stinkbug Syrup
  • Seared Starfruit, Sharktooth & Soybean Soup with Shellfish Schnitzel
  • Minty Mexican Monkfish with Mashed Mouse Mousse
  • Chinese Chili Pepper & Cantaloupe Crabcakes with Chilled Candy Corn Couscous
  • Escalloped Early Eggplant & Eggnog Empanadas
  • Porcupine Pumpkin Pierogies with Poached Papaya Pepper Pot Pozole
  • Bulgur Buffalo Braunschweiger with Buttermilk Barbecue Sauce
  • Lemongrass & Licorice Liver Linguine with Lime-Lemur Ladyfingers
  • Grilled Glazed Gator with Ground Grouper au Gratin
  • Zesty Zwieback Zebra & Zucchini Ziti
  • Broiled Boneless Beaver Butt with Braised Briny Broccoli
  • Carribbean-Style Clownfish & Clams with Cauliflower-Cocoa Cornbread
  • Headcheese & Horseradish Hoagies with Frosted Frog Fritters

Come and get it!



  1. OMG -- you should hand out complimentary barf bags with this post. ROTFLMAO!! I never thought I'd thatnk anyone for grossing me out but. there you go! Have a great weekend!

  2. Looking forward to the recipes - with photos!

  3. If you want disgusting food, check out Paul McKenna on the Internet. This hypnotist and weight-loss guru gets people to kick their "addictions" to things like chocolate or chips by getting people to associate the food with eating hair clippings and the like.

  4. Excellent session! I do something similar occasionally - design a huge binge so ridiculously over the top that even in full binge mode it turns me right off! I'm not as imaginative as you in my combos though!

  5. Those are just so disgusting I can't even believe it!! Where do you come up with this?

    What's scary is that some people might actually think some of that is good!

  6. Food Porn gone horribly *wrong* ~~ Ralph.

  7. I threw up a couple of times while reading this! Thanks Jack! hehe

  8. mashed mouse mousse??????????????????????

    you've gone too far, Jack. (grin)

  9. Ewww LOL

    Although, the Raspberry, Radish & Refried Bean Rhapsody with Whipped Wasabi might work if you balance the flavors properly.

  10. LMAO so funny! You must have alot of time on your hands!

  11. thank you I am no longer hungry!

  12. I got through the first few and then just couldn't do it... lol.

  13. Bleccchhhhh! I think I need to go hurl!

  14. GROSS!!!! Unfortunately, I see some shows with crap like this at fancy restaurants & people pay big bucks for it!!! I am a simple type of gal!

    Thx for the laughs.. or is it gagging!

  15. I think you can get most of these in Asia!

  16. Wow. Nice. Glad I read this before I head over to the Halftime Barbeque at my neighbors house. She's serving Roadkill. Which, even though it contains Velveeta (hells YEAH), it no longer sounds quite so appetizing.

    And thanks for the encouragement yesterday. 'Preciate it.

  17. Roasted Raccoon Ravioli with Rutabaga, Roquefort & Rhubarb Rice

    A festive all favorite. Especially with fresh roadkill Racoon!

  18. I think I just threw up in my mouth!

  19. EWWWWW! I'm not so hungry anymore...LOL

  20. eeeewww... gross.

    I am so not hungry now.

  21. Prepare a batch of candy corn cous cous and bring it to me immediately.

    With a fork. Or a spoon. Or a spork. Or just forget it and I'll eat it with my fingers...

  22. Aaaah ... so YOU'RE where they came up with all the stuff for

    Seriously. It keeps me going on days when I THINK I could eat anything.



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