Saturday, September 26, 2009

Greeting Cards for the Calorically Challenged

  • Get thin soon
  • Thinking of you… and bacon
  • I'll love you forever, with all of my heart. But I call dibs on the last Pop-Tart.
  • Happy Easter and sorry I bit the head off your chocolate bunny
  • Wishing you the gift of everlasting frosting
  • A day without you is like a day without chocolate
  • Happy Burpday!
  • A baby is one of God's most precious gifts, second only to nachos
  • Merry Christmas to all and to all a good bite
  • My arteries are packed with love for you
  • Happy Nutella Year!
  • Deepest sympathy on your recent weigh-in
  • You take the cake! (seriously, where’d you put the cake?)
  • Our love will last forever but “Endless Shrimp” at Red Lobster is over soon… grab your coat
  • Here’s to the true meaning of Christmas: a stocking full of candy!
  • Happy Hamiversary!
  • I hope that you can forgive me, but I didn’t know that was your wedding cake in the freezer.
  • It’s a brand new binge-ginning!
  • Sorry I missed your birthday, but I was trying that crazy new sandwich at KFC


  1. Sweet! You totally should market the weigh-in sympathy card.

  2. This is my favorite post!!!!!! LOL @ the weigh-in/sympathy card!

  3. That is hilarious. Love the sympathy for your weigh in. Classic and so fitting.

  4. Love the weigh in card. Think Etsy.

  5. yep...I agree with everyone else...WI card...I could have used one last week, but I didnt get one from ya! humm....

  6. How do you come up with this stuff??? Thanks for making me laugh first thing this morning!

  7. I definitely agree with everyone else about the sympathy weigh-in card.

    I also think you should have a "Save the Date" card for the Red Lobster all-you-can-eat shrimp fest.

  8. Ok...I am voting for:

    You take the cake! (seriously, where’d you put the cake?) are brilliant! Please, not sacrifice your dog to a Brazilian demigod once you reach your 90 pound mark.

    Also, here is one of my favorite and snarky food commentaries. Somehow...I think you will find it as funny as I do.

    (hint: click on each card and read her commentary.....) SMILES.

  9. Too funny! Ok, where can we get these :)

  10. "A day without you is like a day without chocolate"

    I would be floored if this one doesn't actually exist already.

  11. "Happy Nutella Year!" Yummmmmm!!!!!!

  12. The Pop-Tart one is DEFINITELY one that Tom would give me! And then I'd have to give him a papercut with it someplace very uncomfortable ...

  13. Hi Jack. You've definitely found a gap in the market. Brilliant!

    Best wishes,
    Bearfriend xx

  14. That was soooooooooooooooooooo funny! I LOVE cookies (not packaged but real bakery ones) now & fresh bread BUT when I was a kid this one hit home:

    I'll love you forever, with all of my heart. But I call dibs on the last Pop-Tart.

    I loved those friggin pop-tarts! The cinnamon sugar flavor!!!!

    Thx for the laugh!

  15. "Deepest sympathy on your recent weigh-in." I love it! And I need one, sadly.

  16. Haha, I love it!

    You should write to Hallmark... serious you could be in charge of an entire new line of greeting cards :))

  17. All are excellent, but my fav is the Easter one! Just dont add SALT!!!! lol

  18. You may discover a market here. My 14 year old daughter is convinced you aren't real. You blog is so good, so funny, that you are an imposter pulling us all along. I told her there are some serious posts, are there?, that you couldn't have written without a knowledge of the difficult process of losing weight. We listened to your interview with Sean Anderson, just so I could you were real! :)

  19. I would honestly purchase these!!! too much lol
    thanks for the laugh...I needed it!

  20. Jack, I thought I'd let you know that I've given you the Honest Scrap award, even though I'm pretty sure, as popular as you are, that it might be the 5,000 time you've gotten it. Just take it as a way of me saying that I really appreciate your blog and the comments that you leave on mine. I feel like we're friends even though I'm just a little drop in the bucket of your admirers. You just have that way with people. So, if you wish, come on over to my blog and pick up your award! :)

  21. What about Happy Halloween Honey! Wonder how much of the kids candy we can steal lol. This was a really great idea. I keep wondering where you come up with such good ideas. Thanks for the laugh.

  22. I think that you really are a secret writer for Hallmark cards. They just haven't listened to you in this one area!

  23. You market this, I am buying....especially the "Happy Easter and sorry I bit the head off your chocolate bunny"....I can't tell you how many times I could have used one of these cards!! Great post!!

  24. How about 'every time I'm in here, your in here eating up all the food'....
    Congrats on moving to a new home son!
    (For 40 year olds living in their mom's

  25. HAHA- do you need a graphic designer to put these together? I'm in!!! It really sounds like I great idea-

  26. I was sitting in my office and was really "LOLing." Really. Not just putting LOL to be a generic blogger. I really was Lauginng-out-loud. People were peeking in, wondering what was wrong with me. My faves are the bacon card, the weigh-in sympathy card, the Red Lobster card, and the "Where is the cake" card. Good job Jack!



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