Monday, September 14, 2009

IM Over You, Beer

(6:47:36 PM) Beer: what’s your danm problum?
(6:59:35 PM) JackSh*t: pls leave me alone
(6:59:51 PM) Beer: what r u doin 2nite?
(7:01:06 PM) JackSh*t: not hanging out with you
(7:02:08 PM) Beer: u used 2 like hanging out wit me
(7:08:10 PM) JackSh*t: I used to melt cheese on corn chips, too
(7:08:36 PM) Beer: I’d be good with that, wouldn’t i?
(7:08:41 PM) JackSh*t: I’m trying to get some work done
(7:08:53 PM) Beer: u kno what else I’m good with? pissa!
(7:09:21 PM) JackSh*t: Pisa?
(7:10:20 PM) Beer: Pissa
(7:10:22 PM) Beer: u know… pissa!
(7:10:24 PM) JackSh*t: Pisa?
(7:10:29 PM) Beer: u know… like paparoni pissa
(7:10:51 PM) JackSh*t: you’re a moron
(7:10:58 PM) Beer: your more a mornon that I R
(7:11:09 PM) JackSh*t: Don’t you have a frat party to go to?
(7:11:13 PM) Beer: PARTAY! PARTAY!
(7:11:14 PM) Beer: We used 2 be BBFs
(7:11:18 PM) JackSh*t: BBFs?
(7:11:23 PM Beer: Best beer friends
(7:11:36 PM) JackSh*t: It’s over
(7:11:38 PM) Beer: That’s the sobriety talking, dude
(7:11:55 PM) Beer: let’s get ripped, juz 4 old tims sake
(7:13:30 PM) JackSh*t: Who’s Old Tim?
(7:13:48 PM) Beer: not funny
(7:13:52 PM) Beer: u r funnier after u have had a few
(7:13:55 PM) Beer: c’mon… just 1 or 2
(7:13:59 PM) Beer: pleez
(7:14:28 PM) JackSh*t: Sorry… I’m having some green tea.
(7:14:39 PM) Beer: I dont even know u anymore
(7:14:43 PM) JackSh*t: Look at this: moderate drinking (2-3 drinks) can result in depleted aerobic capacity and negative impact on endurance for up to 48 hours after the last drink has been consumed
(7:14:45 PM) Beer: that is stopid
(7:14:58 PM) JackSh*t: no, what’s “stopid” is consuming a lot of empty calories
(7:15:13 PM) Beer: empty “fun” calories, u have 2 admit
(7:15:45 PM) JackSh*t: seriously, I’ve got some work to do tonight
(7:15:57 PM) Beer: you know what would help you think?
(7:16:00 PM) Beer: a cold frosty 1
(7:17:34 PM) JackSh*t: I think I’m gonna stick with this yogurt
(7:17:46 PM) Beer: yogurt? gaaaah!
(7:17:49 PM) Beer: I just threw up in my own bottle
(7:19:41 PM) JackSh*t: Do you think I want that beer belly back?
(7:19:56 PM) Beer: chicks dig da beer belly
(7:20:56 PM) JackSh*t: I can’t believe we used to hang out together every night
(7:21:01 PM) JackSh*t: I was such an idiot
(7:21:12 PM) Beer: and u can b an idiot again
(7:21:46 PM) JackSh*t: Look, I’m just really trying to be more healthy, okay?
(7:22:09 PM) Beer: that iz the dumbist thing I have ever hurd
(7:23:27 PM) JackSh*t: It’s not you; it’s me.
(7:24:01 PM) Beer: of course its you… im awsome
(7:25:07 PM) JackSh*t: damn
(7:25:30 PM) Beer: what?
(7:25:41 PM) Beer: whats da matter?
(7:25:43 PM) JackSh*t: Getting another message
(7:25:49 PM) Beer: who iz it?
(7:33:44 PM) JackSh*t: this idiot dude keeps bugging me, but I don’t want anything to do with him
(7:34:00 PM) JackSh*t: what should I do?
(7:43:56 PM) Beer: make up sum excuse, like ur mom is kickin u off or sumthing
(7:44:23 PM) JackSh*t: good idea
(7:44:29 PM) Beer: Me am full of good idears.
(7:44:48 PM) JackSh*t: hey… i have to go
(7:44:58 PM) Beer: why 4?
(7:45:10 PM) JackSh*t: my mom is kicking me off
(7:45:17 PM) JackSh*t: bye
(7:45:58 PM) Beer: come back l8ter, ok?

40 comments:

  1. Hhaah, great post! No beer belly campaign unite! Good work.

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  2. I recently had that same conversation with beer and had to tell him who is boss. He is such a d*ckhead!

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  3. had this same fight with the wine bottle this weekend!

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  4. Yur funny! I want that there story done up about whine and chocolute :)

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  5. Jack, there is a video on You Tube you would LOVE called Party in the Stomach. Maybe this link will work:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dyMfEECm1yE

    Funny!

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  6. Very funny. I was kicking around a similar post - after breaking up with wine a while back, I was left with my husband, some friends, amazing college football, AND a case of ice cold Coors Light. I fell off the wagon BIG TIME, and not even for a GOOD beer! I was drinking like a frat boy!

    So, today is all about pushing the water and doing a huge Last Chance Workout before my weigh in tomorrow. Ugh.

    Great post!

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  7. Dang. This is getting taped up on my fridge. Better yet, on the beer fridge. Yes, we have a beer fridge in my husband's shop! Brutal temptation.

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  8. I have that same conversation with ice cream... lol Too funny. You are VERY funny...

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  9. u r freakin' hilarious. ttyl. ;0)

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  10. Crazy. Kettle Corn sent me the same kind of message.

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  11. I had to do this with chocolate - especially during the first few weeks of my journey.

    If I had had this back then, maybe I could have laughed my way to the produce section instead of crying when I passed the candy aisle!

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  12. You're funny. I can relate. This is me and cheese. I'm glad you're winning. :)

    I tried to reply to your comment to my post in an email but couldn't. What did you do, like read the first two lines of my post only? lol Re-read. I made it quite clear that my friend was paddling the canoe and the dog was swimming behind him. :P

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  13. Hmmmm...lucky for me, I've never liked the taste of beer, but this sounds very similar to a chat I've had with a bottle of wine lately...hmmmmm....

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  14. Nice...

    BTW... they do have those. Its called a 5K!! Run one!!

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  15. great post jack. beer leaves me alone these days, but his buddies, cornbread & butter hound me almost daily.

    some days its almost a chorus of junkfood ghosts wrestling to get back into my grocery cart and back on my hips.

    tell that beer to back off!

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  16. I think when you kicked Beer to the curb, he came and camped out in my fridge!! I'm fighting him off like a trooper, tho'.

    Great post, as usual.

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  17. thanks for the laugh, but in all seriousness, you conquered a big "devil" when you say no day after day! CONGRATS

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  18. I had many alcoholic drinks this weekend for the first time in MONTHS! To some extent I did ween my points throughout the day so I could drink. Not sure how the results may end up...

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  19. That was a great dialogue! Loved it.

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  20. Beer always leads you to his sleazy friends, chips, dip and anything else you can get your hands on.

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  21. Very funny! Beer, alcohol.. not my thing. I had to say good bye to my beloved bagels when the age hormones caught up with me. I was eating 1 per day along with all my great whole grain, really well made breads that have protein & fiber. The bagels, just calories & yummy goodness so banished to once per week at if I get there. I love my healthy breads though so I am lucky there!

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  22. your beer and my chocolate must be closely related... they talk the same sh*t for sure...

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  23. love it! especially the ending haha

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  24. Haha, loved it! And really, you taking the time to right out all the exact times of the IMs was impressive.

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  25. I just loved this one, Mr. Shit.

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  26. Clever, clever, clever... as always! I loved the line, "I just threw up in my own bottle." lol

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  27. Beer is such an obnoxious jerk!

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  28. I just found your site and will be back. You have a great take on weight loss with wonderful humor.

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  29. You are so witty and creative!

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  30. Beer is like a 5th food group to me. I have not had one since May 4. I have since switched to Bloody Mary's once in a while.

    But I must admit it...I miss beer.

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  31. OMG I miss beer!!!! Excellent, excellent post....very funny...you had me giggling all the way through it...and craving a Killian's...thanks a lot Jack. ;)

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  32. LOL I've had that conversation with coffee when I gave up caffeine.

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  33. I have had to give up wine recently-these conversations are ringing bells

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  34. Love it!! very good as always...miss reading you, but I miss beer more...lmao...
    Love,
    Irene

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  35. I can't even tell you the last time I had a beer. Damn. Now I want one.

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  36. Ooooh, how I remember these conversations with Ben & Jerry. Good times.

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  37. I've had similar conversations with Keebler Coconut Deluxe cookies.

    Creative as always.

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  38. I've limited myself to one or two drinks, once or twice a week. I don't like the calories, don't like the buzz (I like very mild buzz, anything more than that makes me queasy and sleepy). Also I just quit cigarettes and drinking is not safe for me around them.

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