Monday, August 31, 2009

Clear Out a Guest Room…


You’re having problems losing this weight, maybe.

Teeter-tottering back and forth on the scale. Small gain this week, small loss next.

Three good days, one bad weekend.

Nothing that allows you to get any traction.

I feel for you; I really do. I read blogs by people who can’t seem to get going with their weight loss efforts, can’t seem to make that spark happen, and it makes me want to go to their house and bang on the flint with ‘em. It makes me want to drop everything and make it my mission to push them… push you… up that hard-to-climb hill.

You know what I’d do?

  • I’d drag you, kicking and screaming if I had to, to the gym every day. “How about an ‘off” day?” you’d cry. “How about a ‘Fat Off’ Day?” I’d respond. I’d find whatever it is that motivates you… kind words, gentle prodding or harsh taunting… and I’d coax a good half hour to 45 minutes out of you. You’d hate me at the end of it, but you’d hate me with a smile on your sweaty mug.
  • I’d fix you stay-at-home dinners that would both intrigue you and fill you up, enough so that you might not have the urge to sneak back to the pantry before bedtime (not that it would matter, since I would have filled a Hefty bag with every processed snack product I could find). I’d insist that we eat slowly and drink lots of water during dinner. I’d remind you that you don’t have to scrape the plate clean. With my cooking, you probably won’t need that much urging.
  • I’d unplug your TV and computer at 10 p.m. or so and shoo you to bed. F*ck the beauty sleep; you need energy sleep.
  • I’d get you up bright and early and feed you a hearty breakfast. “I can’t lose weight eating like this,” you’d protest, and I’d just smile a knowing smile. “Don’t forget the lunch I packed you.” Before you left, I’d take the money out of your wallet because… well, let’s just say I don’t quite trust you yet.
  • We’d go on long walks, you and I. Long, brisk walks. We’d talk about our hopes and dreams, our goals and aspirations, my endless collection of really stupid jokes. Whatever. Important stuff or not. The walking’s the important thing.
  • If you hate your job, I mean really and truly despise it, then I’d plot and plan with you to figure out some way to either make it better for yourself or help you find a new one. You hate your body… that’s enough things to hate for one person at one time.
  • I’d make you so many smoothies you’d start to cringe when you heard the blender fire up, and there’s one question I’d refuse to answer: “What’s in this anyway?”
  • Don’t think I’d be doing this for completely selfless reasons either. One of the reasons I spend so much time on these blogs is that I feed off the spirit of others who are facing (and overcoming) the same hurdles and challenges that I am. We’re all on our own, at the end of the day, but we’re all in this together, too. I draw energy from that idea.
  • And speaking of energy, I’d do everything I could to instill some focus and extra drive in you and we’d attack this problem… and make no mistake about it, my friend, this is a problem that needs to be owned up to and solved. We’d make a plan about eating and we'd make a plan about exercise, and then we'd start doing the hard part: we’d stick to it. This wouldn’t be just about burning calories; it’d be about incinerating them.
  • And then there’s the fun part: I’d walk you up to that weigh-in with certainty and confidence, and I’d high-five you when you rock that scale and console you when it cheated us out of that loss that we so richly deserved.
We could do this, you and I. I’m certain that we could. I have not a doubt in this world.

But I can’t do it with you, right now. There’s too much on my plate at the moment (well, not literally… but you know what I mean). I can’t do it with you right now, but everything I’d do with you, you can do for yourself if you put your mind to it.

I hope you will do it. If you will, I promise you two things: (1) you’ll see results and (2) somewhere, be it just down the street, across the country or around the world, there’s at least one person right there with you, trying their best, working hard at doing what’s right and getting ready to face whatever it is tomorrow will bring.

Let’s do this.

x

71 comments:

  1. Great post! You are very inspiring. I especially need to focus on the parts about getting sleep, and eating slowly...

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  2. ooohhhh...I love this list!

    all these things have contributed to me actually losing again and not re-losing the same 5 lbs over and over again.

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  3. I loved this post! Knowing that your not alone in this hell called 'Weight loss' is comforting and inspiring.

    Your welcome to come kick my a$$ into gear anytime... and I am always available to do the same for you!

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  4. I wish you could be my trainer!

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  5. Good grief, Jack. It's a call to revolution!

    I love this post.

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  6. I'm going downstairs to make myself a hearty breakfast right now, and I'll be hearing a southern drawl in the back of my mind while I do it. Thanks.

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  7. This was just what I needed to hear today. I have been "good" for the past few days, but I didn't realize how hungry I was with all those "nutritious" meals until I binged last night... majorly. I feel terrible today but I won't give up. This list is great. I'm off to make a smoothie hehe =)

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  8. A couple of things in this post hit home. I DO NOT take any money to work with me...I don't trust myself either. And I'd love to go for a walk with you. I bet you'd be better than an iPod.

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  9. This sounds like a reality show waiting to happen. The Jack Sh*t Gettin' Fit Show, where Jack invades the homes of unsuspecting weight loss struggling folks. Spends two weeks with them and whips them into shape---mentally and physically!!

    I like it!

    Love this post.
    My best always
    Sean

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  10. Oh my gosh! These are exactly the things I'm doing to get to my 152 goal by 10-10-09. It's like you got inside my head and wrote down everything I do in a day.

    I agree, if people would do this, they'd definitely see a loss. After all, it's not rocket science, just alot of hard work!

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  11. You are inspiring!! I love the word incinerate! Let's incinerate those calories! This post just totally blows me away. Man, wouldn't it be awesome to have Jack Sh*t working out with us?:)This is also a very touching post about your compassion to help other people. As long as we have you and the other people to encourage us, we're not alone, Jack. Thanks for the encouragement.

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  12. I loved this post so much I'm printing it out and putting it next to my computer screen at work and at home and in my notebook...and anywhere else I can think of.

    LOVE IT LOVE IT LOVE IT!!!!

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  13. Loved this post! I have been blogging since Jan. and when I go back to look at some peoples weight in Jan-and now, you can tell who needs to read this post from you.

    Keep up the great work Jack!

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  14. When you are willing to become a polygamist, look me up. All that stuff is nice but if you are a good babysitter, THAT's ALL I NEED!!!

    (I do think you would disappear late in the night after about 3 days alone with my kids, though...)

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  15. Very very nice post. I do eat like a speed racer. Youve certainly given me something to think about.

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  16. Thank you for this post...it has given me a boost I needed!

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  17. This is an inspirational entry. Where do you get all this ideas? Love it!

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  18. This is a great post. Very helpful in a lot of ways.

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  19. When can I expect you?

    I promise you'll love being my house guest- I'm a great cook and I leave chocolates on the pilows- oh, wait, nevermind...no chocolates allowed!

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  20. By far my favorite post thus far! You are such an inspiration and your last paragraph is so true. There is always someone out there trying just as hard as you are, fighting right along with you.

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  21. Fantastic post - I'm there with you and everyone else!

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  22. Great post! Everything is doable if you do it.

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  23. Let's do this indeed. What an inspiring post.

    I think I've probably been slacking a bit of late. I think you may have just inspired me to try to step things up a little bit more.

    P.S. I'm just catching up on blogs after some crazy work, so running into your whale post right after reading this cracked me up. Sorry to hear about your basketball injury and I hope you feel better soon.

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  24. I had that "Eye of the Tiger" song playing in my head when I read this. Hell. ya.

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  25. Cleaning out snacks with a "Hefty" Bag....Pun intended?

    Cleaning out the guest room - on my list as part of my "downsizing" is reducing clutter. Easier to do now that I'm MOVING instead of sitting on the cough with the TV remote in one hand and the "Binge du jour" in the other.

    Great post as usual!

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  26. just what I needed on a Monday.

    You're right-we are all alone but together at the same time, I'll use that for some extra calorie incinerating fuel!

    I hope you're feeling better and back in the game with us this week.

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  27. I needed this today, oh yes I did.

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  28. Why does this post make me think: "Jack and Jill went up the hill because Jill was overweight and Jack was pushing her to burn a few extra calories"? :)

    But seriously, great post. You have the knack of feeling like a friend to all.

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  29. I add to the plaudits- very inspiring

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  30. You're the kind of person I need to kick me all the way to the gym and away from the fridge. Have you considered becoming a life coach?

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  31. Can i just say...I love you!! lol.
    What an amazing post...thank you :)

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  32. Amen, Brother.

    Please bring your family and come stay a few months!

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  33. I really wish you could move across the street for like a month or two. Just to get my butt in gear. LOL

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  34. I cried like a baby when I read this.
    Thank you Jack, for the first time in months,
    it felt like I wasn't alone.
    BIG HUG!

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  35. You could have an itinerate personal training business! Great post!

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  36. You're hired...and maybe my dominatrix bike should be Mistress Jack. You are kinda bossy you know.

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  37. My guest room just emptied out and I made triple berry bran muffins!

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  38. I get energized from this community, too. I have to remember not to spend my drive all in one place.

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  39. jack,,,,,,,,,,will you marry me?

    lol, kidding,,,

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  40. Awesome post! Very inspiring. It's too bad you can't do that with everyone...

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  41. Look how motivating you can be!

    I love me some Jack feces!

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  42. Gross to the last comment from none other than Candice.

    My guest room is clean, has a queen bed, and its own bathroom. I'll pick you up at the airport. We have unlimited long distance, wireless, satellite TV, a porch with rocking chairs. . . I need you! Please come. (I need the kind, not the kick ass variety words.)

    I think the way you wrote your post is much like what my PhD was trying to tell me about practicing self care. . .stop thinking just do it.

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  43. What an amazing post (but I wish you would quit writing about me!)

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  44. If you stop in here, would you please bring your Vitamix? :)

    Seriously, great post and I can testify that at those times when I just don't wanna {insert healthy task here}envisioning a "success buddy" will pull me through every single time.

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  45. If your plate ever becomes a little less full, let me know so I can take you up on this. However, I'd like to know...is it Anita and Pisa that do this for you on occasion? :-)

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  46. Awe... How sweet! I need a Jack Sh*t of my very own to live with. But since I don't have, I'll just know that you are somewhere in the south, I guess, walking, jogging, lifting weights and wathcing what you eat right along beside me. (Of course it would help if I could find the link to the back side of the blog and get a good picture of you in my mind.)
    ;-) Great post Jack!

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  47. Great post! And you're right. Together, we can all do this. And when we don't think we can or we don't want to, we need to have this post bookmarked as a reminder that we are not alone! Thanks.

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  48. Ditto to all the rest - when do you arrive?

    Seriously, these are great reminders. Especially of the fact that we don't NEED someone else to do it for us, we NEED to take ownership and do it for ourselves. We're worth it.

    Say again: WE ARE WORTH IT, PEOPLE!

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  49. we have a guest room, very comfy bed. I asked Hubs if Jack Sh*t can move in, and he said yes. I'll even buy your plane ticket. :)

    Thanks Jack. yes. we CAN do this. I needed this today.

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  50. I bought 1000 TC sheets when they were on sale on Black Friday last year and keep one set just for the guest room.

    They're freshly laundered and waiting for the next lucky sleeper...

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  51. Fine Jack, I'll do whatever you say, now let me out of the box.
    *nice post*
    Chris

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  52. You would love Colorado. The low humidity makes for very nice long walks.

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  53. I appreciate your post. I will be thinking of you out there doing the same things when I go to the gym tomorrow. Thanks for the inspiration!

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  54. I needed this, thanks for the post..... I just need a sitter....

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  55. I mentioned your post as inspiration in my post today- I hope that's okay- if not let me know! thanks!

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  56. Hey there JS!

    first time commenting here-just wanted to say thanks for the extra inspiration today, just what I needed!

    Julie :)

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  57. It's beautiful in Philly right now! Guest room is clean and ready. Let me know when your flight is scheduled.

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  58. awesome post.. lol @ F*ck the beauty sleep; you need energy sleep... just for that I'm going to bed early tonight. Hope you have a good week.

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  59. My guest room is ready. We're practically neighbors already, so get your a$$ over here. :)

    Incinerating calories....I love that phrase...love it. :)

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  60. Thanks - I'm out for a hike now!

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  61. Too bad! for a brief minute I was fantasizing about having you move in with me and make me do all these amazing things! sigh-I supposed I will have to take responsibility for them on my own. It's just so much more easier if i have someone beating me over the head to make me do them!

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  62. I thumbs up'd it! I think this post was directed at me ! LOL

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