Saturday, August 15, 2009

Things I’ve Said to My Scale

I seem to have a love/hate relationship with my scale. Some weeks she's my BFF; other weeks she's an SOB. Come to think of it, that's the same relationship I have with just about everybody...

Here's some of the sh*t I either lovingly croon or crudely bark at my scale when I weight in...
  • “Good morning, b*tchface.”
  • “THAT’s what I’m TALKIN’ about!”
  • “You have got to be sh*ttin’ me.”
  • “Who’s your daddy?”
  • “F*ck a duck!”
  • “Wild Thing, I think I love you…”
  • “Kiss my fat *ss!”
  • “You’ve just made me the happiest man in the whole wide world.”
  • “Oh, you f*ckin’ wh*re!”
  • “You are my Lovey Baby Bubby Boo. Yes you are…”
  • “Rat b*stard!”
  • “You're my love monkey!”
  • “I can't believe you just did that to me, f*cktard!”
  • “I can't believe you just did that to me, beautiful!”
  • “Sh*t on a stick!”
  • “I’m King of the World!”
  • “What the f*ck?”
  • “I’ve got sunshine…on a cloudy day… when it’s cold outside…”
  • “Dingleberries!”
What did you say to your scale this week?


  1. Is this a joke?
    Does this thing work?

  2. I blame humidity if the scale is off... obviously the spring is effected right?

    What about Barometric Pressure, that's got to be a factor too.

    I could be retaining a bit of water, or my hair and nails grew...

    Wait, it's these clothes! They are heavy! Or damp.

    And remember after all, having an abusive relationship with your scale is just the foolsfitness way!- Alan

  3. This comment has been removed by the author.

  4. which is why I've adopted the name "Bi-polar lovah" from my friend Lisa. it's so true!

    Today, mine is my "Lovey Baby Bubby Boo" :)

  5. Always great & fun too read!!!! I am with #3! I know that scale deviates a lot for me within 3-4 pounds in a day sometimes so I know this about my bod BUT I still say #3!!!!

  6. If it's on then it's my Bubba Beast, if not then it's a Stinky F*ck Stick!

  7. My scale is having trouble going below 200....maybe it is broken and I need a new one....?? Or....yeah..ok...FINE...I am going to the gym RIGHT NOW!

  8. HA HA F*ck a Duck
    I KNEW I wasn't the only person who said that. Ahhh, Whoopie Goldberg in Jumping Jack Flash is where I got it from many, many years ago.

    Ah hell, now I feel old.

  9. Thank you! You say the nicest things!

  10. I said....that's what the stomach flu will get you, a three pound loss, take that mo fo.

  11. my EX-scale is rusting in the bottom of dumspter outside my apartment bld. poor poor scale! *sniff sniff*

  12. Ha! I've said some of those exact same things to my own scale. It's really a hate/love relationship. :)

  13. Thats the best top 10 ever! Pretty sure I've said each and every one!

  14. It's generally "You've got to be freaking kidding me! GRRR..." or "You've gotta be freakin' kiddin' me! Beautiful!" It's all in the tone of voice and whether or not it comes with a mean muggin' and a kick across the room.

  15. BTW... Can't wait for weigh day tomorrwo. Oh, and, you were right. CiCi's Pizza Buffet for dinner tonight. BAD IDEA what with weigh day being tomorrow. That stinkin' family of mine... (I may have to move it to Saturday morning.)

  16. Right before I kicked it to the curb,
    I thought my scale said to me
    "OK, now its my turn to squish YOU! Biotch!"

  17. It would be inappropriate for me to tell you what I said to my scale this week. :)

  18. Yeppers, said most of those, or something along those lines.

  19. I think it would have to be "Bat Rastard, I think I hate you" as I stood on them this week! You get a different reading depending on which part of the floor they are on and it can vary up to 6lb...

  20. This week " I love you, ya ya ya" but last week was more like "What have you done for me lately?"


  21. LOVE always make me Laugh Out Loud!!!
    and then people look at me

  22. you hate me too?
    the second reply was a consistant bad number.

  23. SWEET LINCOLNS MULLET! Btw... your blog is hilarious. Love it.

  24. I've been known to say, "Give it to Momma" on more than one occasion!

  25. No F*cking Way!

    You are such a liar!

    You have GOT to be broken.
    :shake: :shake: :shake:
    You are broken, aren't you?

  26. I have 3 scales because I didn't believe the first or second one.

  27. I cry tears of rage when on my scale

  28. I usually say "Are you kidding me!"..... this week it was "WTF is wrong with you"....going out to buy a new scale later.... I think there is something wrong with it!!! :)

  29. F*ck balls! (said behind her back. I didn't go last week...tomorrow is my new weeks starting point. We will see what I will say...but whatever it is I will say it to his face!)

  30. mine last week was

    "Please be kind, else i'll stand on you all day"

  31. I think this thing needs new batteries!

  32. LOL!

    P.S. You have an award on my blog!



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