More Weight Loss Nursery Rhymes

Jack Jacob Jingleblogger Sh*t
Jack Jacob Jingleblogger Sh*t,
His blog name is my name too.
Whenever he drops a pound,
The people make this sound,
They say “Congrats, Jack Jacob Jingleblogger Sh*t!”

Mix a Shake, Mix a Shake
Mix a shake, Mix a shake, Smoothie man.
Mix me a smoothie as fast as you can;
Frozen fruit, OJ and some extra flax seed.
And put it in the blender for Baby and me.

Three Blimp Mice
Three blimp mice, three blimp mice,
See how they eat, see how they eat.
They all ran after the farmer's chow,
The food from his wife and his pig and his cow.
They’re thinking of joining Weight Watchers now.
These three blimp mice.

Mary Had a Little Limb
Mary had a little limb,
It was as weak as water.
That’s because she wouldn’t work out
The way that Mary oughta.

Mary went to the gym one day
To see what weights would gain her.
She didn’t know just what to do,
So she hired a personal trainer.

Six months later, things have changed,
And you should see Mary flex.
No one who’s been around her now,
Calls her the “weaker sex.”

Little No Sleep
Little Bo Peep has lost her sleep,
And doesn't know where to find it.
She’ll stay online hours at a time,
Maybe that’s the cause behind it.

Old King Carb
Old King Carb was a meaty old dude,
And a meaty old dude was he.
He called for his beef,
And he called for his ham,
And he called for his boiled eggs three.

“By my curly feet, that’s a whole lotta meat,”
Proclaimed the king’s small jester Paul.
“It’s not great for your heart, so if you’re smart,
You’ll start watching your cholesterol.”

Hickory Dickory Hog
Hickory dickory hog,
The mouse wrote a weight loss blog.
In his weigh-in post,
He lost an ounce (at most)
Maybe that’s why he doesn’t have any followers.

Mary, Mary, Quite Contrary
Mary, Mary, quite contrary,
How do you stay so thin?
You eat like a pig, drink like a fish
And you’re the size of a violin.

Little Miss Tooter
Little Miss Tooter, sat at her ‘puter
Researching “curds and whey.”
Google said that,
They are really hi-fat,
And that scared Miss Tooter away.

Fattycat, Fattycat
“Fattycat, Fattycat, where have you been?”
“I've been up to London to visit the Queen.”
“Fattycat, Fattycat, why back so soon?”
“She made me do Zumba each afternoon!”
“ME-OWWWW!"

Star Light, Star Bright
Star light, star bright,
First comment I see tonight.
I wish I may, I wish I might,
Get ten more comments tonight.