Friday, August 7, 2009

More Weight Loss Nursery Rhymes

Jack Jacob Jingleblogger Sh*t
Jack Jacob Jingleblogger Sh*t,
His blog name is my name too.
Whenever he drops a pound,
The people make this sound,
They say “Congrats, Jack Jacob Jingleblogger Sh*t!”

Mix a Shake, Mix a Shake
Mix a shake, Mix a shake, Smoothie man.
Mix me a smoothie as fast as you can;
Frozen fruit, OJ and some extra flax seed.
And put it in the blender for Baby and me.

Three Blimp Mice
Three blimp mice, three blimp mice,
See how they eat, see how they eat.
They all ran after the farmer's chow,
The food from his wife and his pig and his cow.
They’re thinking of joining Weight Watchers now.
These three blimp mice.

Mary Had a Little Limb
Mary had a little limb,
It was as weak as water.
That’s because she wouldn’t work out
The way that Mary oughta.

Mary went to the gym one day
To see what weights would gain her.
She didn’t know just what to do,
So she hired a personal trainer.

Six months later, things have changed,
And you should see Mary flex.
No one who’s been around her now,
Calls her the “weaker sex.”

Little No Sleep
Little Bo Peep has lost her sleep,
And doesn't know where to find it.
She’ll stay online hours at a time,
Maybe that’s the cause behind it.

Old King Carb
Old King Carb was a meaty old dude,
And a meaty old dude was he.
He called for his beef,
And he called for his ham,
And he called for his boiled eggs three.

“By my curly feet, that’s a whole lotta meat,”
Proclaimed the king’s small jester Paul.
“It’s not great for your heart, so if you’re smart,
You’ll start watching your cholesterol.”

Hickory Dickory Hog
Hickory dickory hog,
The mouse wrote a weight loss blog.
In his weigh-in post,
He lost an ounce (at most)
Maybe that’s why he doesn’t have any followers.

Mary, Mary, Quite Contrary
Mary, Mary, quite contrary,
How do you stay so thin?
You eat like a pig, drink like a fish
And you’re the size of a violin.

Little Miss Tooter
Little Miss Tooter, sat at her ‘puter
Researching “curds and whey.”
Google said that,
They are really hi-fat,
And that scared Miss Tooter away.

Fattycat, Fattycat
“Fattycat, Fattycat, where have you been?”
“I've been up to London to visit the Queen.”
“Fattycat, Fattycat, why back so soon?”
“She made me do Zumba each afternoon!”

Star Light, Star Bright
Star light, star bright,
First comment I see tonight.
I wish I may, I wish I might,
Get ten more comments tonight.


  1. These are genius! Thanks for a much-needed laugh today!

  2. I love Fatty Cat! :) You have a true talent. That is going to run through my head when I try Zumba next!

  3. Mary had a little limb? Snort! Go Mary!

    You crack me up!

  4. Such a are so awesome Jack...stop by my blog and see the good news today. :)

  5. Fattycat, fattycat, why you eat dat? Happy Friday Jack!

  6. I want to be Mary, Mary Quite Contrary!

  7. Hickory Hog is a slacker, Jack! Where's Patty Cake, Patty Cake?

  8. Love Star Light Star Bright, just thougt it needed a kitteh's touch ;) Check it out @

  9. Your creativity is endless! I am jealous.

  10. We are always shamelessly pawning off of you Jack!! We SO love your site! Couldn't make through the day without a Sh*tism!!!
    Keep up the awesomeness!! You ROCK my friend!

  11. The nursery rhymes are absolutely the best!

  12. Impressive that you found a good way to rhyme 'cholesterol'. ;)

    Thanks for the laugh!

  13. Simply wonderful, as always. Thanks for the laugh today!!

  14. Seriously, when you become a famous published author - or some "suit" from a studio decides to make a movie based on your blog - please remember all the little people!

    Great post!

  15. Nice work my friend. I have a feeling you don't consider it work. You're a natural.

    My best always

  16. youre the best, can always count on you for a giggle!! I loved Old King Carb!

  17. Always so clever! I like "Mary Had a Little Limb" best. :-D

    By the way, thanks for following my blog.

  18. LOL how you keep this stuff up is beyond me, but please don't ever stop :D

  19. I'm loving those Blimp Mice. Did they eat the cow? LOL

  20. Ha! I actually laughed out loud at a few of those. Well done as usual, Jack. :)

  21. This comment has been removed by the author.

  22. Too friggin funny!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have to say that Little Miss Tooter sounds like someone very near & dear to me who eats so very healthy with lots of veggies & fiber & such has an "air" about her that is so, well shall we say, profound. Hey, are you looking at me.. how dare you! :-)

  23. Your blog cracks me the hell up! That is all.


  24. Lmao!

    You sir, are a truly talented individual! :)

  25. Awesome poems! I'll have to save 'em for my kids!

  26. You are consistently funny! Can I bottle up your humor and save it for one of my not so giggly days?


    and sneaking in there first with your witty comments too.

    *shakes fist*

  28. Jack Jacob Jingleblogger Sh*t is by far the best..

    3 blimp mice a near second.

    Jack, you slay me.

  29. I can always count on you for a laugh!

  30. Hey Jack

    Good ones. Just to prove that great minds think alike, I've been doing some fractured tales on my blog. Already posted is The Whizzer of Oz, and Goldilocks. The next one - ready to go, is "Mary Had a Little Flab". Here's the preview:

    Mary had a little flab
    That jiggled all around
    And everywhere that Mary went
    Her little flab was found

    It went with her to work each day
    And though it tried to hide
    When Mary sat upon her chair
    Her flab hung down each side.

    Don't be a chubby Mary
    Leave the muffins on the plate
    Get yourself some greens instead
    And shake off all that weight



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