More, More, More Weight-Loss Nursery Rhymes

Jack be Nimble

Jack, be nimble,

Jack run quick.

Jack, run lots

To be less thick. 

Jack jump high

Jack jump higher.

A loss on the scale-

Dude’s on fire!

Please Veggies Hot

Please veggies hot, 

Please veggies cold,

Please veggies on my plate,

Glory to behold.

Some like ‘em hot, 

Some like ‘em cold.

I’ll eat ‘em all unless 

They’re nine days old.

Healthyblog

Healthyblog, Healthyblog,

Keep on keeping on,

Metabolism’s on fire

And your excuses are gone.

Not-So-Simple Simon

Simple Simon met a pieman,

When he was at the mall.

Says Simple Simon to the pieman,

“I’ll take an extra small.”

Says the pieman to Simple Simon,

“You can supersize it for a 25¢ charge.”

Says Simple Simon to the pieman,

“How do you think I got so large?”

A Few More Weight Loss Nursery Rhymes

Pussy Jack, Pussy Jack

Pussy Jack, Pussy Jack, why you so weak?”
“Hey, I’m back in the gym to improve my physique.”
“Pussy Jack, Pussy Jack, can’t you lift more than that?”
“Spot me – I’m going for twelve and a half!”
“OWWWWW!”

Sing a Song of Six Pounds

Sing a song of six pounds,

A loss upon the scale
.
Four and twenty workouts
.
That plus eating well.
When the month was over,

The results could not be clearer
.
Isn’t that a fitter dude

He sees there in the mirror?

Frère Jack Sh*t



Are you eating?

Are you eating?

Blogger Jack.
Blogger Jack.



Weigh-in day is coming.
Weigh-in day is coming.

Dumb ding-dong.
Dumb ding-dong..


More, More, More Weight Loss Nursery Rhymes

It's Raining, It's Pouring

I’m struggling, I’m aching.
My weight loss plan’s stagnating.
I ate too much,
I feel like sludge.
My future I’m forsaking.

I’m peaking, improving.
I’ve got my poor bod moving.
I’m eating right,
My pant’s less tight.
Bad habit’s I am losing.


Lucy Losing’s Been Reducing 

Lucy Losing’s been reducing.
Jackie Sh*t has not been.

Lucy’s head is held up high,
While Jack’s still got a triple chin.


Yesterday Upon the Scale




Yesterday upon the scale 

I saw a weight that make me wail.

And so I changed the things I do.
Today I saw a loss. Woo hoo!




This Little Piggy Went To Market




This little piggy

Went to market
.
This little piggy

Shopped smart. 

This little piggy

Looked at junk food.
This little piggy

Said "No!"
And this little piggy cried,

"Wee, wee, wee, wee, 
I ain’t no piggy no mo.”

Run-A-Mile, Run-A-Mile

Run-a-mile, run-a-mile joggin’ man.
Run me a mile as fast as you can.
Run it and log it, even if it made you retch
And when it’s all over, don’t forget to stretch.


Fair-a Jack Sh*t



Are you eating?

Are you eating?

Brother Jack
Brother Jack

Weigh-in Day is coming
.
Weigh-in Day is coming

.

Dumb Ding-Dong.

Dumb Ding-Dong.


Peter Popper

Peter Popper popped a pack of Dr. Pepper;

A pack of Dr. Pepper Peter Popper popped;.
Cuz Peter Popper popped a pack of Dr. Pepper 

Peter Popper found that he had consumed 900 empty calories without abating his hunger whatsoever.

THE DAILY SCALEY

One, two, three, four... I lost an ounce or more.

Five, six, seven, eight... left those French fries on my plate.

Betty Botter

Betty Botter bought some butter,
But, she said, I should be better.
If I put this in my batter,
It will make my booty bigger.
I should not be a butter biter.
I should cook with something lighter.
So, she went light on the butter.
Better food she tried to feed ‘er.
Tried to treat her body better,
And her fanny got more fitter.
So, ‘twas better Betty Botter
Bought herself a better body.

If you like this (and really... what's not to like?), then you definitely need to skedaddle on over to check out my new collection of healthy living-inspired nursery rhymes at the Anytime Health site.

Weight Loss Nursery Rhymes

Jack and Jill
Jill and Jack
Went to Donut Shack,
To fetch a dozen crullers.
Chocolate supreme
All loaded with crème,
In all assorted colors.

Jill watched Jack
Have a heart attack,
And went to dial 9-1-1.
But before the call,
She stopped in the hall
To finish her cinnamon bun.

Jack and Jill
Went to the hospital,
Where he had an operation.
After his brush with fate,
Now they’re watching their weight
And eat in moderation.

Georgie Porgie
Georgie Porgie, puddin' and pie,
Eats all kinds of cheaties instead of his Wheaties.
Was anybody shocked when he went to the doc,
And diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes?

Humpty Dumpty
Humpty Dumpty weighed 328.
Humpty Dumpty was way overweight.
All the king's horses and all the king's men
Couldn't pull Humpty away from his plate.

Humpty Dumpty joined Weight Watchers one day.
Humpty Dumpty decided to stay.
Now all the king’s horses and all the king’s men
Couldn’t pull ol’ Humpty Dumpty away.

Humpty Dumpty, sticking to plan,
Has lost 50 pounds since his diet began.
All the king’s horses and all the king’s men
Can’t believe Humpty is quite the same man.

Goosey Goosey Goose
Goosey Goosey Goose, always making some excuse.
“I’m too tired, I’m too sore, I can’t work out anymore.
I’ve got houseguests, I’ve got a job, my kids are underfoot.”
And then doesn’t understand it when all the pounds stay put.

Froggy Went A-Countin’
Froggy went a-countin’
And he did diet (Uh-hmm, Uh-hmm)
Froggy went a-countin’
And he did diet (Uh-hmm, Uh-hmm)
Froggy went a-countin’ and he did diet
Too many points and he wouldn’t try it.
Froggy went a-countin’
And he did diet (Uh-hmm, Uh-hmm)

Peter Peter
Peter Peter Low Carb eater,
Low Carb blogger. Low Carb tweeter.
Peter Peter, what is your problem
That makes you such a Low Carb snob, hmm?

Twinkle Twinkle
Twinkle twinkle, Body Bugg,
Clinging to my arm, so snug.
Like an iPod, only dumber,
Keep me walking all through summer.
Twinkle twinkle, Body Bugg,
(Where’d I put that stupid plug?)

Blog Blog Jack Sh*t
Blog blog Jack Sh*t, have you any posts?
Yes sir, yes sir, I’ve got your daily dose.
One that’s pretty stupid, one that’s not-so-great,
And one to help the people who’re trying to lose some weight.
Blog blog Jack Sh*t, why are your posts so weird?
Cuz I’m feeling giddy now that pounds have disappeared.

Even More Weight Loss Nursery Rhymes

The Itsy Bitsy Dieter
The itsy bitsy dieter was at one time extra stout.
Down came his scale from eating less and working out.
Out came a smile and now he’s feelin’ great,
Cuz the itsy bitsy dieter did something ‘bout his weight.

All My Weight (Is Falling Down)
All my weight is falling down,

Falling down, falling down,

All my weight is falling down,
My fat body.



Loaded up on chips and beer,
Chips and beer, chips and beer,
Loaded up on chips and beer.
My poor body

Chips and beer will pack on pounds,
Pack on pounds, pack on pounds,
Chips and beer will pack on pounds
My big body. 



Putting less food on my plate,
On my plate, on my plate.
Putting less food on my plate.
My slimming body.

Build it up with lunges and squats,
Lunges and squats, lunges and squats
Build it up with lunges and squats,
My fit body.


Diddle Diddle Dumbass
Diddle, diddle, dumbass, look at Jack,
Lost weight and won't gain it back.
Exercise and a healthy snack.
Diddle, diddle, dumbass, way to go, Jack!

More Weight Loss Nursery Rhymes

Jack Jacob Jingleblogger Sh*t
Jack Jacob Jingleblogger Sh*t,
His blog name is my name too.
Whenever he drops a pound,
The people make this sound,
They say “Congrats, Jack Jacob Jingleblogger Sh*t!”

Mix a Shake, Mix a Shake
Mix a shake, Mix a shake, Smoothie man.
Mix me a smoothie as fast as you can;
Frozen fruit, OJ and some extra flax seed.
And put it in the blender for Baby and me.

Three Blimp Mice
Three blimp mice, three blimp mice,
See how they eat, see how they eat.
They all ran after the farmer's chow,
The food from his wife and his pig and his cow.
They’re thinking of joining Weight Watchers now.
These three blimp mice.

Mary Had a Little Limb
Mary had a little limb,
It was as weak as water.
That’s because she wouldn’t work out
The way that Mary oughta.

Mary went to the gym one day
To see what weights would gain her.
She didn’t know just what to do,
So she hired a personal trainer.

Six months later, things have changed,
And you should see Mary flex.
No one who’s been around her now,
Calls her the “weaker sex.”

Little No Sleep
Little Bo Peep has lost her sleep,
And doesn't know where to find it.
She’ll stay online hours at a time,
Maybe that’s the cause behind it.

Old King Carb
Old King Carb was a meaty old dude,
And a meaty old dude was he.
He called for his beef,
And he called for his ham,
And he called for his boiled eggs three.

“By my curly feet, that’s a whole lotta meat,”
Proclaimed the king’s small jester Paul.
“It’s not great for your heart, so if you’re smart,
You’ll start watching your cholesterol.”

Hickory Dickory Hog
Hickory dickory hog,
The mouse wrote a weight loss blog.
In his weigh-in post,
He lost an ounce (at most)
Maybe that’s why he doesn’t have any followers.

Mary, Mary, Quite Contrary
Mary, Mary, quite contrary,
How do you stay so thin?
You eat like a pig, drink like a fish
And you’re the size of a violin.

Little Miss Tooter
Little Miss Tooter, sat at her ‘puter
Researching “curds and whey.”
Google said that,
They are really hi-fat,
And that scared Miss Tooter away.

Fattycat, Fattycat
“Fattycat, Fattycat, where have you been?”
“I've been up to London to visit the Queen.”
“Fattycat, Fattycat, why back so soon?”
“She made me do Zumba each afternoon!”
“ME-OWWWW!"

Star Light, Star Bright
Star light, star bright,
First comment I see tonight.
I wish I may, I wish I might,
Get ten more comments tonight.