Thursday, August 27, 2009

The Raven-ous (A Repeat)

During my recent audio interview with Sean Anderson, he threw out a question about what post I'd written had been my personal favorite.

This was it, and unfortunately it ran on a Saturday (before I came to realize that Saturdays were where blogs go to die). Because I mentioned it in the interview, here it is one more time:

Once upon a morning fleeting, I was pondering what I was eating,
Logging in my early meal’s caloric score
I was finally able to finagle, how many carbs were in that bagel,
When suddenly there came a rapping, rapping on my kitchen door.
“'Tis my wife,” I softly muttered. “Returning from the grocery store.
Only this, and nothing more.”

I put down my bread (unbuttered), “Honey, is that you?” I uttered,
“Do you need some help with the groceries that you purchased at the store?”
Then a awful chill shot through me, when it suddenly came to me
That this rapping wasn’t from my spouse returning from the store.
In the window was the blackest, fattest bird I’ve seen before,
And he chirped out: “Eat some more.”

I gazed down at my morning spread, which had not left me well-fed.
“Sir,” said I, “or Madam, truly your forgiveness I implore;
But the fact is I’m on a diet, (and it appears that you should try it),
And so faintly you came tapping, tapping at my kitchen door.
Are you some mysterious beast that came from mythological lore?”
Quoth the raven: “Eat some more.”

So I flung open the pantry wide, to find the delicious food inside,
I grabbed cookies, cakes and crackers, then I scoured the shelves for more
Pop-Tarts, pretzels filled my arms: half a box of Lucky Charms,
I laid it all out on the table, rich and tasty snacks galore.
And perched at the window, just beside the kitchen door,
Laughed the raven: “Eat some more.”

Then this ebony bird beguiling (I could swear that he was smiling),
As he stared upon the table laden down with foodstuffs by the score
How did my morning meal turn into something so surreal?
Ghastly grim and ancient raven wandering from the nightly shore -
Tell me why you want me eating, why do you put my will to war?
Quoth the raven, “Eat some more.”

Well, that devil, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting
Sitting patiently and waiting right beside my kitchen door;
And he wants to see me cheating, only happy when I’m eating
And he’ll always be beside me no matter how much I ignore.
But my heart and soul are stronger than they’ve ever been before
And I shall be tempted - Nevermore!

apologies to Edgar Allen Poe (damn, I'm having to apologize to everybody this week)


  1. How appropriate I am feeling rather ravenous as I read it!

    Thanks for all the Memphis recommendations! I've enjoyed my time here but am ready to be home! Besides, I'll be back here in November!

  2. Brilliant!

    Quote the reader, "Write some more."

  3. This is one of the first posts I read of yours - or anyone's!
    It's one reason I was inspired to blog!

  4. This is great! Thanks for taking some classics and making them fit! You truly are amazing, and this made me realize that it is that voice in your head squawking out "Eat Some More!"...

  5. Finally lyrics I know. Loved this poem in college when we studied it...actually was thinking about searching your blog for your favorite post when you mentioned it in your it's nice to see it here. Anyway...I really like this too. I like how you ended on a positive note to get past the food temptation.
    You're a great encourager. I hope the rest of us encourage you too. So glad to have found your blog.

  6. Great idea to re-post. One of my favorites too.
    Perfectly brilliant.

  7. Ooh, I LOVE this! Very witty, my friend.

    Though I wish you had been able to squeeze in the word "quaff," which was featured in Poe's original and is quite possibly one of the most amazing words ever. ;)

  8. I quaffed my coffee, and I would have quaffed my muffin, too, but I had to chew it. That sounds so indecent.

  9. Are you sure you don't know Jack Sh*t? cause that was pretty good.

  10. This is awesome! But I think your raven flew to my house. Can you kindly call it back home to you?

  11. I listened to your interview with Sean the night he uploaded it. I'm such a geek/fan and you did an awesome job!!

    Great re-post. You my friend, are very talented. cheers to you!

  12. Brilliant! I've been enjoying your writing so much but haven't made it through all the archives, so I'm very glad you re-posted this gem.

    Thanks for writing!

  13. How do you have the time to come up to these!

  14. Perfect poem! Nicely written.
    In fact, this is the first time i see something quite like it.

    Keep blogging!

  15. Once again, just completely awesome!

  16. now this is one worth repeating, and *ahem* putting onto a hardcopy,,,lol.

  17. I wish that I could join you waning,
    My momentous bottom, I’m sustaining
    sitting on my kitchen floor,
    leaning against the cupboard door,
    oh eating chocolate, I abhor
    my weight knocking on the door
    .....knock, knock, knocking on my kitchen door

  18. brilliant. I love that poem anyway. This must be a good outlet for your ideas. I can't imagine what would happen if you kept all this stuff in your brain. could get ugly.

  19. That's pretty awesome. I loved the interview, BTW. You didn't sound like a hillbilly -- but I definitely have a good idea as to where Jack Sh*t was raised.

  20. its so true- life doesnt go away. You just have to develop strategies to make different choices.
    Great poem and I will find it really helpful

  21. Brilliant! That was my first reaction. I see 3 others thought the same. Keep 'em coming.

  22. Oh, that's genius! I love me some Edgar Allen Poe, but I don't think you need to apologize. Glad you reposted this 'cause I didn't see it the first time.

  23. Ba ha ha ha ha ha ha! You're a Poe-Poet-and-you-know-it

  24. Sean's interview turned me on to your blog. Now I'm a follower. This was great! I've always loved Poe. Got to get through the rest of your blogs. I think I saw where you had to apologize to the Beatles, and I'm a huge fan! And no, you did not sound like a hillbilly. But I'm from Texas, transplanted to Oklahoma. So what do I know. Yee-haw!

  25. Oh my gosh- so brilliant!

    Stop posting this awesome shit on Saturdays, lol.

  26. I think the Raven is your best too!

  27. I didn't get to see it the first glad you re-posted! What an amazing talent you are. :)

  28. Wow. You capture temptation's lurking and beguiling very well here!



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