Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Tuesdays with Doctor Geoff...

That, Doctor Geoff. He loves him some Jack Sh*t, Gettin’ Fit, and he’s back trying to get me to join his Wellsphere HealthBlogger Network. He’s a persistant devil, I’ll give him that.

Geoffrey Rutledge, MD, PhD
to me

Hi ,

I just wanted to follow up on the invitation I sent you to be a featured blogger on Wellsphere.com. I was impressed with your blog at http://jackfit.blogspot.com/, and invited you to be a featured blogger in the new Weight Loss community. We would republish from your blog the articles you are already posting, so there is nothing you have to do but say yes. We will also promote your blog in our new dynamic, magazine-like WellPages (with no extra work for you)! If you're interested in being featured and promoting your blog to the Wellsphere audience (now nearly 6 million visitors per month, and growing), please drop me an email, or you can begin right away by signing up at http://www.wellsphere.com/bloggerSignUp.s?email=jacksh.tgettinfit@gmail.com.

Good Health!

My reply:

Hey Doctor Geoff,

Congratulations! Apparently your HealthBloggy network has gained an even 1,000,000 visitors per month since our last conversation last week. That’s super-duper impressive. Hey, did you know I just hit 300 Followers? That’s impressive, too, don’t you think? What a team we make!

You know how I know you’re a real doctor, Doctor Geoff? You didn’t answer any of my questions from my previous letter. My regular doc doesn’t listen either. I’ll be like “What’s this big thing growing on my foot?” and he’ll be like “Your bad cholesterol is too bad.” Of course it’s too bad… it’s bad cholesterol. “Bad” is in it’s name, dumbass.

I’m intrigued by the fact that you’re willing to promote JSGF in your new dynamic, magazine-like WellPages (especially since it’s no extra work for me… how well you know me, Doctor Geoff!). I would ask you if WellPages is a magazine or is just magazine-like, but I know now that you don’t do so great with questions.

So anyway, I’m about ready to switch over from the newly formed Wellsh*t BlogHealther Network to the Wellsphere HealthBlogger Network. All I need now is your personal assurance that the following demands will be met…

  • Whenever I come for a visit at Wellsphere HealthBlogger Network world headquarters, I must get a private office with a small refrigerator stocked with ice-cold guava juice and I must be allowed to make as many long-distance prank phone calls as I like.
  • My followers must each be given $10 and a gift certificate for a free movie rental at Blockbuster to ease their frustration during what is sure to be a difficult transition period.
  • While we’re on tour, I get to ride shotgun at all times (even when I’m driving).
  • Whenever you refer to me among friends, family and business associates, it must be as “Jack Sh*t, my BFF.”
  • I reserve the right to “drunk blog” at least once a week.
  • I’m going to need that Wellsphere HealthBlogger Network t-shirt (sized XL) ASAP.
  • I also want you to sign up my good friend Poppy Love and his blog (“The Anti-Tony”) before I’ll even consider moving forward with this venture.
  • The toy motorcycle for the “Jack Sh*t” action figure must include a sidecar for the optional “Pisa Sh*t” figure (if possible, please put a tree frog on Pisa’s t-shirt).

Doctor Geoff, you know that you’re a personal hero of mine, and I can’t wait to get rolling on the HealthBlogger Network. As soon as I hear back on my demands, we can start giving your readership the sh*t they want, need and truly deserve!

Your BFF,

Jack Sh*t
Jack Sh*t, Gettin’ Fit
Proud Member of the WellSh*t BlogHealther Network


  1. Ugh, I'm trying to get out of that. Long long ago the guy emailed me persistently until I gave up. Turns out they now just take every post I write and slap it on their pages. Oh hell no.

  2. You are the funniest dude out there! :)

  3. I think we should all ask for the right to drunk blog at least once a week. Oh, wait. I'm already doing that. Never mind!

  4. I just read this whole post to my fiance and we laughed our collective asses off. I also *just* realized that your daughter isn't atually named Pisa, it is a joke- a play on words.

    Damn, how I feel my blondeness on days like these.

  5. Yeah sure, you'll give up your wonderful content for free...dumb *sses.

    Oh Wait! Is he paying you?!??!?! That might change everything.

    Not :D

  6. Jess, I'm telling my wife Anita that you made fun of her daughter's name.

  7. This had me laughing so hard, especially the part about the tree on the t shirt

  8. Once a week? You mean the rest of you blog sober???

    I can imagine your humor wearing thin on Dr. Geoff..."Yep, that Jack Sh*t is one funny MF...he sure is! Funny guy...yep."

    Thank you for your comments today. I will be blogging from hell (Georgia) as an imbedded reporter to keep you all up to date.

  9. He's definitely a real doctor!

    Now I gotta go check and see why Fat Daddy is calling my home Hell! :-)

  10. Poor Dr. Geoff. The trashings and trashing of his Wellsphere are LOL'ing me. Some doctors really don't know Sh*t.

  11. I think Dr. Geoff is really selling the Sh*t/Poppy combo short. It would be like the Bonnie and Clyde of the Wellsphere!

    Wait, Bonnie is a girl. Maybe like the Clyde/Clyde combo!

  12. What I don't think you're considering is that if you sign up with them, you get to converse with Dr. G. a lot. Like, every single week. Week after week after every single freaking week.

    To be fair, I've e-met some nice people who found my blog through the network, so it's not all bad. If it just wasn't so hokey.

  13. Your demands seem reasonable enough! lol!!! I'll be looking for that $10 blockbuster gift certificate any day now...

  14. Tell that guy to HIT THE ROAD, JACK!
    And dontcha come back no more!

  15. I cant wait to get my free blockbuster rental! Whoo hoo! lol :)

  16. You really are crazy... don't ever change :D

  17. I get to ride shotgun at all times (even when I’m driving).


  18. LMAO...too, too funny. Love ya' Jack. :)

  19. Dr. Geoff emailed me (and the rest of the bloggy world!) too. It certainly isn't as prestigious as the WellSh*tHealthierNetwork, but hey. I signed up. I don't have any big-time sponsors beating my bloggy door down, and I don't mind extra readers. Although I DO like your list of demands. I want an action figure too!!

  20. I just want to know why everything is "dynamic" these days. Somehow, I highly...HIGHLY...doubt that hig blog network is "dynamic". Maybe he has it confused with didactic.

  21. This guy really doesn't know what he's gotten himself into... Funny stuff. And yeah, I just now got the Anita and Pisa joke names.

  22. So how long do you think these Blockbuster deals will take to show up? I've got my eye on a couple that I haven't been able to find decent bootleg copies of yet ... I mean, uhhh ... that are always rented out already. Yeah, that's what I meant.

  23. 300 followers?!?!?!? lets talk about that! holy crap! and, we have the same doctor. ffs, they go to school for 12 years, why cant they listen to a sentence?

  24. ......can I just say wow! Entertainment at its best right here. Thanks for the morning laugh!

  25. Magazine-like? what is that? Is that like his blog-like blog..not really a blog but a reposting of everyone else's blogs? Maybe the magazine is just taped pages from other magazines...with random cut out printed posts stuck in there somewhere!
    LOL...loved this blog Jack...you always make me laugh, and that's the best way I know how to start the day! Thank you for that!!!

  26. Do you think Dr. Geoff is HMO, PPO or just an SOB? Good luck with your demands! Stay strong.

  27. You should also include a rider that provides that Dr. Geoff will subsidize your rewards. Sell 'em hard.

  28. "I also want you to sign up my good friend Poppy Love and his blog (“The Anti-Tony”) before I’ll even consider moving forward with this venture."

    I would love to read this blog...

  29. I couldn't read your posts while you were gone. It felt weird. So I am just catching up. I've missed you.

    This was a funny one (I got the name puns immediately.)



Related Posts with Thumbnails