Wednesday, February 15, 2012

How to Get More Readers For Your Stupid Blog

Most of the time, I don’t want you to get more readers for your stupid blog because that would leave fewer readers for my stupid blog. But then I came to a sudden realization: you very well might already be at my stupid blog if you’re reading this….

• Use some combination of these words in the title of every post: “10 ways”, “Sex Life”, “Kardashian”, “My Most Shameful Secret”, “Cancer”, “Sexy Sex Sex” “Recipe”, “Celebrity Sex”, “Food Porn”, “S’more Casserole,” “Sex Tricks”, “Get Rich Quick” “Cutest Kitten Ever,” “Giveaway” and “Get More Readers for Your Stupid Blog.”

• Utilize SEO optimization by tagging each post with every word in the English language.

• Consider well-written and insightful content instead of that stuff that you usually do.

• Don’t talk down to your readers, dumbass!

• Save that calligraphy font for wedding invitations, pul-leaze!

• You’d be surprised at how many visitors a $10,000 cash giveaway will generate.

• Honor double coupons.

• Just make sure every post you write is the single greatest piece of writing ever written.

• Use questionable marketing tactics, such as tweeting “Click HERE to learn the SECRETS to getting more TRAFFIC to my BLOG: GUARANTEED!”

• Try topless vlogging.

• Offer to grant three wishes to anyone who subscribes to your RSS feed (need to specify that there’s no wishing for more wishes).


  1. Ummmm, I think topless vlogging would actually drive readers away from my blog.

  2. Damn. You gave away my trick with S’more Casserole. Do you know how many hits that generates? And how many irate comments?

  3. ok I had a snark but then FLORIANA's comment made me giggle.
    topless vlogging is the wave of the monetizing future.
    or so they say.

  4. I would topless blog but my wide screen is set to landscape. I would need to find a way to turn it the other way for anyone to see anything because when you lose 220 pounds you get to see how low the girls can go.

  5. You already tried topless pics didn't you? Maybe bottomless is the way to go?

  6. Too funny...the comments on topless vlogging are just as funny! Amen to those, ladies!!

  7. Readers? We're supposed to have readers? Ah, I knew there was something I was missing about the whole blogging thing!

    Off goes the top and out come the s'mores I guess...

  8. Oh crap, my last comment makes it sounds like I keep s'mores in my bra.

    Not yet, anyway...

  9. It's okay Crabby. If you don't have any toasted marshmallows how else are you supposed to melt the chocolate?

  10. I'll try the topless thing and see how it goes!
    With or without S'mores! THAT is the question.

  11. Topless vlogging...why didn't I think of that?!?!

  12. the single greatest piece of writing ever..every single time? HONK HONK!!!!! No.

  13. OMG - too funny! Topless - won't do much for my readers - nothing there1 ;-)

  14. Topless and s'mores sounds a bit dangerous.

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