Thursday, November 4, 2010

More Phrases You Don’t Want to Hear From Your Doctor…

  •  “Hey, Fatty.”

  • “You’re still alive? Damn, I lost a bet.”
  • “Apparently you’ve suffered an overdose of dulce de leche.”

  • “Bend back over. I think I lost my watch.”

  • “Nurse, can you bring out the industrial scale?”

  • “Well, maybe we can tie two paper gowns together.”

  • “Turns out those ‘diet pills’ you ordered on the internet were really Mexican jumping beans.”

  • “Your bloodwork doesn’t show anything troubling, but your cheesework indicates a lot of problems.”

  • “No, we don’t normally see blood pressure gauges explode like that…”

  •  “I’ve scheduled you a heart attack next Thursday.”

  • “I’m gonna need you to scarf down as many chips and cupcakes as you can and… wake up, wake up. You’re dreaming…”

  • “Can you move your head to the right and the left for me? Good, now can you do that anytime anyone offers you dessert?”

  • “You’ll be fine as long as you quit eating everything you like.”

  • “Your cholesterol… hmmmm, how should I best say this? It sucks.”

  • “In medical terms, your glutius is very maximus.”

  • “How do you feel about giving yourself shots and taking dozens of pills every day?”

  • “Good news! I’m gonna make a lot of money on your case.”


  1. You should hear what the Nurses say!

  2. “You’re still alive? Damn, I lost a bet.”

    OMG that's horrible and awesomely funny at the same time! Makes you wonder though, are they thinking things like this?

  3. gluteus IS maximus!!! hehehe...yeah you gotta wonder what docs are *really* thinking, though I bet they've seen it all! Have a great day, Jack!

  4. It wasn't just a watch either, it was a Garmin GPS. :(

  5. Holy insults, Batman!
    I once had a doctor who spelled out the words verbaly as he wrote them:
    M-O-R-B-I-B-L-Y O-B-E....
    I sunk right down into the butcher block paper on the table and wanted a steak.
    Hello, my name is Charlie, and I'm a foodaholic...

  6. Apparently, my doctor wasn't a good speller. That was the only thing in common we shared.

  7. “Well, maybe we can tie two paper gowns together.”

    - I have heard this one several times! lol

  8. The last one is pretty darn funny!

    I so enjoy your blog!!

  9. Ha! My doctor did tell me: "You're fat, perhaps you should go on a diet!" I was 74kg with a BMI of 31.
    I saw him a year later at 50kg and his response was "Wow, you look awesome, now you're not fat!" Blunt much!

  10. And that's the nice comments they will say to your face. You should hear what they say after you leave.

  11. oooh and the follow up? will it be what we do NOT wanna hear the receptionist say to the DOCTOR about our arrival??

    **sits back and waits**

  12. when i was preggo, i puked. lots. when i asked the little doc man if my baby would be ok he said in his thick korean accent, "you are such a big girl that if all you did was drink water for the next nine months, your baby would be fine. you've got fat for baby here [shaking arm fat], fat for baby here [shake my leg fat], and fat for baby here [shook my belly like a roll full of..]". the next visit i switched to the midwife.

  13. Can you move your head to the right and the left for me? Good, now can you do that anytime anyone offers you dessert?” it :-)



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