Saturday, February 13, 2010

Making My Move On My Skinny Jeans

Welcome to "Same Old Sh*t" Saturday, where I go mining through the dark, creepy corners of my blog archives for a few hours so that I can get out of a few hours of blog-writing (yeah, I suck at math). As for this one... well, am I the only person who talks to his jeans?

Hey, baby. I haven’t seen you around in forever. You’re still looking fine. Look at that sweet ass on you. I can’t believe it’s been so long since we’ve been together, baby. You shouldn’t have been in hiding away, sweetheart; you look so good you should be strutting your stuff out on the street. Man, I’d love to take you to my office and show you off to all my co-workers. I told ‘em all about you, but they think you don’t really exist. They think I just made you up.

We had some good times didn’t we? I remember the first time I laid eyes on you, baby. Remember? It was at that store in the mall, you hanging out in the corner with all your friends. You didn't even know I existed, am I right? Well, I wasn’t sure you were right for me, either, but we got together and…well, it was magic. All I remember is that I couldn't keep my hands off of you. Remember what that sales clerk said to me: “Why don't you two get a dressing room?” We were so crazy. And remember what I said to you later that right when I was gettin' it on with you? “I can’t believe this sh*t!”

It’s true: I couldn’t believe that sh*t. I just couldn’t believe that we were so right for each other, because just a few months earlier I wouldn’t have had the nerve to even try to get together with you. Even if I'd screwed up the courage to try, it wouldn't have worked out. Not then anyway...

But we did get together, didn't we? I still have pictures of the two of us, and while it may sound a tad vain, man, we looked good together.

That whole year we were inseparable, you and I. Where I went, you were sure to go as well. We had some good times… parties, concerts, staying out with friends, spending time just the two of us. And then… well…

Look, baby. I can’t explain why I left… or why I was gone for so long. It don’t make no sense, me leaving you the way I did. Yes, there were others but they were so big and ugly, not svelte and fine like you. I promise you, baby, I was thinking about you the whole time I was with those others. I was thinking of how good the two of us were for each other, how right it was when we were together. Of course, I mean that, baby. I mean it with all my heart. I threw those others outta my house as soon as I could, and now I’ve come back to you. Only you.

And this time, I promise I won’t ever leave you again.


  1. what a cute love story for valentine's day. does your wife know about this love affair you've been having, Mr. Sh*t?!

  2. That is so sweet... the two of you together again! Loving your blogs Jack!

  3. The money is on the dresser Chocolate.
    Very Steamy.. Love IT!


  4. I didn't even get a "caution adult content" warning before entering your site. That should come with some sort of warning. :)

    Pretty hot Jack! Hope you and your honey have a great Valentines.

    (I'm referring to your wife, not your Levis)

  5. Wow. Steamy! Puts me in the mood.
    The mood to shed some fat clothes and fall in love with my skinny jeans all over again.

  6. ooh, honey! hot & bothered here and even more motivated to "make up" with my sexy skinny jeans! They're around here somewhere...

  7. I looooooooooooove <3 the tone of the post! Makes me purr

    I needs me some skinny jeans!

  8. Happy Valentine's Day to you and your jeans. I know you'll be very happy together. :) I'm looking forward to dating my skinny jeans again someday.

  9. Can't wait to get it on with my skinny jeans again! They're scared of the dark & they've been there for years :(

    PS - Was just reading your milestones - did you go around naked between 50 & 6o pounds lost? Just wondering...

  10. Jack, thanks for conning us into having more willpower, we want to be thin!


  11. In my mind, I read this post with a Barry White voice!! It was great!!

  12. A nice take on relationship with clothing. Sometimes, I do "talk" to my jeans. Especially when I'm feeling good in them.



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