Thursday, December 13, 2012

Premature Jack-ulation

If you are reading this right now, that means that I’m already dead.

How did I die, you may ask.

Perhaps it was a whitewater rafting accident where I drowned trying to save a newborn baby who had fallen overboard as we shot over the rapids.

Perhaps I was crushed in a slow moving wave of molasses such as the one that struck during The Great Boston Molasses Tragedy of 1919 when an enormous molasses storage tank burst and molasses rushed through the streets at an estimated 35 mph, killing 21 and injuring 150.

Perhaps I met my fate one afternoon when I threw myself through a window trying to illustrate that the glass is unbreakable (but to my credit, the glass didn’t break; it simply popped out of the window frame!).

How I died isn’t really all that important, is it?

What matters… what is of utmost concern… is that I had the foresight to plan a post to run from beyond the grave. I planned it this way in order to remind you of the lessons I’ve learned along the way, here at the end of my blogging journey...

1. Find a lifestyle you can live with and... well... start living with it.  I can’t tell you how many times I’ve sloughed off, telling myself I’ll get back on the wagon tomorrow, next week, next month. Now is the time for action! Do it today because tomorrow is always a day away.

2. A body in motion stays in motion. It’s true in physics and it’s true it fitness-ics. Exercise today and tomorrow and, chances are, you’ll do it again the next day. Take the whole week off and, chances are, you’ll take the next one off as well. Get in a move groove!

3. There’s no excuse for making excuses. This isn’t a good time for you… I get that. News break: there’s never a good time. There’s always going to be stress and uncertainty, always going to be turmoil and tough times. Suck it up, buttercup! It could be worse. You could be dead like some people I could name…

4. Fall down seven times, get up eight. No, wait. I just double-checked the math and that’s definitely getting up one more time than is absolutely necessary. Disregard this pointer entirely.

5. You really can do this. I mean that; you really can do it. Though I’m not gonna be around anymore to prop you up and egg you on, I’m positive that you’ve got it in you to get this done. It will take time, effort and determination, but the rewards are oh-so worth it. I would say do it for me… for my dying wish… but really you just oughta go ahead and do it for yourself.

Well, that’s it for Jack Sh*t. I hope you’ll remember me fondly as you sail past milestones on your way to the success you so richly deserve. I wish I could be around to high-five you at the finish line, but it simply wasn’t meant to be.

Goodbye, my friends. Stay on track, but most of all, stay true to yourself.

Now, I just need to remember to set this up in the blogging on-deck circle and give my wife Anita instructions on how to push this out as I’m being laid out to rest, but mostly I need to be absolutely certain that I don’t hit “Publish” on this one prematurely, because that would be kind of embarrassing…


  1. I have a feeling you will be around for awhile Jack. How do you come up with these ideas? Enjoyed the post!

  2. Gotta watch out for those slow moving molasses masses

  3. That molasses tragedy was awful. It wasn't like the dairy farm spill. That was an utterly ridiculous waste of lives.

  4. Just when I thought I'd better start commenting on your brilliant stuff! Oh well... Thanks for your testament (above) anyway, I will start my own journey soon. Any day now. Not before Christmas, heavens, but right after the New Year party. No, seriously, thank you so much for setting us a perfect example of success and how to get there. Merry Christmas, Jack!

    (sorry for the broken English)

    1. Wait! What? You're leaving us? I LOVE your blog and FINALLY got my act together and put together a reading list (including you) and got off my ass to start commenting and now you'll no lonoger be entertaining me? Crap!

      Have a fantastic Christmas Jack! I love your blog (I said it twice so it must be true) and your humour. If you are indeed changing your focus from blogging, I wish you all the best in health and fitness. Cheers!

  5. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  6. OMG - the title caught me!!! :) I am so far behind after coming home & sis visit BUT had to read this & as always - a GREAT message with your humor!!!!!



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