Wednesday, January 2, 2013

The Ultimate Jack Sh*t Workout

You can't afford to hire a personal trainer or join a gym?
Well boo freakin' hoo! I'm gonna design a workout
for you to do in your own home...

All you need is a kettlebell. Okay, first you... what?
You don't have a kettlebell? Weren't you paying attention
when I told you how to make your own kettlebell
by welding an iron "C" to an ordinary metal ball? 

 Okay then. Just grab a couple of regular weights then.
These are my wife Anita's, and they're probably
too heavy for a beginner such as you.

Mine are probably too much for you, too.
Let's face it: you're a wimp. We're gonna have to start you
off with the most basic workout there is...


 Do a series of 10 one-armed puppy lifts,
but be careful to use proper form, keep your arm straight
and watch out for spraying puppy urine.

Two-handed puppy chest presses work...
ummmm... the chestoid muscle group.

 Feel.... the...  bark...

 After a few weeks of single-puppy workout,
you'll be ready to take this bitch up a notch!


 Be sure to... whoa... this is trickier than I thought...

Believe me... sixty minutes of puppy lifts is as effective as an
hour of lifting a similar amount of conventional weights.

So get yourself some puppies and get lifting.
Soon, if you stick with it, you'll have muscles like your ol' pal Jack.

Note: hardly any puppies were harmed in the making of this post.


    we need some shit in oaktown.

  2. Wow Mr. Jack! Your biceps, I will have to try that with my puppy. Unfortunately he weighs 200 lbs.

  3. OMG - nearly woke up hubby laughing tot his!!! Hilarious!!! Love the pics too! :)

  4. I like the puppy curls. I could start with that and work my way up to pushing my fat cat off my chest when I am in bed. Right now I just beg and plead for him to move with my final gasping breaths. He knows I'm the food source so he moves once he has extablished who is in charge.

  5. Love the puppies, you can tell they are totally use to that workout :). I like how one looks like he is rolling his eyes at you during the puppy curl lol.

  6. lol I love this Blog and so does my husband. This is great!

  7. This is all fine and good, but my puppy is 40#! And fights me when I lift her. Her big bro is 70# and resents me doing clean and presses with him! I need a puppy who stays your puppies's size!

  8. Oh Jack, you need to post how Anita got you to agree to 2 puppies... I need to convince hubby this is a necessity. :)

  9. oh my gosh! thanks for the laugh!

  10. I love me a good puppy workout! It's probably the only one where I'm smiling. ;-)

  11. OMG to the double puppy workout!!!! Sweet Lord! That is unbearably sweet and cute.

    Cannot take it!

  12. ...and then one small scoop of Puppy Chow for dinner, and just watch those pounds melt away!

  13. Very rarely do I LOL when I type LOL, but I actually did LOL because that puppy is all like "seriously?"

  14. Oh my! The puppy workout is for me! Wait, does one rotund meat-rock cat work, too?

  15. Nicely written & very informative blog about weight Loss and Healthy Life. Keep it up.

  16. Hehehe your puppy work out is greta, they look like they are quite used to it too. I have bunnies would they work as well, lol!

  17. My gym doesn't have any puppies. Can I substitute a 9 or 11 pound cat? I also have a 17lb baby at my disposal.

  18. Just laughed out loud - Thanks!
    I'd say I'll do the cat version, but I prefer my arm flesh to remain as it is..:)

  19. Maybe the yorkie could be for the beginner....and then a lab for the experienced...and mastiff for the expert level!

  20. Call me a wimp but I might have to start this exercise with my cat. I may eventually graduate to my German shepherd. This was an awesome post by the way. The puppies look so content as they are being lifted up.



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