In an effort to make certain that readers of this blog have a safe experience during the recent COVID-19 outbreak, I am instituting the following policies, effectively immediately.
• Just because readers of this blog have printed out my posts to use as toilet paper in the past doesn’t mean it’s okay just because of the current shortage. IT HURTS MY FEELINGS, OKAY?!?!?
• I will be performing my weigh-ins in a HAZMAT suit, so don’t be surprised if I have a weight gain. IT’S NOT MY FAULT!
• Note to employers: please understand that reading my blog is a vital part of “working from home.”
• If you do have to go to the grocery store and they’re out of anti-bacterial wipes, simply lick the handle of the cart clean so as not to contaminate your freshly washed hands.
• All health tips provided by this site should be taken with a grain of Mrs. Dash (we all should be trying to cut back on sodium).
Since we’re going to spend some time social distancing, let’s social distance together. NO WAIT… I HAVE IT… WE CAN ANTI-SOCIAL DISTANCE. THAT SOUNDS WAY BETTER. I’M OUTTA HERE!