Sh*tlock Holmes and the Case of the Missing Snikiddy (plus Giveaway)

“Watson, come here I need you!”

“What is it, Sh*tlock?” said the portly assistant, rushing into the living room.

“I just realized,” smiled the master detective. “That’s exactly what Edgar Allen Poe said to his assistant when he first invented the telephone.”

“I thought Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone…”

“Don’t contradict me, man,” snapped Sh*tlock testily. “I’m attempting to solve a mystery here!”

“I apologize,” frowned the corpulent assistant. “But thank you for calling me by my God-given name instead of ‘Fatson’ like you normally do.”

“Look at this, Fatson,” remarked the remarkably handsome detective. “This is quite a condominium.”

“Do you mean ‘conundrum’, sir?”

“Good lord, Fatson,” snapped Sh*tlock. “I don’t pay you to be a grammamatarian!”

“You don’t pay me at all…”

“What do you make of this?” asked the detective, pushing a box forward.

“It appears to be a package from Snikiddy®, makers of better-for-you healthy snacks,” Watson answered.

“Yes, I surmised that from the slight residue of cheese puff powder I picked up when I opened the box,” said Sh*tlock.

“I surmised it from the return address label that reads Snikiddy®,” retorted the assistant.

“Did you notice anything else peculiar?”

“Hmmmm,” hmmmm’d Watson. “Except for a letter and some packaging materials, the box appears to be empty.”

“A mystery is afoot!” smiled the detective. “We will get to the bottom of this or my name’s not Sh*tlock Holmes.”

“Perhaps we should read the letter…”

“Oh, letters are always a bunch of blah, blah, blah,” said Sh*tlock. “It will be simpler to deduce the contents through solving a litany of near-impossible clues… such as this crinkled-up bag of All-Natural Baked Cheese Puffs!”

“But the letter says…”

“Hmmmmm… crumbs are… surprisingly delicious.”

“Look here,” interrupted Watson. “It says…”

“I can also tell from just these few crumbs that these all-natural cheese puffs are baked with real cheese and corn and contain 50% less fat than potato chips,” remarked the detective. “Also, they are gluten and wheat free, and I believe them to contain no artificial colors or preservatives, high fructose corn syrup, trans fats, hydrogenated oils or cholesterol.

“I agree,” added Watson. “Especially since that’s what it says there on the package.”

Just then, the master detective’s 13-year-old daughter Pisa walked in and asked, “Hey Dad, do we have any more of those yummy snacks that came in that box?”

“We have the culprit, Sh*tlock!” intoned Watson in an accusatory tone. “Your daughter was responsible for the missing snack products.”

“Ummmmm, Dad ate them, too,” said Pisa. “Actually, he ate most of them.”

“Sh*tlock!”

“Snikiddy, my dear Fatson.” smiled the detective.

 THE GREAT SH*TLOCK HOLMES

PERSNICKETY  SNIKIDDY® GIVEAWAY

All-Natural Cheese Puffs are baked with real cheese and corn and contain 50% less fat than potato chips. They are gluten and wheat free, without the drawbacks of other puff snacks: No artificial colors or preservatives, high fructose corn syrup, trans fats, hydrogenated oils, or cholesterol.
Available in these flavors: Grilled Cheese Puffs and Mac n’ Cheese Puffs

All-Natural Baked Fries are made with real potatoes, corn, and cheese and contain 50% less fat than regular potato chips. These snacks are gluten and wheat free, and free of artificial colors or preservatives, high fructose corn syrup, trans fats, hydrogenated oils, or cholesterol. They are baked in a nut-free facility.
Available in these flavors: Sea Salt, Cheddar Cheese, Original Seasoning, Bold Buffalo, Southwest Cheddar, Barbeque and Classic Ketchup.

Eat Your Vegetables™ are made with a unique blend including sweet potatoes, carrots, and navy beans. These snacks offer an excellent source of Vitamin A and more fiber and protein than most other snack products. And of course, these are also gluten and wheat free, cholesterol free, and free of trans fats, high fructose corn syrup, hydrogenated oils and preservatives.
Available in these flavors: Sea Salt, Sour Cream & Onion, Jalapeño Ranch


HERE’S HOW TO WIN:

•    Like my twitter page
•    Tweet my Facebook page
•    Flirt with my eHarmony profile
•    Give me a job through my LinkedIn profile
•    Email me your social security number


Wait, that’s crazy… nobody’s gonna like my twitter page… okay, okay… let’s try this one more time.

HERE’S HOW TO REALLY WIN:

Leave a comment telling what type of snack you'd like and (optional) what your rapper name would be if you were a rapper. And it wouldn't hurt your chances to Like Snikiddy's Facebook page and follow them on Twitter (@Snikiddy).

For more info and promotions, visit the Snikiddy® Facebook Page.

HERE'S WHAT YOU WIN:

Three (3) 4 oz. bags of Snikiddy® (Eat Your Vegetables™, All-natural Baked Fries or All-natural Cheese Puffs) and one (1) $25 grocery gift card.

Snikiddy® adheres to the FTC guidelines regarding endorsements and testimonials and expects that I will be truthful in my post and disclose in full anything that is provided by Snikiddy®. They obviously don't know me very well. 

Prizing availability for the giveaway will close one week from today (more or less). This  giveaway is only open to U.S. residents who are 18 years of age or older. I sincerely hope that this does not spark an international incident.

THE DAILY SCALEY

Scale being stubborn this week.