Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Sh*twick the Big-Bottomed Goof


Up at Lake Titticaca… the far Northern shores.
He was sitting there eating his fourth and fifth s’mores.
His “sample” had turned into a big crazy binge,
And his jaw was about to come off of its hinge.

Then it happened that Sh*twick, that overweight fellow,
Frowned with his mouth sticky from the marshmallow.
Because a face started to form there in the fire,
A face that hadn’t been there two minutes prior.
“Hello,” the face said.
“Why not stop eating, Sh*twick?”
Put down those graham crackers,
Marshmallows and choc-lick.
They’re a surefire way to get way too-big quick!”

“I’m drunk” laughed ol’ Sh*twick, the big-bottomed goof.
He gazed at the beer cooler as if looking for proof.
“Campfires have no mouthhole.”
You’re just talkin’ trash, troll.
So just cool your jets, you fiery ash-hole!”
But as Sh*twick sat there with his s’mores and his beer,
The campfire continued in a voice loud and clear.

“Well,”
The fire said, “You can joke and/or mock.
With your gut full of beer and your mouth full of choc.
But I’m here to tell you your life is in peril,
And things will get worse if you don’t be more careful.
It’s time to get going, you’re not getting younger.
It’s time to do something to curb your mad hunger.
And get a few wins in your battle with blubber.”

“You are right,” said ol’ Sh*twick.
“It’s time I took a chance.
Time for my horizons to be broadened
Instead of my pants.”

Ol’ Sh*twick agreed there in the outdoors,
Then proceeded to prepare a couple more s’mores.
“Tomorrow I’ll do well, I’ll start being more good.
I’ll exercise more and work out like I should.”

“Tomorrow?” The fire snorted, and grew even bigger.
“You’ve a gun at your head and you’re right on the trigger.
Don’t put it off, Sh*twick, that’s what I say.
It’ll be no easier tomorrow than it will be today.”

The fire grew larger,
Up over his head.
“Commitment’s like wildfire!”
That’s what he said,
In a voice sharp as barb wire.
Before he got burnt,
He looked down at his cookie.
Sh*twick couldn’t possibly do this.
Or could he?

Tomorrow?
No, Sh*twick.
Decidedly not.
It was time now to get busy or get off of the pot.
It’s true that things here were incredibly hot.
Now he remembered what he knew to be real.
About how awesome good health can feel.
Today is the day.
Sh*twick knew in his heart.
Today’s the best day you can possibly start.
He vowed to make this one his very best year,
Then put out the fire (with recycled beer).

“I have my own fire.
It burns deep inside.
To help on my quest to live my life less wide.”

And he wadded those s’mores up with the rest of the trash.
He buried them deep beneath still-smoldering ash.
And got himself ready for a big weight-loss clash.

HIS LIFE HAS BEEN CHANGED
SINCE THE HEAT HAS BEEN TURNED UP.
And with the help of that fire,
All those pounds have been burned up.



More Dr. Seuss/Jack Sh*t combos? 
Check out here, here, here, here and here.



4 comments:

  1. Recycled beer! LOL!

    ReplyDelete
  2. OK, publishers out there, this is what we need: a collection of jack's awesomeness in a book...like chicken soup for the soul..but not. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  3. brilliant, and cute AND, oh how I love s'mores (but dont eat em!!)

    ReplyDelete
  4. vòng charm trầm hương sánh chìm
    Đặc điểm nổi bật
    Trầm hương ngày nay đã không còn là một tên gọi quá xa lạ với người sử dụng. Để khách hàng có nhiều sự lựa chọn hơn về thiết kế, kiểu dáng của vòng trầm. Lian ra mắt sản phẩm mới vòng charm trầm hương sánh chìm với thiết kế vô trùng trẻ trung và cá tính bằng sự kết hợp độc đáo giữa vòng chỉ đỏ, vàng, … và trầm hương. Đeo vòng charm trên tay, vừa đơn giản, nhẹ nhàng, vừa trang nhã, lịch sự.
    Công dụng của sản phẩm
    Vòng chỉ đỏ tượng trưng cho sự may mắn, bình an, là điềm phúc kết hợp với trầm hương giúp xoay chuyển nguồn năng lượng xấu thành nguồn năng lượng tốt. Chính sự kết hợp này đã tạo nên một tuyệt tác vô cùng hoàn hảo.
    Vòng chỉ đỏ còn được xem như sợi dây tơ duyên, giúp gắn kết, thu hút các cặp đôi với nhau. Ai còn đang độc thân sẽ giúp con đường tình duyên của họ ngày càng mở rộng hơn.
    Vòng chỉ đỏ hòa quyện cùng hương thơm tự nhiên của trầm hương giúp thu hút vượng khí, tài lộc dồi dào, rất thích hợp cho người làm ăn kinh doanh.
    Đó chính là những lý do mà mọi người đều yêu thích sản phẩm này!

    ReplyDelete

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