Monday, June 15, 2009

The Cat in the Fat


The sun did not shine,
hadn’t shined in a bit,
For the fellow the blogging world
knows as Jack Sh*t.

He sat there so sadly.
He sat there unhappily.
And he said, “How I wish I didn’t eat
quite so crappily.”

Too big to go out
And too fat to play ball.
So he sat at his desk
and did nothing at all.

And all he could do was to
Sit!
Sit!
Sit!
Sit!
And it left him feeling
Like a big lump of sh*t.

And then
Something went bump!
How that bump made him jump!

He looked!
Then he saw it pop onto his screen.
A web site
On weight loss and low-fat cuisine.
And it said to Jack,
"C’mon, let’s break this routine.”

"I know you are chubby.
And there’s work to be done
But you can drop poundage
And still have some fun."

"Have no fear!" said the site.
"I will not let you fail.
I will give you new confidence
when you stand on that scale."

"In order to lose weight,
There’s two things you must do.
And I call these two things
Thing One and Thing Two."

"Thing One is 'eat less'
Stuff less food in your mouth.
Cuz what goes in up North
Often winds up down South."

"'Exercise more' is Thing Two
And please don’t forget.
You won’t dump the plump
without sweating some sweat."

"Follow Thing 1 and Thing 2
And you won’t stay a fat hog.
Why, if you wanted to you could
Write your own blog."

"Chronicle your journey
as you step away from the abyss
Fill it with wisdom
(and a few stupid lists)."

So I vowed to eat right,
I started to move.
And soon I was in my own
little weight-losing groove.

And my blog’s doing great.
I may never get rich,
But it seems to have found
its own special niche.

So this cat’s on his way,
He just won’t ever quit.
You can follow his story
(Jack Sh*t, Gettin’ Fit).

I hope you enjoyed this,
All silly and Seuss-y.
But I may need a lawyer,
When somebody sues me.

41 comments:

  1. L-O-V-E IT!
    Never know what you're gonna come out with next. Really enjoyed it *nods* a poet in our midst, eh?

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  2. I like that one - it's cheered up my really crappy day. Thanks mate!

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  3. Awesome!!!!!

    Almost time for an air freshener!

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  4. Your posts always bring a smile to my face! This one did not disappoint either!

    Also, great job on your loss for the week - you are going strong, keep it up!

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  5. Lucky for you Dr. Seuss is dead, so he's probably not reading this and therefor won't sue. Very funny, tho'.

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  6. You can write; you can rhyme!
    I bet you could sell them for more than a dime.

    I love reading your blog
    But now I feel like I should go jog.

    You're a great blogger and one funny dude;
    I must go exercise now; don't think I'm rude.

    Thing 1 and Thing 2 are certainly true.
    I did neither this weekend and the fat is sticking like glue!!

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  7. Fan-f*cking-tastic!!!


    Made my day! :)

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  8. Jack Jack Jack - you are absolutely hands-down amazing!!! I'm sitting here cracking up right now and also shaking my head at your brilliance. "When somebody sues me?" (which I read as "suess"). Jeenius. I am SO happy I found your blog!!!

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  9. Smiled all the way, even laughed, But then you nailed me with a huge, deep, full body laugh at the end. Nice structure! I needed that today! Everyone around here is asking me if I'm OK.

    Just gettin' my daily fix of Jack Sh*t!
    Wouldn't miss it.

    Sean Anderson
    The Daily Diary of A Winning Loser
    www.losingweighteveryday.blogspot.com

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  10. Awesome post. Like everyone else, I was lol-ing. Great job!

    ~Wendy

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  11. Ok...do you do this AND have a full time job? I would be interested to know what you do for a living. I am picturing it's something very creative.

    You have a quick wit...Mr. Jack Sh*t!

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  12. Great POEM! :)

    Yeah Gasol proved to be Laker worthy for me this year. He did a great job this season for them! :)

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  13. We are gonna be rich!!

    Well, you are.

    But when you do hit the big time, remember, we are the ones that were here when you first started this blog. And when you go on Oprah to promote your book, we want acknowledgement or a dedication or somthing...

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  14. That's awesome! Gee you are a crack up lol

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  15. thanks for giving me a smile this morning!

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  16. And thanks for giving me an interview this morning, Ang.

    For anyone who missed that sh*t: http://getfitby40.blogspot.com/2009/06/blogger-of-week-jack-sht-gettin-fit.html

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  17. LOVE IT!

    So glad that I found your blog!

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  18. Okay that was really fucking good ... I loved it. I ended up making my BF come and read it ... you are one talented guy!!

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  19. Thanks again for a good morning laugh! You've definately found the lighter side of weight loss!

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  20. LOVE reading your blog! Always very entertaining. Have a great day.

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  21. So great!!! Are you an accountant in "real" life? You are just too creative here on your blog - you must be saving it up all day.

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  22. Jack - thanks for today's post! I just found you through Ang, and must say how much I HEART JACK SH*T!!!! Your posts cracked me up today, especially upon hearing some lousy news about a cousin in the hospital...

    Keep it up, I'll be back...and well...it's really all about me...that is why I am a Suburban Princess! :D

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  23. Hahahaha. This is the greatest thing I've read all day.

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  24. OK, how do you find the time to think up all this clever stuff????? You are such a HOOT!

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  25. I've never read your posts before, but often love your comments on others' blogs. Great poem. Like everyone else--you really made me smile. Blessings!
    Bonnie

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  26. *CYBER FIVE* That was awesome. Just got a great idea you should make a movie. "TONY HORTON HEARS A WHO" I smell the academy awards already.

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  27. Whenever you comment on my post I feel like a silly school girl. WTF? Still, gotta love it!

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  28. LOL, that's fantastic! I'm gonna make my fiance read that whenever he rolls his lazy ass out of bed :)

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  29. i HAVE GOT TO QUIT READING YOU AT WORK.. i JUST SILENT LAUGHED MYSELF INTO A SILENT MASSIVE HEADACHE LOL.... THAT WAS EXCELLENT!!!!!

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  30. This poem rocks! I literally L.O.L.! Keep up the great work Jack!

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  31. fantastic. I am totally following you now. i need all the help and laughs I can get on my weightloss journey, so thank you for the great blog!

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