100th Big Fat Post

In honor of my 100th post, here's my best advice for losing weight, broken out in an easy-to-implement and simple-to-follow 100-step process...

1. Eat less.
2. Exercise more.
3. Hmmmmmm…you know, that’s really all I’ve got.
4. I’ve said it as many different ways as I can think of, but really that’s the entire playbook.
5. Eat less.
6. Exercise more.
7. There, I said it again.
8. Cut me some slack, I gotta get to 100.
9. Where am I?
10. 9? Oh, f*ck.
11. Okay, let’s delve a little deeper…
12. Folks have been questioning me about how I’m making these pounds disappear and seem vaguely unsettled by the answer.
13. Less plate full of chow.
14. More sweat on the brow.
15. Maybe there’s more to it.
16. Oh, there’s some little things.
17. Drink water.
18. A lot of water.
19. Watch the salt.
20. Be mindful of what you’re eating.
21. Pay attention to how much you’re eating.
22. Make going to a restaurant the exception to the rule instead of the rule.
23. Eat more fruits and veggies.
24. Blog every day, if for no other reason than to stay accountable.
25. Stay positive.
26. Oh, and there’s something else…
27. I think you’ve really got to want it.
28. I mean, really want it.
29. For yourself.
30. For somebody else.
31. You’ve really got to want it because it can be hard d*mn work.
32. You’ll find yourself at dinners where they’re serving the most delicious food imaginable.
33. You’ll find yourself at parties where the wine and beer are flowing like the Amazon.
34. You’ll find so much of the world working against you that it might seem too much to bear.
35. You’ve got to bear it anyway.
36. You’ll find it oh-so-easy to stray off course all too often.
37. You need to stay the path.
38. You’ll find yourself slogging through mud, gaining no traction, making no headway.
39. You need to keep going.
40. And going.
41. And going.
42. You didn’t get where you are overnight.
43. You won’t get where you’re going overnight.
44. But here’s the thing: time passes.
45. I know: I’m an insightful son-of-a-b*tch.
46. Time passes and passes and passes.
47. Put a good day together.
48. You know what it takes, and you know it’s within you to put one good day together.
49. Eat right.
50. Maybe not perfectly, but right.
51. For one day.
52. Exercise.
53. You don’t have to join a gym or do a thousand sit-ups.
54. Walk for thirty minutes.
55. Mind you, I didn’t say “stroll.”
56. Walk, as in “I really worked up a sweat on that walk.”
57. Go to bed hungry.
58. While you lie there, stomach grumbling, think about what you just accomplished.
59. One good day.
60. Truthfully, it wasn’t even that hard.
61. It helps if you tell yourself that anyway.
62. Now stay with me; here comes the tricky part.
63. One day more.
64. That’s right–put two good days together.
65. The smarter ones among you may have guessed the pattern.
66. Put a good week together.
67. It’s just a week, for God’s sake. One out of the hundreds of weeks you’ve been on this earth and one of the hundreds and hundreds you have left.
68. Put a good week together, and just see, just see how you feel.
69. You may find that it’s not quite as difficult as you imagined.
70. You may find that it achieves the result you say you’re looking for.
71. I can hear the “buts”…
72. “But I’m so busy…”
73. “But I work fourteen hours a day…”
74. “But the kids are so needy…”
75. “But I have to go out with my friends…”
76. I said “good days,” I didn’t say “perfect days.”
77. Nobody’s perfect.
78. But do understand the basic principle of “cause and effect.”
79. Go out with your friends.
80. Pay for it with an extra hour of sweat.
81. Hey, don’t shake your head at me; these aren’t my rules.
82. If I had my way, it’d be cake, chips and big-screen TVs for everybody… and we’d all look like Brad Pitt or Angelina Jolie.
83. Last time I checked (and mind you, I check all the time), we weren’t doing things my way.
84. After a week, make a decision.
85. “I can do this” or “I can’t do this.”
86. If you can’t do this, accept it and accept the fact that things aren’t going to change (for the better, at least).
87. If you can do it, do it.
88. Do it one more day.
89. One more week.
90. One more month.
91. One more year.
92. Time flies, moreso than you even realize.
93. I promise that if you keep doing it, it will get easier.
94. It will become second nature.
95. It will change from being your diet to being your lifestyle.
96. To being your life.
97. It is in you to do this.
98. Start today.
99. Make this your first good day.
100. And then go from there.