Monday, June 8, 2009

More Things My Scale Might Say If It Could Talk

  • “Welcome back, Lard-*ss.”
  • “You’re at your ideal weight, assuming you’re eight foot six.”
  • “I wasn’t sure you’d come back after I broke your spirit last go-round.”
  • “There’s some cake on your cheek. No… I meant your butt cheek.”
  • “You think standing on me naked is really gonna help? What…were you wearing a suit of armor before?”
  • “Survey says: You’re fat!”
  • “Look on the bright side: there’s more of you to love.”
  • “You want a second opinion? Okay, you’re ugly.”
  • “That shirt is very fattering… I mean flattering.”
  • “I can give it to you in kilograms if it’ll make you feel better.”
  • “Houston, we have a problem.”
  • “You want some more of me?”
  • “Thoreau said: ‘Make the most of your regrets; never smother your sorrow, but tend and cherish it till it comes to have a separate and integral interest.’ I say: “You just gained two pounds, sucka.”


  1. Oh man... now I'm going to have a complex tonight when I step on my scale

  2. Wow, you have a tough group of followers Jack! They dared you to get on the scale and you did it! It's just a little bitty gain, and it will be gone in a few days. Yes, it will. :-)

  3. I really liked #2 about the ideal weight. My scale does either pounds or kilos. I'm trying to convert to kilos, but I flipped the switch to pounds just for fun. I forgot to re-program in my sex, age and height and the scale told me that my BMI was in the teens (it's actually about 27) and I was 60% water. It took a while for me to figure what the heck was going on. Fun while it lasted!

  4. Oh I love the kilo switch. It makes me feel so happy and tingly and right with the world.

  5. Wednesday is my weigh day.. and I have a new scale.. for the first time in 46 years I will be getting on my scale laughing .. no matter what it says back.. !

  6. I have a Mary Lou's Weigh and I keep expecting her to say something like the above when I get on, and not the positive stuff she always says LOL

  7. LMAO - again - as always on your blog. :-D

  8. I might just copy this, put it in a pretty font, frame it and hang it above my scale in the bathroom. This really made me laugh.

    I've actually said, "Houston, we have a problem" on the scale before. lol

  9. Oh... yes. These thoughts are definitely in my mind daily!! haha!!!

  10. Good man for getting on the scale - if I had to do it after 5 DAYS off plan - damn right you had to do it too!!! Share the pain ... sorry - love - and all that malarkey :O)

    Besides - now you know how great you'll have done by next week, instead of wondering ...

  11. Funny stuff! I love your light hearted approach!



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